I will begin again tomorrow.

I didn't turn my back and failed to walk away yesterday. I lost control. I forgot to count to a hundred, a thousand.  I was angry.  Vile words came out of my mouth. Blurting out invective language like a dragon spewing out fire.  It felt good at first.  I tried to justify my actions by saying that I needed to express my anger verbally to the person who betrayed my trust. A moment of anger destroyed many hours, days, and months of patience. 

We were in court yesterday.  That was the distraction.  My mind was extremely agitated.  Negative emotions surged. My somewhat peaceful existence was disturbed and interrupted.  I was perturbed and anxious. 

I failed to be happy yesterday, so I started again today.  Today is the Feast of St. Therese.  What should I have done today? I should have at least visited her shrine. I did pray my daily 24 Glory Be's novena to The Little Flower but I needed to pray harder.  I wished, hoped and wanted to be inside a bubble with only the few people I love and love me back.

I needed to paint, read, write or just be still for a little while longer. I need to cry. I have to pray.  I should focus on my goals.  Keep in mind my purpose.  Try to get back on track.  Strive to achieve peace and happiness.

I slipped and fell literally and figuratively.  I didn't break any bones when I lost my balance and dropped on our living room's marble floor at the height of the heavy rains and thunderstorm, but I broke my heart which hurt so much more.

I failed yesterday. I prayed today.  Life is too short and too precious. Never postpone happiness.  I will begin again tomorrow. 

betsisanders / October 1, 2014