Goodbye Charo ...

Charo and I weren’t really close friends in dental school.  I don’t even remember having a conversation with her in college. Our first and longest chat was during one Perio seminar at the Intercontinental Hotel.  For the entire morning, Charo recounted her life as a battered housewife and how she managed to leave her abusive, violent husband. I was shocked and pitied her much.   In time, Charo finally found the love of her life (Dr. Joe). After that intense conversation, Charo and I became friends.

Three years ago, December 2012.  Charo was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer which has metastasized to her spine.  When I found out about her cancer, I cried profusely to Jacqui and Alan. 

Charo used to ask me what medicines I take for my back pain and I was more than willing to share with her the story of my “painful” existence.  We were taking the same medications, Lyrica and Tramadol, but Charo took the maximum dosage for these meds and would take Codeine, or was it Morphine, if her pain was unbearable.

Three weeks ago, I received a text invite from Charo to celebrate her birthday at Gloria Maris.  At the end of her message, she said that she has lost a lot of weight, might need help walking and asked me not to cry. I informed Alan, Jacqui and Ranny about the text message and suggested to reschedule the celebration.  When we finally agreed on an earlier date, Charo canceled.  She said she can’t see us because she’s been in reverse isolation for a month and cannot even be visited. 

Five days before her birthday, Charo sent me another message saying that she’s confined at the hospital, needed blood transfusion and had difficulty in breathing. The text was sent at 1:35 pm, Saturday, 31^st of October.  I asked Alan if we could visit Charo the next day. But it was All Saint’s Day and everyone was busy visiting their dearly departed, except me.  I was home …  alone. 

Charo never replied to my texts.  I had a bad feeling.  Somehow, I knew she was gone.  I sent her a message, told her to get well, and that I love love love her so much! The next day, I got calls from Jacqui and Anna, but missed answering their calls. 

We went to the wake on Nov 4, at noon, to be with Charo on her birthday.  I didn’t have the courage to look at her inside the coffin.  I didn’t want that to be  my last memory of her.

I asked Anna if Charo told her about her difficulty in breathing. Charo didn't.
Charo also didn't tell her sister.  Did she tell anyone else?  I really wouldn't know.

***

The death of a loved one

 - a parent, a daughter or a friend,

 reminds me of my own mortality.  

I fear death, not just my own, 

but more so, the death

 of those closest to me.  

I dread being alone. 

and selfish of me to ask God

 to take me first, before those I love. 
***

Goodbye Charo ...