death & impermanence

Title: Ｄeath & Impermanence
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Medium: Acrylic on Museum Wrapped Canvas
Artist: betsisandeers 2010

"Death is certain and it cannot be prevented. Our lives cannot increase, but keep on decreasing. As we get older, we are one step closer to death. Death will definitely come, even if you practice the dharma."

These were the first statements of Kadampa Budhist Nun Gen Keiang Yangdak at the Buddhist seminar last weekend (Oct 1-3). That was too much to handle, first thing in the morning, on a rainy Saturday, when I usually am in deep slumber.

Simply Meditate ... is a series of meditation classes and Buddhist teachings given by Kadampa Buddhist Nun Gen Kelsang Yangdak, Resident Teacher at Compassion Buddhist Meditation Society in Johor Bahru, Malaysia. Classes were held at The ISIP Centre, Rockwell, Makati City.

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I always write about death, talk about death, think about death, cry about death, even 'breathe' about death . I'd say I already have a 'master's degree' on death. Death will come and no one escapes death. Death , death, death ....

I remember being asked by my husband, what I'd do if I knew this was my last day? I was quick to answer that I'd be doing whatever it is that I am doing right now. I'd probably be painting, reading, writing, cleaning, cooking, reciting my morning novenas and praying the rosary at night. I would be with the two most important persons in my life.

Our teacher said that at the time of death, we cannot bring our wealth with us. We leave our loved ones behind and that only the practice of dharma can help us.

What is dharma practice? Dharma means one's righteous duty, it can be equivalent simply to religion. Therefore, dharma practice is simply spiritual practice.

“Dharma practice isn't just coming to the temple; it's not simply readharma,ding a Buddhist scripture or chanting the Buddha's name. Practice is how we live our lives, how we live with our family, how we work together with our colleagues, how we relate to the other people in the country and on the planet.” It is loving all sentient beings.

Difficult to do, but not impossible. We can start with loving our selves first, then our immediate families, our friends, our acquaintances. Then, from there, we shall love others, even those difficult to love. If you fail today, try again tomorrow.

Love, love lots, truly love / betsisanders 2010

Beautiful Wings

Title: Beautiful Wings
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Medium: Acrylic
Artist: betsisanders 2010

Butterflies never know how beautiful their wings are. It is only through the eyes, our eyes, other people's eyes, that their wings are seen and appreciated.

Remember the song, "Vincent"? The song was for Vincent Van Gogh. "Now I understand, what you're trying to say to me. How you suffered for your sanity and how you tried to set them free. They are not listening , they are not listening still. Perhaps they never will." The lyrics are a call for help, a desperate call from people who suffer quietly from overwhelming sadness, frustration and depression. It is a loud cry to make life easy. It is a demand for people to not just listen but for people to love them.

If only Vincent had seen his beautiful wings ...

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Basic human need... to be loved, needed and accepted.

I am so lucky to have loving people around me. I am fortunate to have friends and family who fill the holes in my heart. Each day is another opportunity to do well, another occasion to celebrate life, and another moment to be happy.

Love, love lots, truly love / betsisanders 2010

Peaceful Pond

Title: Peaceful Pond
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Artist: betsisanders 2010

"in spite of all our problems and confusion, all our emotional and psychological ups and downs, there is something basically good about our existence as human beings. We start with the basic goodness of being alive. We can cure ourselves of depression if we recognize that the world we have and live in ... is good."

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Here are some of the teachings written by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, author of "How to Solve Our Human Problems".

*Avoid places that disturb your mind, and remain where your virtues increase.

*Avoid friends who cause you to increase your delusions (ignorance, desire, anger, jealousy, pride & doubt). Avoid conceited, proud and arrogant minds, and remain peaceful and subdued.

*Since there is never a time when worldly activities come to an end,then, limit your activities.

*Always watch your mind.

*Practice contentment.

*Words of praise and fame serve only to beguile us, so, blow them away.

*Do not be attached to anything.

*Have no hatred for enemies and no attachment for friends.

*Do not look for faults in others, but look for faults in your self.

*Do not contemplate on your own good qualities, but contemplate the good qualities of others.

*Keep a smiling face and a loving mind.

*Speak in moderation and only when necessary.

*Stop activities that are not spiritual.

*Since you cannot tame the minds of others until you have tamed your own, begin by taming your mind now.

*Practice giving.

*Be free from anger.

*Offending a holy being is worse than dying.

***Since happiness , pleasure and friends you gather in this life last only for a moment, put them all behind you. Since future lives last for a very long time, gather up riches to provide for the future.

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Peaceful pond... just an ideal place where one can be still and quiet.

One can learn to be at peace in the midst of traffic during rush hour or in a fast food place filled with hungry people during lunch hour. Any place, anywhere, any time is good. One can learn to be quiet and be at peace even in the middle of all the chaos and the "busy-ness" of life.

Keep still, Focus on your breathe. Silence your mind. If a thought comes, follow it and watch it go away. One easy way to free your mind of thoughts is think of your next thought. This way, your mind will be free of any thought.

Learn to appreciate the goodness in your surroundings, the goodness in the people around you, and the goodness that is in all of us.

Love, love lots. truly love =] betsisanders 2010

The Cook

Title: The Cook (based on Darrin Hoover's Chef's Special painting)
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Artist: betsisanders 2010

Atisha, a great bodhisattva in India, helped to spread Buddhism to Tibet in the 11th century. When he went to Tibet, he took his Indian cook with him. This cook was very disagreeable, speaking harshly and being rude and obnoxious to people. He even regularly insulted Atisha. The Tibetans asked, "Why did you bring this person with you? We can cook for you. You don't need him!" But Atisha said, "I do need him. I need him to practice patience."

So when someone criticizes me I think, "He is an incarnation of Atisha's cook."

When people with whom we don't get along point out our faults to us, we have to look at them. We can't run away anymore. When we're outrageously angry, burning with jealousy or attachment is eating away at us, we can't deny that we have these negative emotions. Of course, we try to say that it's the other person's fault, that we have these horrible emotions only because they made us have them.

But after we've listened to the Buddha's teachings, this rationale doesn't work any more. We know in our hearts that our happiness and suffering come from our own mind. Then, even though we try to blame our difficulties on other people, we know we can't. We are forced to look at them ourselves. And when we do, we also see that they are incredible opportunities to grow and learn.

This is taken from "Buddhism In Modern Society"
by: Venerable Thubten Chodron

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There are so many 'cooks' in my life. They are those ungrateful, unappreciative, user- friendly frenemies that have created holes in my heart. This Buddhist teaching tells me to learn from these individuals. Patience is what they 'll teach me. Instead of getting angry, irritated or lose sleep thinking about them, I shall ignore, walk away like the 'duck', and be with people who are appreciative, thoughtful and loving,

Growing up in a Catholic school, we were taught to "love our enemies". I could never understand, grasp or accept this teaching because it was very difficult to do. It was like a command, an order, that was very hard to follow.

But with the way it is explained by the Buddhist teachers, it seemed easier to apply in my life. They give a more positive approach and that is to be tolerant of others, understand and learn from these 'cooks' and thereby learn patience.

We were also told that when one thinks of doing bad things to other people, one already commits a sin. The mere thought was considered sinful. In Buddhist teachings, these are just monstrous thoughts. These monstrous thoughts are just regarded as thinking. These thoughts, whether monstrous or benevolent are just thoughts. They are neither virtuous nor sinful, just thoughts. No thought deserves a gold medal or a reprimand. One can think of assassinating an enemy or baking a cake. these are just thoughts.

As I always find myself thinking all the time, I get tired and emotional. So, to silence my mind, I paint, read, write, cook, or bake, go on the treadmill, watch a movie or listen to dance music, or I simply sit in silence or better still, I pray.

Love, love lots and truly love. / betsisanders 2010

Sneak Peek into My Life's Abstractions

Title: My Life's Abstractions
Medium: Mixed Media / Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 39 x 39 inches
Artist: betsisanders 2010

What is life's abstractions? It is whatever you think it is. It is whatever I feel at this moment, and that can change any time. It is freedom of expression. It is your freedom of interpretation. They can represent anything that comes to your mind at this time. It is anything, something or simply nothing.

It is what I want you to see...only those that I want to show. I may be criticized, misunderstood, judged. It doesn't matter.

Life is what I make it. Life is what I do with it. Life can be beautiful when I create. Life can be a drag if one destroys. As much as possible, I do not wish to hurt or tear down anyone.

I have no control of what you think or what you feel. If what I say or do displeases you, then, I will choose to walk away from you.

As I have quoted Dan Brown ..'there are those who create and those who tear down'.. I know which one I choose to be. If it isn't good enough for you, it is good enough for me. ... and that is all that matters. In the end, only He matters.

My Life's Abstractions / Part 8

Title: Peace & Freedom
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Part 8 ... of My Life's Abstractions

As Ms. Gilda Cordero-Fernando wrote in the Sunday paper, "Freedom is one of the perks of getting old.I can go anywhere I wish and with whom. Or not show up. I can dress any way I want, avoid funerals or golden anniversaries. I can join a safari (if I can walk), or enroll for a doctorate, or learn how to put on make up and false eyelashes, or learn to cut hair or disappear into the maw of an ashram.I can be as silly as I want, or wear bling-blings, or be as glittery as Lady Gaga? I can undergo liposuction, tummy tuck or go through what they call a plastic overhaul."

I can do whatever I want. At my age, who cares if I sleep til noon, or if I watch DVD's until dawn? Who cares if I cook and bake for days? Who cares where I go or how I spend? ..or if I all I do is type away on my computer, blog, or just surf the web. That's freedom.

The lady writer also said that "Freedom also recognizes other people's feelings." I say, "...most specially my feelings. If it doesn't feel right , or feel good, I'll walk away, stay away."

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Title: Two 'Ducks'
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas

There will always be 'two ducks' in all of my paintings.

After two ducks get into a fight, which doesn't last long, they separate and go off in opposite directions. Then each duck flaps its wings vigorously o release the surplus and pent up energy or anger built up during the fight. After which, they flap their wings and fly away on opposite directions. They fly on peacefully, as if nothing happened.

I am one of those ducks who chose to walk away, fly away as far away as I could... to live in peace, to love only those who love me back and to try to be happy most of the time, if not, all the time.

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"I know I haven't stopped growing up. I still have a lot of questions. I seek answers. I face more obtacles and will learn from these. It will never be enough. Once I stop asking, learning, doing and being, and when there is no more room for life's lessons, then it'll be my sweet ending.”

My Life's Abstractions / Part 7

Title: My World
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Part 7 of 8 ... of My Life's Abstractions

Walking on Eggshells by Jane Isay

I've read this book and please allow me to quote directly from it. I will rewrite what Ms Jane had written, add my own personal information and experiences, blend my life with those of people she had written about. I would have wanted to write this on my own but I am not a good writer like Ms. Jane. What she has written explains to me how and why things happen and happened in my life. It will make me understand why and how to live with a sibling, a child, a parent, a relative or even a friend, who suffers from a psychiatric or psychological problem. It will help me cope with this difficult life when I am 'walking on eggshells'.

How do I create, preserve or restore the unique treasure that is family love when there was none to begin with? How do I sustain, maintain and keep relationships with my friends, partners, lovers, when the love has waned, the trust is gone, and the friendship is over?

I have one father, one mother, two sisters. They are all that I once had. I value them and love them. ... and I do expect to be valued and loved in return. How do I create, restore, or preserve that family love when one has chosen to live a continent away, ...away not just from me but from our entire family.

In this age of technology, where people are reconnected... long lost classmates from grade school, schoolmates from college, even neighbors have been 'found' through networking sites like Facebook, Multiply, Blogspot or even for the 'not for smart people' Twitter.

All my life, my parents have always told me to understand my sister Victoria, to give her more attention, to extend my patience and never to snap at her, because she is 'special'... one who is emotionally challenged.

Is there really such a thing as a happy family? Those who claim to belong to a happy family all work and think together about how to make things right. But any family who makes you think it is perfect is covering up the truth. Don't we all wish to belong to a perfect happy family, those wonderful parents with perfect grown up children, no conflicts, no problems. I have come to realize that they only show you what they want you to see... and that someone in that family is working doubly hard to make a good impression. I am referring to the family I grew up with, not the family I made.

Fights and reconciliations. Pain and joy are the stuff of human life. Expectations not met, feelings hurt, serious mistakes by everyone... that is what real life is made of. What needs to be done is how to stay connected through the hard times; how to maintain the balance between closeness and distance that works for all of us... and to make sure that the bonds don't break. Easy to say but quite difficult to do.

Conflict in any relationship is scary. It takes a tremendous amount of confidence to lay your cards on the table. Most people don't have the courage to fight, because they are afraid of permanently damaging relationships. They use other means to deal with differences. They choose and take the alternate route.

Distance is her friend. She has put up walls, huge heavy brick walls to keep us away from her life, to keep us from getting too close and by doing so, years have passed, many many years. She seldom writes or calls. She sends e-cards or roses... that's it. That's about it. .. and that is all that will ever be. Physical distance can sometimes help maintain harmony where conflicts exist. The geographical distance has enabled her to be herself. But how long can I put up with this kind of relationship? Love will wane and I will drift away and never come back. I will choose to walk away and never return.

Old fights, new issues...they have kept people apart emotionally. Perhaps we are both disappointed in one another. We are too demanding, and our disappointment shows, or, our old quirks still rub them the wrong way.

There are holes in my heart created by failed relationships. However, there are others who patiently and lovingly fill up these holes in my heart and she is my other sister Maria. I also have many friends and relatives who make up for the shortcomings of my frenemies and sister Victoria.

Elizabeth David said, “There are people who take the heart out of you, and there are people who put it back.”

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I am not the only one walking on eggshells here. We all do. But what we should do is try to keep the peace and never give up on those we love. As they say, "Never give up on love." If you still find it very difficult, then just let things be. Time could probably heal and repair all wounds. If not, then so be it. At the end of the day, you can truly say that you did your best. If one person appreciates what you do, then that is enough. If no one appreciates, you know well that He does and that's more than enough.

My Life's Abstractions / Part 6

Title: There's Nothing to Hide
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Part 6 of 8 ... of My Life's Abstractions

"Growth happens at any age. A seven year old may mature early when life is hard or maturity may elude an 80 year old grandfather, who has refused to learn from the mistakes he has committed in his lifetime.

Life is about choices. Follow your heart and you will never go wrong. Do not be embarrassed to say no. How many social functions are we 'forced' to attend? We treat them as bothersome obligations rather than joyful happenings.

We become more and more honest as we get older. We choose whom we want to see or prefer not to at the moment. He or she may be someone you love, used to love, like or used to like. It doesn't matter. It won't matter . You'll survive it and he /she will too.

Growing old is having the freedom of not having to say something nice. If you don't feel it, don't say it. It is learning to keep your mouth shut lest you utter sharp criticisms or hurtful words. Grown ups should not indulge in gossip.

Growing old is having the courage to detach from a person, a group or activity that we feel no longer makes us grow. Or drags us down.Old people no longer do things to please anybody."

There is no need to hide anything, or hide from anybody. Everything is out in the open. Take me or leave me. Love me or hate me. It doesn't matter anymore. My time is short and one day, nothing will matter anymore.

Only one will matter to me. Him.

[ Quotes from "When I Grow Up" by Ms. Gilda Cordero-Fernando]

My Life's Abstractions / Part 5

Title: I Forgive You
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Part 5 of 8... of My Life's Abstractions

“Some people are like slinkies --- not really good for anything, but they bring a smile on your face when pushed down the stairs.' ...MEAN.... yes. I'm sure you feel the same way about your frenemies and they feel the same way about you too.

This is just a monstrous thought, a harmless funny thought. You can just laugh at it. No further action is necessary. You have released your emotions and then you can simply go back to what you were doing. .. or you can choose to forgive.

“to forgive and be forgiven” is maturity. I have been enslaved by deep hurts and have built up walls or fortresses of unforgiveness. While my frenemies, the unforgiven, just got up and go... they brushed off the dust of unforgiveness and went on with their lives.

I choose to forgive ..not to benefit others but to do myself the favor of walking away, to be free from the pain and release them all to Him,, who is the ultimate judge.

This is what I intend to do....Forgiveness is easier said than done.... but I will try this. I forgive you for the damage that you have done. I forgive you for the pain that you have caused me. I forgive you for taking advantage of my kindness. I forgive you for all the lies you have told about me. I forgive you not loving me back. I forgive you for the relationship that had been severely damaged.

I will say this over and over. I will repeat it over and over when I am alone. At first it will just be on the mind level. The hurt and the bad memories still remain in my bones, blood and cells. It needs only a small nudge for the resentment and hurt to surface once again....Only a shift in perception can finally excise it....if I fail today, I will start again tomorrow. I will call on the universe until it helps me to forgive and to let go, until the pain and the hurt will cease to exist.

(Portions of this was taken from an article I read last Sunday, written by Ms. Gilda Cordero-Fernando. Thank you Madam, you helped me a lot with what you wrote and as I publish this blog, others may benefit from it too.)

My Life's Abstractions / Part 3 & 4

Title: “The Lady loves... flowers & heels”
Meduim: Acrylic on Canvas
Part 3 of 8 ... of My Life's Abstractions

Who doesn't love flowers? I love yellow roses. Other than flowers, I love wearing heels. I'm barely 5 feet in height , too short. After my spine surgery in 1997, I wasn't allowed to wear high heels for long periods of time.

Happiness is receiving flowers.

Happiness is being able to walk without a limp, without the aid of crutches or a cane, and most specially, to be able to wear heels and walk with ease and grace.

Title: Church, Our Lady of Perpetual Help
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas / Mixed Media
Part 4 of 8 ... of My Life's Abstractions

Why do you pray? ... and ...How do you pray?

I pray not because I want something or need anything... not because I'm in trouble, nor hurt, nor I'm damaged, distressed, miserable or suffering. .. not because life is hard.

I pray to thank God. If your only prayer is a prayer of thanks then that will suffice.

My Life's Abstractions / Part 1 & 2

Title: What can you see?
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Part 1 of 8 .. of My Life's Abstractions

You will only see what I want you to see. At my age, I have realized and accepted that there are a lot of stuff that I may never have; there are things that I can never do; and that who I am now is all that I'll ever be. At this age, I am limited by my talent, financial capabilities, physical disabilities or handicap, lack of opportunity or missed opportunities; even limited by “connections” - who's who, whom I've never met nor will ever meet... and for lack of time.

That man is you... trying to see me, but you will only see what I want you to see.

Title: Sunlight
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Part 2 of 8 .. of My Life's Abstractions

Have you heard the song “Save the Sunlight” by Lani Hall, or “Like a Lover” by Sergio Mendez, “Sunlight” by Kevin Lettau and Tower of Power's “You Can't Fall Up”. These are just some of my favorite songs. What do these songs have in common? They are songs about love and life. How the sun, the moon , the stars become your most loved one. .. and how one cannot fall up , but just fall down.

The sunrise and the sunset are the most used subjects in paintings. As I see the sun over the horizon, I feel His presence, His omnipotence. I feel His love through those beautiful 'picture-perfect' sunsets... and after the long dark lonely night, He wakes me up and showers me with His love through a most magnificent sunrise.

"our eyes like our memories need help"

Title : Church
Size: 12 x 14 inches
Medium: Mixed Media / Acrylic on Canvas
Date: 2007

As one gets older, the first thing to go is the eyesight. Didn't we use to have perfect 20/20 vision during our youth? That was also how we viewed our life, very clear and full of optimism. But as the years went by, our vision started to fail us. We have become less optimistic, with all the obstacles, trials and problems we've gone through, we see our lives less clear. We hurt, we fear, we ache and we cry all the time. Our eyes , like our memories need help. We need a clearer vision of our lives. Bad memories sometimes dominate our thoughts. Our memories need to remember only the good times, the 'happy' days.

Ten years ago, my Nanay was on her death bed. She had been bedridden for almost one and a half years, undergoing peritoneal dialysis four times a day. There were days when I didn't know what to do, when all I could do was cry, when I couldn't do anything but pray. ... and even if I prayed a lot, I still ended up frightened, frustrated, even angry.

Every time the Our Father was sung during Mass, I start weeping uncontrollably. I used to wear dark sunglasses to church, until one day, I finally stopped going to church.

One time, I went to the Ateneo at Rockwell, where Boyet as taking his MBA. I passed by the chapel and thought of saying a short prayer. It was my first time to visit this chapel. I saw the Bible, which was on a lectern and that day's Gospel was about “The Lord's Prayer”. ... “Our Father in heaven, holy be Your name, Your kingdom come, Your will be done.... on earth as it is in heaven...” I realized the meaning of the first few lines. Didn't I always pray the Our Father when saying the rosary? But never really understood what it meant.

It is God's will that shall be done here on earth. With this prayer, I surrendered my fears and anxieties. I lifted everything to Him. I knew He would take care of everything. He would take care of my Nanay. He would end all her suffering. God won't give everything I asked for, but in my heart, I knew that whatever happens, it'll be for the best. I learned to trust in Him. He has a plan for me and for all of us. .. and everything will happen in God's time.

As we get much older, our loved ones, our grandparents, then, our parents, even our partners and friends, sometimes even our children have to go ahead of us.

Cry if you have to, if you need to ... because that's the only thing that you can do. But you can't cry forever. so hold on to the fond memories, the ' happy times' .. these can help you go through the sad days and the lonely nights. ... and don't forget to pray “The Our Father”. It helps me, it'll help you too.

Our eyes and our memories need help. Our Father will provide all the help we need.

dedicated to my lovely bff's celebrating their birthdays this july

The title of this abstract painting is 'Mind Boggling". It is presently displayed at Uncle Moe's Greek Restaurant at City Golf, owned by Paul Martinez. It's probably displayed at the comfort room =]=]=)

It's part of "betsisanders' life's abstractions collection"......, so it could mean anything.. it could even be a blank slate for you to make your birthday wishes... so, think of a wish now and I pray that your wishes will come true.

This is my gift for the these lovely friends , Marivic, Wennie and Mitchie who are celebrating their birthdays... Oh let's add Karel,, she is also a July celebrant.

It's 330 am... once again, I am awake at the wee hours of dawn, despite taking 4 different medications whose side effects are supposed to cause drowsiness and sleepiness. One is even cautioned to drive a vehicle when taking these medicines. But... they seem to only work half the time they should be working on me. So, here I am again, awake at this ungodly hour.

This sleeplessness can cause or trigger CPS Chronic Pain Syndrome, the cycle of sleeplessness, that causes sadness and could have been caused by suffering or physical pain. I was actually in pain last night..had about 14 trigger points of pain characteristic of fibromyalgia. But i didn't allow myself to suffer the pain , I took my meds, slipped under the cool comforter and waited for them to take effect, then I started painting and did it for two hours, until the drugs made me drowsy. Took out Jodi Picoult's book “My Sister's Keeper” and started reading, that's when I fell asleep around 130... two hours later, I'm here typing away, instead of staring at the ceilings and walls or watching some boring tv show, I try to be productive .. who knows.. I might write something worth your while.

How I wish I can prepare a party for the all of you. I have actually planned a menu weeks ago... We would have Mediterranean Tuna Bruschetta, Ham – Cheese -Pineapple dip w/ crackers, Savory Pork Pot Roast, Lemon Pesto Chicken and for dessert Easy Peach Trifle. Got the recipes from Walmart... but... the recipe cards will remain on my table until we are able to get together my dearest lovely friends.

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CPS... Chronic Pain Syndrome...is unrelenting, real and demoralizing. I have become a victim of this vicious cycle., in which my preoccupation with pain had led to irritability and depression.... SSS, sleeplessness, sadness and suffering .. this terrible triad is Chronic Pain Syndrome.

But I have learned to survive and deal with this syndrome. I do not let it ruin my days or nights anymore. I have learned to counter all its symptoms... My best friend and confessor told me to substitute the S's... to sleepy, smile and suffering- free... thanks Ninong Alan, I always try to follow your advice, my dear friend and 'confessor'...i wish you had become a priest, so you'll be a true father confessor for me.

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Just a lovely thought for my birthday celebrator friends... taken from “Uh-oh”, Robert Fulghum's book, which i just recent finished reading...

“It is a required condition of loving someone and being loved back”..

This is the basic requirement for friendships to last.. and our friendships have endured 40 or more years. i wish you guys more years of friendship and I be there to count them.

.. and you know what else is necessary for friendships to last....??? gratitude... Fulghum said, Gratitude is “ a solemn acknowledgment of kindness received”.. and to show you how grateful i am for your love and friendship, I just love you back. =]=]=]

I woke up this morning with a solemn and devout feeling of gratitude for your friendships. According to Elizabeth David “There are those people who take the heart out of you and there are those people who put them back. Here's a toast to these lovely ladies.... love, love lots, and truly love !!! cheers!!!!
... another koi painting for prosperity and good luck! CHEERS!!!!


betsisanders July 28, 2010 / 0455

Betsisanders' Life's Abstractions (July 2010)

Working all day in the clinic doesn't make me physically tired (btw, I'm a dentist) but makes me weary, bored, or lacking in zeal and enthusiasm.

So, to counter this negative 'emotion' 'feeling' (?) I paint. I made abstract paintings and called them "Life's Abstractions".

(As I compose this blog, before my medicines take effect, before I am under the influence, or before I start reading one of Fulghum's books, ... I take a couple of Moscato shots, mmm , yummy! )








Abstractions... an abstracting or being abstracted.. what? let's try another meaning... formation of an idea, by mental separation from particular instances or material objects. (?) try again please ... an unrealistic or impractical notion hmmmm..... mental withdrawal or absent mindedness that's better!!!

Abstract ...thought of apart from any particular instances or material objects; not concrete; not easy to understand ... just like life... is not easy to understand.

Abstracted ... means removed or separated; withdrawn in mind... absent minded

Abstract expressionism... is a post World War II movement in painting characterized by emphasis on the artist's spontaneous and self expressive application of paint in creating a nonrepresentational composition.

All these meanings are taken from Mr. Webster.

But what is life's abstractions??? It is whatever you think it is. It is whatever I feel at this moment, and that can change any time. It is freedom of expression. It is your freedom of interpretation. They can represent anything that comes to your mind at this time. It is anything, something or simply nothing.

Life is what you make it. Life is what you do with it. Life can be beautiful if you create. Life can be a drag if all you do is destroy or tear down. As I have quoted Dan Brown ..'there are those who create and those who tear down'.. so, which one are you?

I know which one I choose to be... love, love lots & truly love....
..... betsisanders /blog written on July 18, 2010

Contemplative Prayer

Title: Pray (2 paintings)
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas (Museum Wrapped)
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Artist: betsisanders 2010

Contemplative prayer was first done by monks in the 3rd century, who lived in isolation in desert mountains. St. Anthony of the Desert,a revered Egyptian monk, lived like a hermit, he moved away from society and lived in the desert, in 270 A.D. Many others followed his lifestyle and became hermits. Eighty years later, the first monastery was built and brought the hermits together under one roof. They lived 'monastic' lives in a congregation, instead of each one living alone in the desert.

Our Catholic practice of saying the rosary, when we contemplate on the mysteries of the rosary and repetitively say the prayers, the Our Father, Hail Mary & Glory Be, then visualize these mysteries, is contemplative prayer.

Christian meditation is another popular method of contemplative prayer, where a strong emphasis is placed on interior silence. The purpose is to clear the mind of rational thought, in order to focus on the indwelling of presence. Christians would sit comfortably, close their eyes, relax, be quiet and try to be in love and faith with God. They would then choose a sacred word like Jesus, God, Abba, Spirit, or love etc... Then they let the word be gently present as their symbol of pure intention to be in the Lord's presence, thus, they open themselves to the divine action within them. Whenever they become aware of anything (thoughts, feelings, perceptions, images, etc) , they simply return to their sacred word, their anchor.

Mindful awareness... a form of meditation that can free one from intrusive thoughts. It helps stop a blue mood from becoming a full blown depression. The idea is to identify a destructive thought pattern then simply label it, watch it and let it pass by whenever it happens in your mind. Follow the thought, then it will eventually disappear. Or, one can just free the mind from any thought, no thoughts, and feel the Presence, the Being. This too can be some form of contemplative prayer.

betsisanders / May 2010

two ducks / swans

Title: Two 'Ducks' 2010
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas (Museum Wrapped)
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Artist: betsisanders 2010

********
Remember the two ducks? We've all been offended at one time or another. An exchange of hurtful and angry words uttered in the heat of the argument; the need to retaliate, attack, fight and punch back; to speak with scorn and disrespect that only meant to hurt, offend, insult, assault to cause damage. After a while, you go on separate ways. Even then, something inside makes you want to relive the encounter, but you choose to erase all the painful memories. After a long while, you've finally forgotten, if not, forgiven. Just like the two ducks who flapped their wings and flew off in separate ways... as if nothing ever happened. I am one of those ducks. betsisanders / May 2010

betsisanders: Two 'Ducks' 2010

betsisanders: Two 'Ducks' 2010

Two 'Ducks' 2010

Title: Two 'Ducks' 2010
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas (Museum Wrapped)
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Artist: betsisanders 2010



********


Remember the two ducks?

We've all been offended at one time or another. An exchange of hurtful and angry words uttered in the heat of the argument; the need to retaliate, attack, fight and punch back; to speak with scorn and disrespect that only meant to hurt, offend, insult, assault to cause damage.

After a while, you go on separate ways. Even then, something inside makes you want to relive the encounter, but you choose to erase all the painful memories. After a long while, you've finally forgotten, if not, forgiven.

Just like the two ducks who flapped their wings and flew off in separate ways... as if nothing ever happened.

I am one of those ducks.

betsisanders / May 2010

candy -- funny how time flies

Ttle : Candy
Medium: Acrylic on canvas (museum wrapped)
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Artist: betsisanders 83


Candy, represents youthfulness. You don't see a 50 year old like me with this candy in my mouth while I walk in the malls. But younger kids, high school girls walk around with this lolly sticking out from their mouths. I don't remember the time last time my 17 y/o son asked me to buy him a whistle pop or that candy pop that is shaped like a pacifier. We used to buy a big plastic full of these 'pacifiers' , but he would only eat a certain kind of flavor and the flavors he didn't like end up being given to his cousins. I would have enjoyed those little 'sucker treats', but my 'diabetes' conscience tells me otherwise.

This is probably the last summer that I will bond with my son. ....... our family driver resigned last month and I haven't found a replacement, It is mom, me, who brings Alvin to his violin and piano lessons at the UP college of Music.

Sometimes, I let him drive the car, hoping that when school starts in June, he will be able to drive himself to school. In the meantime, I will enjoy this last summer where mom and son will always be together, to bond, to have small petty arguments, have fun intimate dinners together, go shopping in the mall and simply be there for each other... this summer will be most memorable, because my young boy is turning 18 on may 24, will be a little man now and not a young boy.; who definitely has a mind of his own, independent and will not be needing mom anymore.

He goes out with a group of guys who play anime songs. Alvin plays keyboard. His friend Kris plays the drums. 2 other guys play the guitars and 2 nice girls from St Bridget and Miriam College are their vocalists. They will have a gig this Saturday at the Metrowalk, I still have to find out where their gig will be.

I have always dreamed that my son will become a doctor, or a dentist, but he has other plans like going to the college of music, what shall we do then? ..... nothing.. if that is his calling, then we just have to support him.

I've always told Alvin that I have a very successful friend in dentistry , who has a successful practice and is even Chairman of the Board of Dentistry, but he plays nightly at a bar, on keyboard for his 8 track band . I told Alvin that he can become a doctor and still get to play in a band. =[ maybe my friend can talk to my son and give him some advice.

Alvin is growing up really fast, too fast, and I am falling/trailing behind him. He is more intelligent than mom, more patient, and tolerates his mom's bad moods.

Always remember these Alvin,,,, mom will always be mom even when I am old and grey; daddy and mommy love your more than anyone and anything in this whole world.

Next time I ask to buy cotton candy, pls allow mom.. it's just like old times, I'll eat a piece and you eat the rest. I would like to eat them all but I might just find myself in a diabetic coma...I wouldn't want to miss everything you'll do in your young life. Pray that mom will live a little longer to see you become a great handsome guy, loved by many. Never be away from mom and dad because we love you lots.

Thanks for accompanying mom to America. Mom never travels alone... and it is always family who will be there for us. Roseville , here we come....=]=]=]your Ate Cristina is now Doctor of Dental Medicine. She emailed me and said that we are now the same, both dentists. She even asked if i could be there to 'hood' her. What a beautiful request and privilege. How i wish i could be there.I am so happy for you my dear Tina.

I'm so proud of all of you my dear little nieces and nephews. You've all grown and have become successful, career-orriented kids. Your young lives have just begun.

Take care all of you.. I'll give you some candy, to remind you how we oldies took care of you when you were little.... We gave you boxes of Hershey bars, Kisses and lollies =]


betsisanders 2010

CHAIR... at the corner of this little garden

Title: Chair at the corner of this little garden
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas (museum wrapped)
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Artist: betsisanders 2010

SOLITUDE... state of being completely alone; being cut off from human contact; also means isolation or physical separation from other people; seclusion or confining oneself to one's home or a remote place separate from the outside world.

Some people had worn me out. I felt very tired, lacked patience, intolerant of their moods, and most often simply irked by their presence. I had been very critical of their needs, demands, problems. Instead of sympathy, empathy or compassion, I found myself resenting them more and more. We were just too close for comfort and I retreated to my own little world and kept a distance.

I dreaded hearing mass on Sundays. There was no solemnity in the service. I get distracted by some over-dressed woman, irritated by little children, had lost my concentration and couldn't understand the priest's sermon.

By being still and simple, I emptied my spirit. I had become an empty vessel, devoid of thoughts, monstrous thoughts. In being alone, I had come face to face with my negative emotions, fear, anger, hurt, sadness. I said to myself, that what bothers me now, right will not matter or bother me ten years from now. Only then do I become calm and peaceful.

In solitude, I learned to love myself more. I realized that if other people are ganging up on me, it does not matter. They do not matter. I have discovered, unearthed things inside me and fulfilled my dreams. The creative half of myself revealed the real me.

Where does this creativity come from? From Him, Who is inside me all the time. I sought Him in churches or monasteries, in the confines of my bedroom, in the privacy of my bathroom...He manifests His presence anywhere... even at the 'corner of this little garden'.

betsisanders 2010

if you can't iimprove the silence, be quiet...

<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4U14ATvQUfnxyS6db6YGN0Ka7j-kT81hfvKgpD3KUpZw0NDLmnBG03Tm-if6f0R_7arIDGiG7Jcux-4LtHy9LXd_AKdtG2YcbHtjhliUaWE6IPdrAmJqp6cGUwds8n7HFZpMZJpFZDqJ6/s1600/parrot+1.JPG">Title: My Colorful Pet Parrot
Size: 5 x 7 inches / museum wrapped
Medium: Acrylic
Artist: betsisanders 2010

One can teach a parrot to speak, if only to utter words of praise. How I wish human beings can also be taught to speak only about good things, They say that if you cannot improve the silence, do not speak.

But I write and speak my mind. I hope that with what I have to say today, on Good Friday, one or two people will be inspired. I am conceited and I want what I write, paint or say, to be appreciated , and probably help someone in need to make his/her life a little better, a little happier. ..I m not a shallow person or a person who has 'sayad' or 'topak'.... I'd like to be remembered as a profound significant thoughtful loyal and generous friend. If one or two persons feel that way about me, I will forever be grateful.

>>>>>>>>

Every Good Friday,it has been my habit to watch the “Seven Last Words” on television. What struck me most about today's sharing or sermon was the first 'sharer'. She didn't have the eloquence or the ability to to be persuasive, fluent or be a powerful speaker. All she did was thank the people who helped her, after she survived being hacked, mutilated by four men. There was a long pause after her 'thank you' speech. I thought that was the shortest most boring 'sharing'. After a while, someone started to sing and I thought that they were getting ready for the next sharer. Meanwhile, at the corner of the stage , rather, altar of Christ the King Church, there she was wearing a chef's uniform and was preparing a salad using her arms. She had no hands.

I was in awe. She has forgiven those who have mutilated her body; had the determination to go on living despite her physical handicap. She is one grateful individual, who had shown her deepest gratitude to all those who had helped her survive her ordeal and pursue a better life. She did not need any words.... I understood.

“Forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.”

The priest, who earlier shared his thoughts on the first of the Seven Last Words, said that he once had distanced himself from a sister , or was it a sister in law. He said that the woman wrote him letters, very bad letters, and that he was very much hurt with what the woman had written. He stayed away from the woman, banished her from his life, turned his back on her.

I found myself identifying with this priest's actions or reactions. I, too, have done the same thing, stayed away, turned my back and banished my frenemies from my life.

The priest continued his narration. He said that he later found out that the woman had mental illness. That was when he realized that the woman did not know what she was doing, and that he had forgiven her.

How I wish I could say that my frenemies or detractors also have mental illness, so that it will be easy for me to forgive them.

If I compare what my frenemies had done to me, to what Jesus had to endure... my hurts, my suffering, my complaints are nothing. I just have to look up to Jesus on the cross, who had forgiven those who made him suffer. Who am I not to forgive.

“Father, Forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.”

*****

May I quote Father Orbos, “Do not be a storm to other people's lives.” “Do not cause them pain, or make them worry, or cause them trouble, and sleepless nights.”

What are these storms that enslave you, or chain you, and make you troubled captives?


always needing to be right
constant self pity or self doubt
blaming others instead of looking into one's self and taking resonsibility
endless criticism, gossiping, miakng up stories to prove one's innocence, to prove one is not guilty of any wrongdoing
being happy for others' misery
continual fretting and worryiing
being arrogant and putting other people down, feeling all powerful, all righteous, all popular, all great and mighty
an ungrateful person, never acknowledging the help that was given to her, forgetiing how she was once a recipient of another's generosity
thinking only of one's self, self-centered, selfish
always bragging about her material possessions only shows how sick she really is

>>>>>>>>

the inability to forgive. That is the greatest shackle or chain that holds me captive. To forgive those who do not know what they are doing. To love the unlovable. This, dear Lord, I have yet to learn, so that i shall be free from the chains that bind me, so that I can be not just happy, but be able to make others happy too. ...and when I can do this, I will be able to attain my latest pursuit... joy

The pursuit of happiness, which was my goal three years ago has been achieved. I can say that I am completely happy. Now, i have raised my level... my pursuit will be of joy. How will I go about this? With God's help, with those people who love me back and with my dearest loved ones and true friends, I will be able to achieve joy, everlasting joy.

betsisanders' prayer....”Lord, teach me and help me to love all sentient beings. to love the unlovable. With your love and guidance, I shall attain this one day. Thank you for making me happy, because only a happy person can make others happy too.”

A

>>>>>>>>

Be a trained parrot who do not speak ill of others, but brings cheer to children and adults. What a lovely beautiful creation of our Lord. How can you not believe there is a God? This creature, this parrot is just one of God's creations. Believe in God. I do.

betsisanders / Good Friday 2010