Scarlet Macaw, a painting by betsisanders

Title:  Scarlet Macaw

Size: 8 x 10 inches

Medium:  Acrylic

Artist:  betsisanders 2013

Iyanla says, “Sometimes keeping things inside makes them seem worse than they are. A wound needs air in order to heal. There comes a time when it becomes necessary to open ourselves up for review and examination by talking about our pain. It's not easy. We don't want to face the pain, fear, anger, shame, or guilt attached to our deepest thoughts and feelings. Yet when what is going on inside hinders what we are able to do, we must talk about it.”

The painting below was done three years ago.

Title: My Colorful Pet Parrot 
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Medium: Acrylic 
Artist: betsisanders 2010 

The following link will lead you to the blog.

http://betsisanders.blogspot.com/2010/04/if-you-cant-iimprove-silence-be-quiet.html

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/ betsisanders 2013

"How can one hate people who have ceased to exist? Love those who love you back!"

Title:  My painting is back where it belongs ...

Size:  9 x 11 inches

Medium:  Acrylic

Artist:  betsisanders 2013

Another painting that's back where it belongs!

Lessons learned ... 

...don't trust too much.

... don't give everything.

... leave some for yourself.

Quote:  "Love doesn't lie or cheat, selfish people do."

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"How can one hate people who have ceased to exist?

Love those who love you back!"

/  betsisanders 2013

a gathering of old friends ... again

Our dentistry class got together for a balikbayan classmate, KO,

who is based in LA.   

That's him on the far left, with his beautiful wife, Annette and his lovely girls.

Dr. Alan and wife Binbot, two of my good friends, on the far right of the photo.

Dr. Elvie and me, we giggled all night.

Binbot and  Doc Alan.. loving couple!

Dr. R, rather Dean R, and his Danish friend Dean Beau.

... with a friend Dr. Anna, my classmate since Grade 5 

til dental school . and the beautiful Dr. Elvie.

Thanks ladies, you made this evening endurable, bearable and fun for me. 

Otherwise, I would never have stopped interrogating

the new GF of our 'still&always-a-bachelor' classmate. 

Oh my dear ...  

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that's him, second from the left, Dr. Ed and his new lady / girlfriend.

that's KO (Dr. Alex), Dr. Anna, Annette & Dr. Rhea 

Dr. Jacqui at the far left, the forever energetic,  keenly alert,

busy bee mom, wife, dentist and business woman!

Nice to see you all again. 

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http://chicsanders22.blogspot.com/2013/07/banana-leaf-promenade-greenhills-july.html

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/ betsisanders 2013

Flowers by betsisanders

Title:  Flowers

Size: 8 x 10 inches

Medium:  Acrylic

Artist:  betsisanders 2013

"My mind is a garden. I choose to cultivate it as I please."  (Anonymous)

I will plant happy thoughts and feelings, nurture them til I am able to harvest beautiful things, like these flowers. I will not allow anyone, specially those who paint that dark picture of me, to control me.  Shall I forgive??? ...  Remember that forgiveness isn't about the ones who hurt me.  If others tell me this ... "forgve and forget, Betsy!" I say, "you think it is easy? why not work  on your own issues?  I have better things to do and will work on myself. My thoughts and feelings shall be transformed into simple art work."

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/  betsisanders 2013

Paint a picture...

How do I paint a picture?

I use 6B pencils, watercolor, acrylic or oil paint, even pastels.

Title: Kois in Pond

Size:  12 x 16 inches

Medium: Acrylic

Artist:  betsisanders 2006

This painting is home, where it is safe, 

truly appreciated and will be cared for.

More lessons learned.

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How do they paint a picture?

This was posted  in FB this morning by someone who 

was called a "crazy evil whore" by her Narc. 

Narc means narcissistic partner/relative/friend.

I just paint pictures,  real ones

and NOT A DARK PICTURE.
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{ If you are throwing around the idea that you are the narc, that's probably a good indication you are not.  Most  victims and empaths question it. In fact, I think it's the question I've been asking the most. Narcs do not reflect. I definitely am not a narc. }

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/ betsisanders 2013

Feelings, I have lots and that's who I am!

My painting is back where it belongs!

Lesson learned.

/ betsisanders 2013

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Iyanla Vanzant says … “Your feelings are always valid. The challenge we all face is to understand what we are feeling and to de-charge or neutralize it, thereby making it possible to express the feeling at the highest level possible for everyone involved. We must each learn to get beneath the feeling and root out the cause in order to bring our mental, emotional, and spiritual energies back into balance.”

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Flowers, painting by betsisanders

Title:  Flowers
Size:  5 x 7 inches
Medium:  Acrylic
Artist:  betsisanders 2013

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"I think the hardest thing is not necessarily letting them go, 

it's letting go of the fact that they took so much."

(Quote from Pinterest)

/ betsisanders 2013

... "get past the hurt you feel" ... by: Iyanla Vanzant

Iyanla says …

“Something that we often forget is that we all play a role in the creation of the pain we experience, even if someone else is involved. Here's a four-step plan that can help you stop nurturing the very things that hurt you.” 

The author and relationship expert reveals four ways you can begin to get past the hurt you feel.

Something that we often forget is that we all play a role in the creation of the pain we experience, even if someone else is involved. We don't recognize that we volunteer for that pain. We show up for it. We tolerate it. Once we acknowledge our own contribution, the healing can begin. Here's a four-step plan that can help you stop nurturing the very things that hurt you.

1. End the BPs 

One of the ways that people avoid taking responsibility for their role in their own pain is what I call the BPs—blame and projection. Blame is straightforward: Somebody hurts us, and we say things like, "They did this to me. Look what they did!" Projection is slightly different and happens when we blame other people for our problems, even if they didn't do anything to us (in other words, we just don't want to look at what we did). 

As long as we're blaming and projecting, we don't become accountable to ourselves for how we accommodate, excuse and tolerate behavior that causes pain—whether it's our own behavior or someone else's. Let's say you stay on a job for 15 years, miserable and complaining. Then you get fired and you're upset. But you didn't want to be there! How many times did you say "I gotta get out of here"? 

Well now you're out! Why are you upset with your boss? Because she moved first? You accommodated the discomfort. You went every day. The work wasn't challenging you. But you kept on showing up. How is your boss or company supposed to know you're unhappy? What steps had you taken to either remedy the situation or get another job?

2. Understand Your Whats and Whys 

One way to understand your own role is to review what happened: why we did what we did, and what we got as a result. Say you have a friend and you always show up to help her, but when you need her, she never shows up for you. So you end up being angry with your friend. 

That's the exact time to do some self-reflection. Did your friend ask for the help you offered? Or did you volunteer? There is a difference—but if the friend did ask for assistance, why did you say yes? What is it that you desired, expected or wanted to get out of the situation? To feel needed or useful? To get her to feel as if she owed you something? Maybe you were afraid she wouldn't love you anymore if you said no. In any of these cases, you extended yourself for you, not her. 

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Iyanla-Vanzant-Cause-of-Your-Pain-Oprahs-Lifeclass#ixzz2Xn7xhkAO

3. Plan for the Noes 

So many of us don't ask for what we want. To go back to the example of a friend who doesn't help, maybe you never asked for favors but only hoped she'd offer to do what you clearly needed (as you've done for her). Most of us put up with or ignore or excuse whatever it is that shows up. 

I experienced this in my own marriage. It was a 40-year-long relationship, and I didn't ask for what I wanted. I accepted what I thought my husband was capable of giving me. I avoided what I thought would upset him. I allowed myself to believe that his needs were more important than mine. That doesn't make him a bad person, and it doesn't make me an idiot. It just means that I needed to learn how to ask. 

But to do that, you've got to be willing to hear "no." Just because you ask for what you want doesn't mean that you're going to get it. Take money. Sometimes people will ask for it, and then, when they don't get it, they add on another level of pain because the no feels like rejection to them. They may even wonder if they're not smart or good or cared for enough to deserve the money. They're not ready for the possibility of a negative response, so they stop, paralyzed. But if you are prepared for it, you'll know what your next steps are going to be, and you'll get busy taking those steps instead of getting hurt. 

4. Learn the Uncle Boo-Boo Lesson 

The way you ask for what you want or need is also crucial. Say you have an uncle, and whenever the family gets together, he gives you a long, unsolicited and unnecessary critique about how you look and what you do. You don't go up to him and say, "Uncle Boo-Boo, I wish you wouldn't make fun of my hair and job at the dinner table." 

No! Wishes may or not be granted. First you ask for what you want, and then you inform Uncle Boo-Boo of a specific, clear consequence. You say to him: "I'm no longer giving you permission to speak to me in that manner. And if it continues to happen, I will no longer be a part of these gatherings, and I'm going to let everyone else in the family know why." 

People often engage in behavior that causes pain because there's no consequence. You have to create that consequence; otherwise, the asking is just wind in the air. But I want you to remember: You're creating a boundary—not a wall that isolates you, just a boundary, one that can be communicated with compassion. So when I get ready to speak to Uncle Boo-Boo, I'm not going to yell at him in front of the whole table. I'm going to say, "Uncle Boo-Boo, can I speak to you for a moment?" Then I'm going to take him on the porch, in the hall or in the living room where there's no one else and discuss my need, because this is between him and me. If I am feeling pain, I'm no longer going to permit, facilitate or deny it. I'm going to own it and deal with it, and then, no matter what he says in response, I can begin to heal. This is a natural process. Over time, you'll have more awareness. You learn to accept more of who people are, and, most importantly, you learn to accept more of who you are. 

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Iyanla-Vanzant-Cause-of-Your-Pain-Oprahs-Lifeclass#ixzz2Xn82XzzV

 http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Iyanla-Vanzant-Cause-of-Your-Pain-Oprahs-Lifeclass/2#ixzz2Xn8AjLRb