Charo and I weren’t really close friends in
dental school. I don’t even remember
having a conversation with her in college. Our first and longest chat was during
one Perio seminar at the Intercontinental Hotel. For the entire morning, Charo recounted her life as a battered housewife and how she managed to leave her abusive, violent husband. I was shocked and pitied her much. In time, Charo finally found the love of her life (Dr. Joe). After that intense conversation, Charo and I became friends.
Three years ago, December 2012. Charo was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer
which has metastasized to her spine. When
I found out about her cancer, I cried profusely to Jacqui and Alan.
Charo used to ask me what medicines I take for my
back pain and I was more than willing to share with her the story of my “painful”
existence. We were taking the same medications,
Lyrica and Tramadol, but Charo took the maximum dosage for these meds and would
take Codeine, or was it Morphine, if her pain was unbearable.
Three weeks ago, I received a text invite from
Charo to celebrate her birthday at Gloria Maris. At the end of her message, she said that she
has lost a lot of weight, might need help walking and asked me not to cry. I informed Alan, Jacqui and Ranny about the text message and suggested to reschedule the celebration. When we
finally agreed on an earlier date, Charo canceled. She said she can’t see us because she’s been
in reverse isolation for a month and cannot even be visited.
Five days before her birthday, Charo sent me another
message saying that she’s confined at the hospital, needed blood transfusion
and had difficulty in breathing. The text was sent at 1:35 pm, Saturday, 31st
of October. I asked Alan if we could
visit Charo the next day. But it was All Saint’s Day and everyone was busy
visiting their dearly departed, except me.
I was home … alone.
Charo never replied to my texts. I had a bad feeling. Somehow, I knew she was gone. I sent her a message, told her to get well,
and that I love love love her so much! The next day, I got calls from Jacqui and
Anna, but missed answering their calls.
We went to the wake on Nov 4, at noon, to be with
Charo on her birthday. I didn’t have the
courage to look at her inside the coffin.
I didn’t want that to be my last
memory of her.
I asked Anna if Charo told her about her difficulty in breathing. Charo didn't.
Charo also didn't tell her sister. Did she tell anyone else? I really wouldn't know.
***
The death of a loved one
- a parent, a daughter
or a friend,
reminds me of my own mortality.
I fear death, not just my own,
but more so, the death
of those
closest to me.
I dread being alone.
and selfish of me to ask God
to take me first, before those I love.
***
Goodbye Charo ...
