how do you cope with the loss of a loved one?

Coping with loss is not easy. You take everything in strides, one step at a time, even baby steps at a time. You live each day, one day at a time. You cry all the time, then you try to cry less, and allow yourself just five minutes each time. Until you reach a point when you can no longer cry, as if the tears have dried up, your tear glands have given up. .. And all you can do is remember the good times, the happy moments, then you find yourself smiling whenever you remember your loved one. You forget the trauma and the drama of your loss. Why? ... Because our minds and bodies are programmed for survival. We cannot go on living in misery or despair, or our minds and bodies will give up, wither and die too.

"In grieving, do it in the person's name.
Find strength in death.
Touch on the pain.
Through pain, you can relate with other people.
They teach us that it is okay to feel the pain.
Remember your loved one and do things in his name."
(Iyanla Vansant)

I learned this in Oprah's life class .... you will too.

betsisanders / July 2012

Angkor Thom, Siem Reap, Cambodia / July 2012

“. . . Creativity, spirituality & sexuality are three faces of the same soul essence. Spirituality separated from sexuality lacks fire; without creativity it becomes empty ritual. Sexuality without spirituality lacks heart & intimacy; without creativity it loses spontaneity. Creativity without spirituality becomes marketing manipulation; without sexuality it lacks grounded vitality & passion.” ~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer from What We Ache For

This is Oriah's facebook post for today and I just have to repost this. She has expressed what I have been wanting to write. I am not a gifted writer and by quoting one of my favorite authors, I am able to impart to all of you my deepest feelings, thoughts and insights.

Creativity ... I, too am not a gifted painter. But that will not stop me from creating. I have shifted to photography and have placed watermarks on select photographs. My food blogs, personal insights, quotations are all reflections of what my soul creates and wish to share.

Sexuality ... now this is a bit difficult to talk about. but I guess it is all about love. finding the love of your life, the not so ideal partner, not quite perfect.. but in love, one sees beyond the imperfections.

Spirituality ... prayer... my belief in the Supreme Being. The One who loves me unconditionally; gave me the opportunity to express myself; showed me how to appreciate life; to Whom I am grateful for life, love and the beautiful people who love me, love me more and love me most. All these came from Him, whom I love dearly.

betsisanders / July 2012

Chicken Amok in Coconut, our Cambodian Lunch / July 2012

Amok is a popular Cambodian dish which some have likened to the American Hamburger....but only inasmuch as it's eaten frequently. The traditional (and most popular) recipe uses fish, however, it is quite acceptable to use chicken, lobster and even escargot (snails). The other main ingredients are coconut milk and turmeric which are essential to the dish.

After our morning tour of Angkor Wat and other neighboring temples, we had an authentic Cambodian lunch at a restaurant suggested by our tour guide. the place was clean and simple. too simple... no airconditioning. But they accept dollars and gave me crisp dollar bills as change for my hundred dollar bill. Our food bill cost $38 which we split among the five of us.

... as Wolfgang Puck would say... live love and eeeeat!!! / betsisanders 2012

the sun sets in angkor wat

This is my last glimpse of Angkor Wat, with the setting sun casting its shadow over the five towers of this once magnificent temple. I couldn't help but have this gush of emotions. I smiled in my heart, thankful for a wonderful and unforgettable experience with these beautiful ladies who love me more. I heard myself sigh, feeling a bit sad that the day had to end. My aching neck & back and my throbbing feet made my 12 inch strides become baby steps. Our tour guide together with Swanee and Jannette were about two hundred giant steps away from me., as I walked very slowly, silently, feeling the peace and the bliss that this ancient place of prayer and worship exudes.

I saw this toddler seated on the hot stone floor of the bridge. She sat there quietly, as I have been observing her from afar. Many tourists just walked by, ignoring this red-cheeked, tiny, impoverished, cute Cambodian toddler A few feet away from her were her siblings giggling and playing a game of tag. She just sat and looked at the tourists pass by, not asking for anything, not with an outstretched palm, so unlike the beggars on the streets of Manila. Here, they just look at you, no words, no begging. I suddenly thought of getting a dollar from my wallet to give to her, but then decided to give her my bag of chocolates instead. I pointed to her brothers and told her to give them some too. She smiled at me, placed her two palms together, bowed her tiny head and said thank you in her language. ...... And if you know me quite well, you can anticipate what I did next... And you are right. Tears suddenly kept falling nonstop. As I tried to catch up with the travel buddies, I let the tears flow. .... I am on that roller coaster again.

The tears were of gratitude to our dear God, thank you for this opportunity to fulfill one thing more on my bucket list. Thank you for physical strength that helped me walk all day. Thank you for letting my medications work so I can be 'normal'. Thank you for the compassion that I felt for the little girl. I pray that I may have more of this compassion, so I may be able to share more of my blessings and not just a handful of chocolates. Thank you for travel buddies, friends who love me more, who made this trip fun! ... And thank you for giving me a very hardworking partner, a good provider, a kind loving hubby and awesome father to our son, one who loves me most; who understands that i need to be with my girl travel buddy friends; who finances my travels. Thanks for all the blessings dear God. Sometimes I need not ask and You have already given. Amen.

betsisanders July 2012

angkor wat / july 2012

Song of the Builders

"On a summer morning,I sat down on a hillside to think about God -a worthy pastime. Near me, I saw a single cricket; it was moving the grains of the hillside, this way and that way. How great was its energy, how humble its effort. Let us hope it will always be like this, each of us going on in our inexplicable ways building the universe."

~Mary Oliver from Why I Wake Early (2004)

This poem was shared by one of my favorite authors, Oriah, the day I left for Angkor Wat. The poem could not have come in a more appropriate time than this. As the travel buddies joined the multitude of tourists in the temple, we all followed our English speaking tour guide. There were thousands of people, each belonging to a group, each group going on in their own ways. Each individual having his own reason to visit this ancient temple. Each one contributing his share of building the universe. As we each return to our own homes, we bring along a special memory, a happy experience, historical information, souvenirs, 'pasalubong' for our loved ones.

What did I bring home with me? ... A certain calm, a blissful experience, a bit of wisdom, the desire to continue my search for happiness and perfection, and a greater need to learn compassion, charity, sincerity, and simplicity.

betsisanders 2012

ballet flats

Title: Ballet Shoes
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Medium: acrylic on canvas
Artist: betsisanders 2012


Art is the power of developing the soul. As I am at this moment of my life.... I shall leave with you creations of betsisanders, my soul. Love my work or hate it... Display it, keep it in your camphor chest, give it away, burn it or throw it. It doesn't matter. I have given you the best gift. Each creation is a big part of myself . Stay well, be well, and maybe, you shall remember me fondly, maybe we shall meet again some time, somewhere, someday... if not in this lifetime, maybe in the next.

A lot of my FB friends liked the naked ballerina. OMG.. pressure! Hmmmm I have to make something better, something different.. sooo stressful! ... I have to outdo my own self, out shine my last work.

If you don't like the next few paintings, that's alright. Making them helped me survive some sleepless nights, my painful episodes.... 14 trigger points due to fibromyalgia acted up at the same time. I asked my son to rub my back, neck, arms and hands and place cool blue ice gel. After a taking my meds, I hid under the covers because it was too cold, then i dozed off to sleep. Shortly after, about thirty minutes later, my medcines have taken effect and I am back to being 'normal'. Functional enough to face the world again, able to smile and laugh, as if nothing happened. Then I continue working on my art projects.

Thanks to technology, to those brilliant scientists, those intelligent doctors who are able to manage my physical pain. May God bless you more, so more people may benefit and be healed...... Love love love, betsisanders 2012

naked ballerina

Finished simple art work at dawn. Instead of sulking and feeling the pain, sketch , draw and paint. Life is a challenge but it has always been good to me!

Title: Naked Ballerina
Medium: acrylic on canvas
Size: 5 x 7 inches
... Artist: betsisanders 2012

Pain... There will always be physical pain. I pray for a cure, for healing. But there are times when there seems to be no cure, no healing, no help available. ... This evening, I forgot to take my pain medications on time. I sat on my chair, stared blankly at my iPad, tried to endure the physical pain, while I waited for the medicines to take effect. I said a short prayer, then I got my black Stabilo permanent marker and started drawing, with the ice pack on top of my head. Hubby saw me, smiled and let me be. It took about less than an hour, was not done with the sketch, when I noticed that the pain had subsided, the ice had melted, and the drawing was almost finished. .. This is what I have to contend with, almost daily. I just have to be grateful for a day fulfilled, hope that the following day will be just as wonderful, live each day with happiness knowing that there will be healing. Be thankful for those who love me, love me more and love me most. my simple art work is a reflection of my soul, betsisanders (July 2012)

betsisanders 2012

Thanks for always reading my blogs. although a ot of people cho0se to be silent and n ot comment, i am still very grateful. maybe someday, I can gift you with a simple painting... just a token of how much I value your friendship.
It does not matter if I don't sell any of my paintings.  If a friend accepts my gift and displays it in her home, it is like being paid for my work. if you get tired of my work, you may pass it on to another individual who would appreciate it more, thank you and may we all have hope... hope for a better life, free of stress and pain! . and pray for a quiet death, where friends would miss us and remember only the few good things we have done in this world. love love love// betsisanders 2012

b/w ballerina

Title:  Ballerina in Motion

Size:  5 x 7 inches

Medium:  Acrylic on Canvas

[  my version, copied from an original painting ]  

What to do, what to do at dawn, when sleep evades me...

My kind of art, from an aspiring visual artist, a newbie. "a Young newbie artist imitate, while the professional ones steal!"

It's been more than ten years since I started painting.... "To paint a picture" was part of my bucket list. I was 40 then and my mom had just died. Painting gave me the solace I needed. Painting was hours of silence, breaks from my crying episodes, that filled the emptiness, alleviated my pain (physical emotional and spiritual pain) and provided comfort when no one else could.

I am not a gifted painter. I have not perfected the techniques taught by my art teacher. I lack the dexterity and the patience to create detail, light and shadow, texture and depth. I search the Internet for inspiration and then I imitate, create my own version, add a 'bit' of my style, sign the painting and claim it as my own.

I am not a gifted writer. In every painting I make and post in my blog, I write something about it; something that happened to me that day; my thoughts and feelings which may or may not have anything to do with the painting or just about anything that comes to my mind.

Simple paintings, simple words, when put together become one, an expression of my soul whom I have named betsisanders. / betsisanders 2012