Closed Door, an acrylic painting by betsisanders 2017

Title:  Closed Door

Size:  8 x 11 inches

Medium:  Acrylic on Canvas

Artist:  betsianders 2017

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" Only these precious smiles are important to me.

Nothing else matters." (betsisanders 2017)

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We were in Palawan last week.  This trip has been planned

early last year and this is our fourth time in Palawan.  

Last time was  January 2015 in El Nido.

It's because of this trip that I missed attending our 

high school class reunion over the weekend. 

It irks me to hear that someone would say that

 I intentionally chose this date to go on a vacation 

with my family just so I wouldn't attend that reunion.

No dearie ... you are soooo wrong!

Travel dates are dependent on factors like

low season / promo fares and  birthdays or anniversaries.

But if you still think that I chose these dates on purpose,

then so be it!!!  I'd rather be with those people who love 

me most than spend an afternoon with people I hardly

know or those I have chosen to walk away from.

***

Paulo Coelho wrote:

"Close some doors

Not because of pride, incapacity

or arrogance, 

but simply because 

they no longer lead somewhere."

And may I quote myself...

I've been hurt many times.

Cut the cords.

I turned my back, walked away,

closed doors, bolted them and 

kept them shut.

I've mellowed down.

Not feisty nor fierce anymore.

That's what I tell friends, those

ones I have chosen to stay.

I value my peace of mind.

I love myself more.

I respect me.

I will close my door again...

quietly... (I hope...)

But I have this urge to slam it first.

Sigh ...  they just aren't worth my time

and my love.

I will keep them in my heart

.... not in my life.

(written on November 2015)

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Flowers for my Dad and Nanay

All Saints’ Day is four days away.  It’s a religious holiday where our dearly departed are remembered; their tombs or crypts are cleaned and visited by family and friends; where we all pay our respect by offering flowers, candles and prayers.

I remember my Dad coming home with boxes of fresh imported orchids and  my Nanay  buying the biggest candles, every year.   We drive for four (or more) long hours to bring these flowers and candles  to Inang’s grave, located at the barrio’s local cemetery. Our ‘offerings’ are placed on top of two huge white  sepulchers (which are in the midst of numerous small tombstones).  Hmmm… I always had negative feelings or thoughts  about this yearly ‘practice’.  I would much rather pray in church than show off those ‘offerings’.  When my sisters and I became older,  we found excuses not to go to the province.  Dad somehow had a ‘change of heart’ and would just send the flowers and candles through aunts or cousins who were going home to Inang.

Flowers are for the living… for those who can see and appreciate these beautiful flowers; for those who can smell the delicate fragrance of these beautiful blooms; and for those who can touch the soft fragile petals of these blossoms.

When Dad died a few years ago, I wasn’t able to go to him.  I failed to bring him flowers and light candles for him.  Instead, I made several flower paintings and placed these  in his bedroom, beside his solo picture.  I have placed my parents’ last beautiful picture together on top of the bookcase, where some of my flower paintings are displayed.

I don’t buy fresh flowers… I make flower paintings and offer them to my Dad, my Nanay and my little angel, Marie Angelica.  I’ll try to light a candle for all of you. Oh… I also offered some masses celebrated by young Jesuits and novices.

Love and prayers… betsisanders