betsisanders: June 2015

Monday, June 22, 2015

Death leaves a gaping hole in my heart that seems to never heal.

It’s been eight months since my Dad died.

I checked my newsfeed in FB yesterday and I saw the immense outpouring of HFD greetings. I just couldn’t help feeling so isolated. When I saw the photo of my Dad on my sister’s timeline, I couldn’t even comment or click “like”. I said to myself that it’s just one day and it’s going to be okay. What troubles or bothers me today, won’t really matter tomorrow, the day after, a year later or ten years from now. Sigh … deep breaths again.

Since I wasn’t able to visit my Dad in June last year or when he had a heart attack in August, nor was I able to be with him during his last few days and I even missed his wake because I forgot my old passport which had my US visa, thereby, missed my flight, I promised myself that I wouldn’t be flying anywhere. For how long? I really do not know.

Time heals all wounds, as they say. Oh yeah, maybe it does but this type of wound leaves a scar that keeps on reminding me of the hurt and the loss.

It’s my Nanay’s 15th death anniversary at the end of this month and I still remember vividly the day she died.

"Death leaves a gaping hole in my heart which seems to never heal."

--- betsisanders, June 22, 2015

Monday, June 15, 2015

Just sharing my thoughts and blogs...

As I was reading again at midnight, I came across this article written by Anita Kelly PHD, "Who falls for dishonest people? Not who you'd expect."

Dr. Kelly said , "... it has been observed in many cultures that individuals high on this “super trait” (Honesty-Humility) are sincere, modest, fair-minded and non greedy. She wrote that these people do not exploit others. Those on the low end of the trait are dishonest, haughty, arrogant, lack empathy and exploit others. In other words, they are narcissists.

Dr. Anita Kelly wrote: Narcissists … spend so much time on their image. They know how to dress, walk, and talk in ways to literally charm the pants off others. She further added that the honest person may be especially vulnerable to the charms of a narcissist. She said, “… honest people tend to see others … as more honest than they actually are and by the same token, narcissists tend to see others as more dishonest than they are. Honest people may give narcissists the benefit of the doubt when exploitation begins.” “At some point, the honest person discovers that the narcissist is a liar and a cheater.”

I’m probably the most candid, frank and straight-forward person you've met. I’ve fallen prey from many narcissistic friends. I’ve turned my back on them. They are so not worth my time, sincerity and generosity. They have taken some of my savings, enjoyed free dental consults, even treatment, and free food. (papakain ko na nga lang sa anak ko, ibibigay ko pa sa kanila… ganyan ako katanga!) The last one who took a lot, settled with my husband last December after he sued her in court for estafa. He didn’t let this narcissist, the one who took advantage of my trust , get away this time.

A friend told me this afternoon that I should have gone to the reunion last week. She referred to me as the offended person. My offenders (her groupmates... haha) were at the reunion, seemingly appearing to be jubilant and victorious. Thanks dear for your concern. But I really do not care what other people think. I'd rather stay home with the boys, read, write, paint or blog. In the end, I can only depend on family and a few honest friends, those who've known me since 5th grade, those who believe in me, those who do not expect anything to gain from our friendship, those who would stand by me.