"Angels with broken wings"

Somewhere in El Nido

Matampuhin … According to tagalogpinoydictionary.com, matampuhin means prone to sulkiness or extremely sensitive. It could also mean angry or upset about something and refusing to discuss it with others; often quiet, angry or upset.  Someone once described me as matampuhin or tampururot.  I guess I really am quite sensitive.

As I was reading (again) at midnight…  I came across a quotation written by Shannon L. Adler.  She said that the most genuine and honest people that you will ever meet are “sensitive people”.  I am the most trusting and most “transparent” friend you will ever have. However, since I am extremely sensitive, I find myself in constant pain whenever I am betrayed, lied to, ignored, forgotten or taken for granted. Shannon further added that sensitive people (like me) are ”tortured souls and are unable to live with hatred or being hated.  Our souls are constantly bruised by misunderstanding and unresolved issues.” She also said that we “need the most love anyone can give”. She praised sensitive people and wrote,”.. they are the most compassionate people worth knowing and are the ones that often become activists for the broken hearted, forgotten or misunderstood.”  Adler described sensitive people as “angels with broken wings that only fly with love.”  An angel with broken wings. 

I am able to fly with the outpouring 

of love  from those wonderful individuals 

who love me more and love me most. 

They mend my broken wings and

repair my shattered heart of glass. 

(betsisanders 2015)

What I intend to do since turning double...

(Somewhere in El Nido 2015)

Wikipedia defines "Frenemy" (less commonly spelled "frienemy") as a portmanteau of "friend" and "enemy" that can refer to either an enemy pretending to be a friend or someone who really is a friend but also a rival.

 But wait... what is portmanteau? a blend in linguistics,^[1] is a combination of taking parts (but not all) of two (or more) words or their sounds (morphemes) and their meanings into a single new word.^[1][2][3] The word comes from the English term "portmanteau luggage" for a piece of luggage with two compartments, itself derived from the French portemanteau (from porter [to carry] and manteau [coat])

Who are my frenemies?

      The neighbor whose drainage comes out of the sidewalk and goes down the street, which makes my sidewalk wet all the time even during summer, is a frenemy.  The other neighbor whose maid turns on their radio at 7 am and sings along is also a frenemy.  The neighbors who park their cars in front of my house ‘forever’ are my frenemies. (They don’t park in their garages!)

      The ex-friend who used to hitch a ride home in our MB everyday when we were in fourth year high school; The ex-friend who used to borrow money for tuition in med school; The ex-friend who borrowed my Principles of Internal Medicine book; (she did pay back her loan and returned the book …) who btw, has deleted and blocked me in FB is my frenemy She’s user friendly and I’d be better off deleting her from my mind and consider her inexistent.

       The classmate who enticed me to invest in her dollar trading business, who promised huge interests, then failed to deliver the earnings and issued rubber checks is a frenemy.  Her “intelligent” bff who advised her not to return my dollars because it’s a failed investment and accused me of being a usurer is also a frenemy.   I guess her bff isn’t smart at all.  Hubby sued for estafa and she settled in court, after receiving a warrant of arrest, mug shots and finger prints taken.  Soon the court decision will be made public for the www to read.  Her arrogant bff who I despise more than the estafadora, the one who threatened me with libel when I mentioned about this issue in FB, the one asking for nominations on who will be in charge of the 40^th batch reunion and asked not to be nominated is despicable!  What the …??? The reunion is more like two years from now. There’s more to life than reunions.

       There are actually three more frenemies on my list ...1:  the one who claims to be “god’s gift to men”, 2: her bff -the adulterer, and the 3: the  “bagaholic”.  I do not wish to write about them anymore since I have written about them extensively in my previous blogs. "They are so yesterday." (borrowed quote from a collegue).

       The enemy of my friend is my frenemy. 
     The friend of my enemy is also my frenemy.

     If you don’t like me, I don’t like you too!!!

     Close the door, bolt it and keep it that way.

(Somewhere in El Nido)

Life is so much simpler and quieter with only a few friends. It’s true that frenemies make me stronger.  But, I take such a long time to heal the holes in my heart. It is extremely sad when I feel so alone in the midst of so many.  Since I turned double three months ago, I promised myself to do the following:  

* Avoid big groups.

* Return calls or text back only those who remember.

* Be with truthful / honest people. 

* Spend my time with the two boys who love me most.

* Stay home.

* Paint. Read. Write. Blog.

* Travel less since I've “been there and done that…”. 

* To always remember that long years of friendship don’t count. 

* I used to say ... love those who love you back. I've raised my standards a bit. I will only love back those who love me.

(Somewhere in El Nido)

(Late blog post of my thoughts when I turned 55 last February. Some sort of Chinese New Year Resolution. Better late than never. )

Mother's Day 2015

My Thoughts on Mother's Day 2015

This year's Mother's Day is different from all the other years.  

You'd probably expect me to post food photos

 of our yearly lunch with the San Andres' clan 

or I'd be in Roseville with my sister and Dad.

 Today was intense ...

 but only the first half of the day though. 

***

First ...

Let me tell you about the origin of Mother's Day.  

At the beginning of the 20th century,  

Anna Jarvis (1864-1948) came up with the idea

 of celebrating Mother's Day to honor her mother, 

which is also the reason why Happy Mother's Day

 is singular and not Happy Mothers' Day.

 Ms. Jarvis was a Philadelphia activist. 

She gave away 500 carnations to her mother's 

church in West Virginia on May 10, 1908. 

Read Time's Article. 

***

The white carnation is the emblem for Mother's Day.

  One white carnation would suffice but since

 this day has been commercialized, all sorts of flowers,

 cards, stuffed toys, chocolates (atbp) are sold

 and given to all mothers, dead or alive.

  Btw, I got this photo from someone else's blog 

because I couldn't find my folder of flowers 

and the Hubby gave me a Stargazer Lily arrangement

 instead of a white carnation. I even told him

 that it would have been better if he brought 

home some pancit because lately, 

as I have aged much, I get allergies from flowers.

***

Let me also share with you this photo and quotation.

How I wish I could relate to everything that's written here.

There's one part that is definitely my Nanay and that is 

...  "she is Christmas morning."

I remember one very special Christmas morning.

I was probably eight years old then.

Nanay told us to write to Santa Claus.

Whatever we ask for shall be given on Christmas eve.

That Christmas morning, I woke up with everything I asked for.

 There were two party dresses (one yellow & the other pink)

with matching headbands,  an instamatic camera,

a portable radio / phonograph that played 45 records 

and a big white 'net' bag with silver dollars!

I ran downstairs to Nanay and told her that Santa 

brought presents.  She just smiled.

That same morning, my older male cousins

kept on teasing and said that it was Santa Nanay 

who brought and bought those presents. 

 What?  Santa Nanay?

I just ignored them because I really believed

 in Santa Claus. A few years later, I finally accepted

and realized it was really Santa Nanay all along.

***

A closed door with a wreath and snow on the steps.

It must be Christmas time.

Paulo Coelho wrote, 

“close some doors today. not because of pride,

 incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere.”

The whole morning,  I was literally and physically 

closing my door to someone who served 

me for the past three years.  I finally fired my maid.

I gave her more than what she deserved.

I sent her to night school. I paid her well,

even giving overtime pay.  But for the past

months, she wasn't doing her job...

and that is to clean, meaning sweep, dust, mop,

wash the dishes, pots and pans. 

I do the grocery, cook and clean our bedrooms

and bathroom upstairs (twice a day).

We also do our own laundry and I am the Iron Lady. 

 Told her to leave

several times, but she wouldn't.  Took her TV a month

ago. Deducted a thousand from her salary two weeks

ago.  Then I moved her from the driver's room

near the garage  to the maid's room at the

back of the house last week.  Gave her a list of things

she needed to do last Monday.  Nothing.No improvement.

But she still wouldn't leave.

Son said, "Mom, she won't leave because you

keep giving her  options. Just send her away."

Oh....  so I fired her and closed the door.

Son drove her to the guard house.

My Son told me that the maid said,

"Salamat at sorry."

She always said sorry to me every time I'd get angry.

I was a bit sad to let her go,

but I have had enough.  I have endured her 

laziness and incompetence for three years.

Oh dear... she wakes up at 9 or 10 at 

may siesta pa after lunch.

Breathe. Sigh ........

***

Our two little doggies had to go too!

Hubby brought them to my sister in law's house.

My nephews were just more than willing to

take care of them. They even thanked me.

Hubby will be at the convention for a week

and I just couldn't clean up after these two.

Goodbye Chicco and Becky.

***

That's me ... last November 2013.

It was the last time I saw my Dad.

***

Happy Mother's Day!

I got a few texts from friends but the text

from Dr. Joey, (whose mom is confined

at the hospital at the moment) 

plucked at my heartstrings..

"I believe in love at first sight. I have loved my mother

the moment I set my eyes on her."

Every time I read the text, I just cry.

My reply to Dr. Joey was ...

I hope that Alvin will love and take care of

me like you do when it is my time to go.

We are all mothers really ... when we love,

 serve and care for our aging moms.

Roles are reversed.

I greeted my two male dentist friends 

Dr R & Doc Alan a Happy Mother's Day too!

Walking away...

To whoever wrote this ... Thank You !!!