betsisanders: February 2013

Monday, February 18, 2013

Why we lose people along life's journey ...

A few of my friends have lost their spouses through natural and unnatural causes ... "Sumakabilang buhay or sumakabilang bahay!" This Filipino phrase always makes me smile. It sort of 'trivializes' the loss of a spouse and adds comic relief to a seemingly unfortunate, unhappy ending to a marriage. Other women friends have filed for legal separation or annulment of their marriage. A few others just brought their husbands to nursing homes, in the pursuit of freedom and happiness. Another friend signed a waiver, a 'quit claim' document or 'legal separation of properties', upon the request of the spouse, so their properties will not be attached to lawsuits incurred by the other.

People fight. You fight with a best friend, a classmate, a professor, even a sibling. It was so much easier then. You can't continue to fight since you will be seeing them in school again the next day, week or month. You are forced to interact with them. With siblings, your parents will scold or punish you both for fighting. So, you try to work things out and make it work again. As I got so much older, I am not forced to see these frenemies again. Days turn into weeks, then months and years. There seem to be no point in ever calling or talking to these people whom I have had a 'falling out of sorts' with. It was more of a falling out of love. Why would I send them christmas cards or birthday cards, when I have not seen or talked to them for ages? They never remember to call, text or greet me on special occasions. Therefore, i shall forget those who forgot me. I am quite sure they feel the same way. So, I'll make it easier for them. I shall walk away, turn my back, shut my door, bolt it and keep it that way.

People grow, learn, and adapt. During one's earlier years, you mingle and socialize with everyone you meet in school, at work or even in church. As time passes, you eventually find yourself in a smaller group of people whom you surround yourself with. You decide to let go of those who do not share common goals, profession or interests. You just outgrow each other.

People migrate to another city, province or country. Despite technology, Facebook, FaceTime, Skype, Vonage ... they never write, email, call or text.

The most common cause of friendship loss is when one is totally immersed, consumed, possessed by a love affair. As if there are not enough hours in a day or weeks in every month. These lovebirds are inseparable and tend to neglect the other people in their lives. Those patient friends who were with them before their 'hot' relationship. Old friends are forgotten, neglected. They were just simply having the best time of their lives. Just wait until this nth relationship is over and your so- called friend will soon be knocking at your doorstep.

Finally, they weren't really bff material to start with. Not worth keeping. Not worth your precious time and emotions. Aren't you just glad they have left ? You've lost probably one to make room for far better friends to fill up the holes in your heart! Great! So, I'll see you when I see you 'friend" ...

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These flowers were given by the Hubby on my birthday, which is 6 days before V Day. He brings me flowers on my birthday but never on V day. Much like those December birthday celebrants. They receive gifts on their birthday and seldom get a Christmas gift. {but Hubby brings orchids from Singapore whenever he reports to their head office. }
O well.... still feels good to be remembered anytime. It's really the thought that counts !

LOL ... lots of Love .... betsisanders 2013