"our eyes like our memories need help"

Title : Church
Size: 12 x 14 inches
Medium: Mixed Media / Acrylic on Canvas
Date: 2007

As one gets older, the first thing to go is the eyesight. Didn't we use to have perfect 20/20 vision during our youth? That was also how we viewed our life, very clear and full of optimism. But as the years went by, our vision started to fail us. We have become less optimistic, with all the obstacles, trials and problems we've gone through, we see our lives less clear. We hurt, we fear, we ache and we cry all the time. Our eyes , like our memories need help. We need a clearer vision of our lives. Bad memories sometimes dominate our thoughts. Our memories need to remember only the good times, the 'happy' days.

Ten years ago, my Nanay was on her death bed. She had been bedridden for almost one and a half years, undergoing peritoneal dialysis four times a day. There were days when I didn't know what to do, when all I could do was cry, when I couldn't do anything but pray. ... and even if I prayed a lot, I still ended up frightened, frustrated, even angry.

Every time the Our Father was sung during Mass, I start weeping uncontrollably. I used to wear dark sunglasses to church, until one day, I finally stopped going to church.

One time, I went to the Ateneo at Rockwell, where Boyet as taking his MBA. I passed by the chapel and thought of saying a short prayer. It was my first time to visit this chapel. I saw the Bible, which was on a lectern and that day's Gospel was about “The Lord's Prayer”. ... “Our Father in heaven, holy be Your name, Your kingdom come, Your will be done.... on earth as it is in heaven...” I realized the meaning of the first few lines. Didn't I always pray the Our Father when saying the rosary? But never really understood what it meant.

It is God's will that shall be done here on earth. With this prayer, I surrendered my fears and anxieties. I lifted everything to Him. I knew He would take care of everything. He would take care of my Nanay. He would end all her suffering. God won't give everything I asked for, but in my heart, I knew that whatever happens, it'll be for the best. I learned to trust in Him. He has a plan for me and for all of us. .. and everything will happen in God's time.

As we get much older, our loved ones, our grandparents, then, our parents, even our partners and friends, sometimes even our children have to go ahead of us.

Cry if you have to, if you need to ... because that's the only thing that you can do. But you can't cry forever. so hold on to the fond memories, the ' happy times' .. these can help you go through the sad days and the lonely nights. ... and don't forget to pray “The Our Father”. It helps me, it'll help you too.

Our eyes and our memories need help. Our Father will provide all the help we need.