can you see me? do you know me?

Title: Can you see me? Do you know me?
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 8 x 10 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

I once got an email that had about fifty questions, the purpose of which was to learn more about me, who I am, what I am, who I like , what I like , what I do, what I think or feel, etc.....

There was this question... "Do you use sarcasm?" My answer, "Yes, I do and I use sarcasm a lot!" I further added that "I like it when I see the facial expressions of people when they react to my taunting, ironic and caustic remarks. It is sort of like a game for me, a practical joke." But most people, specially those who do not know me, get 'turned off', irritated or even angry at me.

" I bark... and I bark lot! I don't bite!" I speak my mind, am brutally frank, blunt, straight forward." My criticisms are often taken as offensive, never constructive. It's probably my tone of voice, or how my eyes get bigger when I express my opinions. I remember a teacher in high school who was annoyed at me, because of how I looked at her, or how my eyes seemed to just pierce right through her, and the word she used was "IRAP"... umiirap daw ako!!!

I once asked a classmate in dentistry to describe me in one word. He said, "Friend". If I am described by this person as a friend, then why do some people hate me?

I am often called "Mother" by the girls I used to hang out with... and just recently, a travel mate also said I was motherly. Another friend in FB said that since grade school, she had always known that I had a nurturing soul, if there was such a term.

Then, why did I have a falling out of sorts with some old friends. Those friends who have lost the R (respect) and have turned into fiends. It is because I have stopped loving them. I have stopped being their friend. I have realized that I was only useful to them... so, I stopped loving them.

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Would you approach a dog that barks loudly at you? Would you stroke his fur if his barking never stops? You wouldn't. You would turn away and walk away. But if you knew the dog, even if it barks all day, you would smile at her, pat her back and even give her a doggie treat.

Do you know me? You only hear the loud barks.

It's weird that I am comparing myself to a dog. A dog will keep you company, wag her tail, jump, leap at the sight of her master, her friend, will risk her life to protect her best friend.

>>>

Can you see me? Do you know me? I am a loving wife, a caring mother, a dentist by profession and an aspiring visual artist. What if all these roles are taken away, stripped away, and I am taken apart...? What if I am exposed, dismantled, then who would I be? The answer is,, I am a simple soul.

The word soul is derived from the word "saiwala", or that belonging to the sea. Saiwa means sea. It was believed that souls originated in and will return to the sea.

I am a soul, an entity or spiritual being inside my physical being, the only authentic part of my self, the real me. So, can you see me? Do you know the real me? I am seen thru my simple paintings and read through my blogs, where I am devoid of pretensions, without the eccentricities... bare, naked... where my truth is revealed... I have named my soul, betsisanders.

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May I quote... "there's a constant level of closeness that I really need from the person that I love.. it just destroys me not to be able to count on that affection when I need it..." ... taken from the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. The author was writing about her husband whom she recently divorced. She said that he was "always disappearing in the room, the bed, even from the planet".

In all relationships, between husbands and wives, siblings, parents and children, even among friends... there is this degree of expectation. A constant need for love to be reciprocated and it hurts when this love is not returned. They say... love begets love, kindness begets kindness. When one gives affection, it is expected that this affection be returned, if not, the relationship suffers and eventually ends.

When one receives a greeting, one is expected to reply. If one says hello, then the other one says hi. If you receive a text message, you are expected to be polite enough to acknowledge receipt of the SMS. If you get an email, you are somehow expected to email back. If you get a present on your birthday, or receive a birthday card, you are expected to at least say thank you. If you are given free medical services by your physician, you send him gifts at Christmas. If your dentist gives your son free orthodontic treatment, won't your dentist expect a simple thank you from you? That isn't too much to ask ... but somehow, the free orthodontic treatment was terminated!.... reason, does not want to abuse? but haven't you used her kindness by accepting the treatment in the first place? it simply meant,,,, thanks but no thanks!!! ... unappreciative, ungrateful....

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"Nokia...connects people..." the age of technology, where friends and family are better 'connected', thru text, email, voice mail even thru the web cam. But how often do you say hello to your parents, your aunts and uncles, your sisters or brothers, or your friends? ..and there is always the old system of snail mail.

Technology tries to make it easier for people to c0nnect, but why is it that people just seem to be so distant, disconnected, not interested or simply just ABSENT from each others' lives.

Years , not just months have passed. ... and soon, you'll realize that it is too late. The friendship has ended. The affection taken for granted. The love has waned, become less intense, has gradually reached a point when it is totally inexistent. ..or the person has passed on...

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FACEBOOK.... the latest, most popular networking site. Its aim is ' to connect ' people, to find old friends, to reestablish long lost relationships & friendships... a forum for discussions on anything,,, life, love even politics.. but it is, for me, a medium to express and tell the entire WWW (world wide web) about one's self... it is I, ME, MYSELF... and for those curious individuals, or a better term would be, appreciative individuals... who like to see, learn and know you better... this is the best networking site so far.

So, if you are reading this... then you are just like me... you ask the same questions as I do...Can you see me? Do you know me?

...............

Life is short, but life goes on and on... can you see me?
Live, love and always be happy. .... betsisanders 09

... it starts with a thought... betsisanders 09

Two paintings.

Title..."it starts with a thought"
Media: Watercolor on Paper & Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 8 x 10 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

Everything starts with a thought, an idea, a concept, a meditative reflection, a recollection, a memory... these are the results of the process of thinking.

The woman is deep in thought, all the time. She has found a way of redirecting her thoughts, through painting and writing. Creative individuals, painters, writers, poets, musicians, dancers... ( Van Gogh, Tchaikovsky, Churchill, Hemingway).... experienced mood disorders... and so does this woman! She may never be great or famous, or loved as much... but her paintings are proof, illustrations or manifestations of her deepest and most serious thoughts, done during her pensive,melancholic and creative moods.

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Boyet went to Singapore early September and as usual, he brought me a box of orchids. . . . it started with the orchids, I placed them on a vase, then later on, made some of them into a bouquet, which Alvin offered to Mama Mary on her birthday. Some orchids were left on the vase. The deep purple flowers began to wilt and fall off their stems. Then there was this last one, that I thought of capturing ... immortalize on paper.

Flowers ... these delicate, beautiful, sometimes fragrant flowers, provide inspiration to artists, playwrights, poets, painters, even mystics. They may lack utilitarian purpose, but they become most valuable to the recipient of these wonderful, most precious creation of nature.

"The Buddha gave a silent sermon, where he once held up a flower and steadily looked at it. After a long while, a monk called Mahakasyapa, began to smile and was said to be the only one who understood the silent sermon. They say that this became the origin of Zen, as passed on by several masters."

St. Therese, the little flower, sends you a white rose when your wishes are granted.

God must have loved us all very dearly for He created the most beautiful, most romantic thing on earth. As long as flowers continue to bloom, and emit their sweet fragrance, these lovely flowers will continue to brighten our days and chase the blues away.

That woman is staring blankly at the flower, seemingly unaffected, quietly admiring its beauty, absorbing the peace and tranquility that the flower represents, thanking her God for all the blessings she has received, hoping for more blessings to come, wishing only happiness for her husband, son, Dad, sisters and their families, truthful friends... and for herself.

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Aging is good. Those senior moments that we most of the time refer to are good. For us, golden ladies, who experience an awakening in our lives, who reinvent ourselves, who transform our old selves into better individuals, or those who simply just try to fulfill their childhood dreams... if we don't do it now, when else? People ask why...and we say, why not? We do not need a reason to do something, we just have to do it, say it, write it, paint it... what can those unappreciative, user friendly, ungrateful, highly critical people do to us? Nothing!

What matters is that we have done it. Dr Seuss says, "Those who mind what you say or do, don't matter. Those who matter, don't mind."

>>>
Have a great weekend. We did... spent a magical day at the happiest place on earth where all dreams come true. !!!


September 09 / betsisanders

Look Up by betsisanders

Title: Look Up
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 8 x 10 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

"UP", Disney-Pixar's latest animation film. The film had such rave reviews that I just had to watch it with Alvin. It was Ateneo High School's exam week, but that didn't stop us from seeing the film.

The film is about friendship, love, marriage, life and death. It is also about pursuing one's dreams, taking risks, being adventurous, living, loving, sharing, reaching out... all of life's lessons that we needed to learn, relearn, and be reminded of.

One's life is more meaningful when shared with friends and family... those who love us back, are appreciative of our accomplishments, who push us up when we are down, are truthful, honest, sincere, grateful, fun-loving, smart, never selfish, always kind. These are the ones that help us fulfill our dreams. They are the ones that love us unconditionally.

>>>>>>>>

Loss... death of a loved one, my greatest fear... Early on in my life,(1979) my dear friend, Bobbet (brother of Aimee) died from complications of meningo-encephalitis. I wept.... visited his grave daily. After school, I would pass by Loyola Memorial Park and sit there, staring, weeping... I was sad and angry. I questioned God.... asked Him why... reached a point when there were no more tears, and there no more prayers.

Millet, a classmate and dear friend in Dentistry, died from colon cancer in 1983. I came face to face with death again.... my best friends' deaths left me scarred, scared and angry.... :(

In 1987, I gave birth to my first child, my daughter, Marie Angelica... she spent her first two months of life at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at the Heart Center. She had a congenital heart defect (Pulmonary Valve Atresia), lived for a year and nine months, and became an angel too soon. Eleven years later, (2000) my Nanay died from complications of diabetes and septicemia due to gangrenous legs.

Again and again, I asked why... I didn't find any answers ... until now. I realized that in the worst moments, in the saddest moments, when one is unable to do anything, when one's tears have ran out...the answer was up there. All I had to do was keep still and look up to Him. The first few lines of the Our Father was my answer... "Our Father, in heaven, Holy be Your Name...your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven...." .... that was the answer. He is the answer.

>>>>>>>>

Loss... marriages fail, friendships end... how do you deal with this? Forgiveness is the answer. "Forgiveness is giving up the right to hurt you because you hurt me. When we forgive someone, we send them away and release them into the hands of God, the only judge. In doing so, we are choosing to no longer be the person's judge. We commit every hurt to the Father. We place every dart and arrow that strikes in the care of our Savior. The one who hurt us didn't hurt us, but our God. All sins are against God. If I forgive, then I am canceling the debt that God has already cancelled. I am taking sides and agreeing with God. jesus paid all debts in full. Forgive and let God take care of the rest." (taken from Forgiveness, by Malcolm Smith)


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Life is an adventure. Let go of people or things that weigh you down. These could be people who use you, take advantage of your kindness, are ungrateful. Let them go and free yourself from the heaviness of their lives. Let go of the past, it cannot be undone. Let go of material things, or wanting and needing more and more. These things do not make one happier. Let go of negative emotions, sadness, anger, envy, pity.

If you free yourself, you will be able to pursue your dreams, work towards your goals, become productive, and attain happiness. A happy person has more to share and more to give.

Life does not end after a loss of a loved one. One becomes a stronger person after one has survived these losses. Life goes on. No matter how difficult our challenges are, we will do everything and anything to survive these difficult times. In the end, we become better versions of our self. We will excel when we live our dreams.

>>>>>>>>

Tomorrow is the birthday of Mama Mary. Look up, let go and let God!!!

betsisanders / Sept. 7, 2009