I am a highly sensitive person.

HSP … that means Highly Sensitive Person.  (I hope this isn’t  the first time you’ve come across this acronym and I also hope you know what an acronym is.)

I am a highly sensitive person. I have been called highly emotional, intense, a cry-baby. I’ve been described as having a lot of feelings.  I’ve been labeled as emphatic and empathic --- which btw are two different words with totally different meanings.   Emphatic means forceful, assertive, and insistent.  Empathic or empathetic is humane, compassionate, understanding and sympathetic.

You still don’t get it, do you?

Highly sensitive people tend to “over-feel” everything, including the surroundings. I picked up a scent as I walked out of Cinema 6 in Eastwood yesterday, (after watching Ant-Man). I asked my son if he could smell the air freshener or some kind of fragrance, which I thought was coming from the cologne or perfume of the person in front of me.  The scent was  masked by the odors coming from the fast food stalls.  Son had to close his eyes and it took him a while to discern, recognize and identify the sweet smelling fragrance that I had perceived earlier.  Being sensitive runs in our family. My sister, the medical doctor, could smell the tea that I brewed in her kitchen on the ground floor, while she is in her bedroom on the second floor.

I am irritated by loud people. I despise the noise coming from the neighbors’ helpers early morning banter, or those that come from their television set and radio. I am bothered by repetitive chirping of birds on our window sill or the constant hammering coming from the construction site across the street.  I am annoyed by the smell of someone else’s cooking. I am irked by someone, anyone, and anybody who just walked by or is sitting three tables away. This could be quite exhausting for me. So I find myself walking away, turning around, or putting on earplugs, to avoid  these annoying stimuli. 

One comment, one word could trigger a rush of emotions from anger to sadness and back. I cannot help but react, fight back, talk back and express how I have been offended or upset. I have to make some  adjustments to shield myself, lest I be misunderstood and judged. If sensitive people, like me, modify our behavior and try to adapt, then those tough, thick skinned others must also try to accommodate us by keeping sarcastic comments to themselves.

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Yesterday morning, (after I joyfully shared the photo of my son wearing his white uniform with some friends) I got upset with a colleague’s assessment of his patient’s chief complaint, pain.  His evaluation of the chief complaint as psychogenic in nature is not just ignorant, unintelligent, dimwitted, but plain stupid.  Hubby and I have this private joke about physicians, nurses, therapists. I can now add dentist to this list. These professionals would often say that stress is the cause of the illness when they cannot come up with an intelligent diagnosis of a patient’s medical-dental symptoms/complaints/ illness/pain. 

Pain is real. Otherwise, there won’t be a multi-billion dollar industry for pain relievers, non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, anti-epileptic drugs and anti-depressants that are now prescribed to patients who suffer from PAIN.   

The word was defensive. That was what my dental colleague/classmate wrote and here I am writing, typing away (for hours) to release the anger, to de-stress and to clear my thoughts.   I said to him, “I’d rather be defensive of all (those who suffer from pain, who are offended and hurt) rather than be offensive like ---!”  

I’ve thought up some ways to deal with highly sensitive persons:

1.  Try to resist having an argument with them, whether it is about politics, religion or just about anything under the sun.

2.  Try to understand them if they take things, most things, all things, personally. You don’t have to tell them or call their attention, they already know.

3.  Try to sympathize if they need space, quiet time, “me” time. It isn’t about you. They just need to breathe, time away from the influx of stimuli that bombard and destroy their sense of peace.

4.  Try to show concern or just let them be when they suddenly seem to pause or stop to think, or when they seem to have lost attention. Just keep quiet for a while. Don’t ask what they’re thinking of. Don’t try to make some small talk, which will actually be senseless to them. They are deep thinkers. You wouldn’t want to look like some idiot to them.

5.  When you do talk to them, don’t talk loud. They hate attention seekers or what is known as KSA’s (kulang sa attention).  They do not want other people to look at them, much more stare at them because of your uncouth, childish, somewhat stupid behavior.

6.  HSP’s love art. They don’t just appreciate art, they make it. They can spend hours painting, a most solitary activity.  Art isn’t for showing off. It heals.

7.  Although, HSP’s love solitary activities like reading, writing, painting, watching movies or 'telenovelas', they do need some companionship once in a while. They love being with their true friends for a buffet lunch, a cup of coffee, a slice of cake, or a couple of drinks, just to catch up on each other’s lives.

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I am lucky to have married a man who totally understands me, allows me to be “me”, never judgmental, never antagonizes or contradicts my decisions. If he doesn’t agree, he tells me gently and softly. He is very supportive and loves me most.  I have an equally great son, who is more like his Dad.  I can be highly sensitive with these two wonderful individuals in my life.

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May I quote a favorite author. 

“Just for today

I will allow my movement 

To be shaped by my heart

I will not explain or defend

I will not apologize or seek to be understood

Just for today

I will walk softly, speak little, offer what I can

Just for today

I will let being what I am

Be enough”