can you see me? do you know me?

Title: Can you see me? Do you know me?
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 8 x 10 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

I once got an email that had about fifty questions, the purpose of which was to learn more about me, who I am, what I am, who I like , what I like , what I do, what I think or feel, etc.....

There was this question... "Do you use sarcasm?" My answer, "Yes, I do and I use sarcasm a lot!" I further added that "I like it when I see the facial expressions of people when they react to my taunting, ironic and caustic remarks. It is sort of like a game for me, a practical joke." But most people, specially those who do not know me, get 'turned off', irritated or even angry at me.

" I bark... and I bark lot! I don't bite!" I speak my mind, am brutally frank, blunt, straight forward." My criticisms are often taken as offensive, never constructive. It's probably my tone of voice, or how my eyes get bigger when I express my opinions. I remember a teacher in high school who was annoyed at me, because of how I looked at her, or how my eyes seemed to just pierce right through her, and the word she used was "IRAP"... umiirap daw ako!!!

I once asked a classmate in dentistry to describe me in one word. He said, "Friend". If I am described by this person as a friend, then why do some people hate me?

I am often called "Mother" by the girls I used to hang out with... and just recently, a travel mate also said I was motherly. Another friend in FB said that since grade school, she had always known that I had a nurturing soul, if there was such a term.

Then, why did I have a falling out of sorts with some old friends. Those friends who have lost the R (respect) and have turned into fiends. It is because I have stopped loving them. I have stopped being their friend. I have realized that I was only useful to them... so, I stopped loving them.

>>>

Would you approach a dog that barks loudly at you? Would you stroke his fur if his barking never stops? You wouldn't. You would turn away and walk away. But if you knew the dog, even if it barks all day, you would smile at her, pat her back and even give her a doggie treat.

Do you know me? You only hear the loud barks.

It's weird that I am comparing myself to a dog. A dog will keep you company, wag her tail, jump, leap at the sight of her master, her friend, will risk her life to protect her best friend.

>>>

Can you see me? Do you know me? I am a loving wife, a caring mother, a dentist by profession and an aspiring visual artist. What if all these roles are taken away, stripped away, and I am taken apart...? What if I am exposed, dismantled, then who would I be? The answer is,, I am a simple soul.

The word soul is derived from the word "saiwala", or that belonging to the sea. Saiwa means sea. It was believed that souls originated in and will return to the sea.

I am a soul, an entity or spiritual being inside my physical being, the only authentic part of my self, the real me. So, can you see me? Do you know the real me? I am seen thru my simple paintings and read through my blogs, where I am devoid of pretensions, without the eccentricities... bare, naked... where my truth is revealed... I have named my soul, betsisanders.

>>>

May I quote... "there's a constant level of closeness that I really need from the person that I love.. it just destroys me not to be able to count on that affection when I need it..." ... taken from the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. The author was writing about her husband whom she recently divorced. She said that he was "always disappearing in the room, the bed, even from the planet".

In all relationships, between husbands and wives, siblings, parents and children, even among friends... there is this degree of expectation. A constant need for love to be reciprocated and it hurts when this love is not returned. They say... love begets love, kindness begets kindness. When one gives affection, it is expected that this affection be returned, if not, the relationship suffers and eventually ends.

When one receives a greeting, one is expected to reply. If one says hello, then the other one says hi. If you receive a text message, you are expected to be polite enough to acknowledge receipt of the SMS. If you get an email, you are somehow expected to email back. If you get a present on your birthday, or receive a birthday card, you are expected to at least say thank you. If you are given free medical services by your physician, you send him gifts at Christmas. If your dentist gives your son free orthodontic treatment, won't your dentist expect a simple thank you from you? That isn't too much to ask ... but somehow, the free orthodontic treatment was terminated!.... reason, does not want to abuse? but haven't you used her kindness by accepting the treatment in the first place? it simply meant,,,, thanks but no thanks!!! ... unappreciative, ungrateful....

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"Nokia...connects people..." the age of technology, where friends and family are better 'connected', thru text, email, voice mail even thru the web cam. But how often do you say hello to your parents, your aunts and uncles, your sisters or brothers, or your friends? ..and there is always the old system of snail mail.

Technology tries to make it easier for people to c0nnect, but why is it that people just seem to be so distant, disconnected, not interested or simply just ABSENT from each others' lives.

Years , not just months have passed. ... and soon, you'll realize that it is too late. The friendship has ended. The affection taken for granted. The love has waned, become less intense, has gradually reached a point when it is totally inexistent. ..or the person has passed on...

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FACEBOOK.... the latest, most popular networking site. Its aim is ' to connect ' people, to find old friends, to reestablish long lost relationships & friendships... a forum for discussions on anything,,, life, love even politics.. but it is, for me, a medium to express and tell the entire WWW (world wide web) about one's self... it is I, ME, MYSELF... and for those curious individuals, or a better term would be, appreciative individuals... who like to see, learn and know you better... this is the best networking site so far.

So, if you are reading this... then you are just like me... you ask the same questions as I do...Can you see me? Do you know me?

...............

Life is short, but life goes on and on... can you see me?
Live, love and always be happy. .... betsisanders 09

... it starts with a thought... betsisanders 09

Two paintings.

Title..."it starts with a thought"
Media: Watercolor on Paper & Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 8 x 10 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

Everything starts with a thought, an idea, a concept, a meditative reflection, a recollection, a memory... these are the results of the process of thinking.

The woman is deep in thought, all the time. She has found a way of redirecting her thoughts, through painting and writing. Creative individuals, painters, writers, poets, musicians, dancers... ( Van Gogh, Tchaikovsky, Churchill, Hemingway).... experienced mood disorders... and so does this woman! She may never be great or famous, or loved as much... but her paintings are proof, illustrations or manifestations of her deepest and most serious thoughts, done during her pensive,melancholic and creative moods.

>>>

Boyet went to Singapore early September and as usual, he brought me a box of orchids. . . . it started with the orchids, I placed them on a vase, then later on, made some of them into a bouquet, which Alvin offered to Mama Mary on her birthday. Some orchids were left on the vase. The deep purple flowers began to wilt and fall off their stems. Then there was this last one, that I thought of capturing ... immortalize on paper.

Flowers ... these delicate, beautiful, sometimes fragrant flowers, provide inspiration to artists, playwrights, poets, painters, even mystics. They may lack utilitarian purpose, but they become most valuable to the recipient of these wonderful, most precious creation of nature.

"The Buddha gave a silent sermon, where he once held up a flower and steadily looked at it. After a long while, a monk called Mahakasyapa, began to smile and was said to be the only one who understood the silent sermon. They say that this became the origin of Zen, as passed on by several masters."

St. Therese, the little flower, sends you a white rose when your wishes are granted.

God must have loved us all very dearly for He created the most beautiful, most romantic thing on earth. As long as flowers continue to bloom, and emit their sweet fragrance, these lovely flowers will continue to brighten our days and chase the blues away.

That woman is staring blankly at the flower, seemingly unaffected, quietly admiring its beauty, absorbing the peace and tranquility that the flower represents, thanking her God for all the blessings she has received, hoping for more blessings to come, wishing only happiness for her husband, son, Dad, sisters and their families, truthful friends... and for herself.

>>>

Aging is good. Those senior moments that we most of the time refer to are good. For us, golden ladies, who experience an awakening in our lives, who reinvent ourselves, who transform our old selves into better individuals, or those who simply just try to fulfill their childhood dreams... if we don't do it now, when else? People ask why...and we say, why not? We do not need a reason to do something, we just have to do it, say it, write it, paint it... what can those unappreciative, user friendly, ungrateful, highly critical people do to us? Nothing!

What matters is that we have done it. Dr Seuss says, "Those who mind what you say or do, don't matter. Those who matter, don't mind."

>>>
Have a great weekend. We did... spent a magical day at the happiest place on earth where all dreams come true. !!!


September 09 / betsisanders

Look Up by betsisanders

Title: Look Up
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 8 x 10 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

"UP", Disney-Pixar's latest animation film. The film had such rave reviews that I just had to watch it with Alvin. It was Ateneo High School's exam week, but that didn't stop us from seeing the film.

The film is about friendship, love, marriage, life and death. It is also about pursuing one's dreams, taking risks, being adventurous, living, loving, sharing, reaching out... all of life's lessons that we needed to learn, relearn, and be reminded of.

One's life is more meaningful when shared with friends and family... those who love us back, are appreciative of our accomplishments, who push us up when we are down, are truthful, honest, sincere, grateful, fun-loving, smart, never selfish, always kind. These are the ones that help us fulfill our dreams. They are the ones that love us unconditionally.

>>>>>>>>

Loss... death of a loved one, my greatest fear... Early on in my life,(1979) my dear friend, Bobbet (brother of Aimee) died from complications of meningo-encephalitis. I wept.... visited his grave daily. After school, I would pass by Loyola Memorial Park and sit there, staring, weeping... I was sad and angry. I questioned God.... asked Him why... reached a point when there were no more tears, and there no more prayers.

Millet, a classmate and dear friend in Dentistry, died from colon cancer in 1983. I came face to face with death again.... my best friends' deaths left me scarred, scared and angry.... :(

In 1987, I gave birth to my first child, my daughter, Marie Angelica... she spent her first two months of life at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at the Heart Center. She had a congenital heart defect (Pulmonary Valve Atresia), lived for a year and nine months, and became an angel too soon. Eleven years later, (2000) my Nanay died from complications of diabetes and septicemia due to gangrenous legs.

Again and again, I asked why... I didn't find any answers ... until now. I realized that in the worst moments, in the saddest moments, when one is unable to do anything, when one's tears have ran out...the answer was up there. All I had to do was keep still and look up to Him. The first few lines of the Our Father was my answer... "Our Father, in heaven, Holy be Your Name...your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven...." .... that was the answer. He is the answer.

>>>>>>>>

Loss... marriages fail, friendships end... how do you deal with this? Forgiveness is the answer. "Forgiveness is giving up the right to hurt you because you hurt me. When we forgive someone, we send them away and release them into the hands of God, the only judge. In doing so, we are choosing to no longer be the person's judge. We commit every hurt to the Father. We place every dart and arrow that strikes in the care of our Savior. The one who hurt us didn't hurt us, but our God. All sins are against God. If I forgive, then I am canceling the debt that God has already cancelled. I am taking sides and agreeing with God. jesus paid all debts in full. Forgive and let God take care of the rest." (taken from Forgiveness, by Malcolm Smith)


>>>>>>>>

Life is an adventure. Let go of people or things that weigh you down. These could be people who use you, take advantage of your kindness, are ungrateful. Let them go and free yourself from the heaviness of their lives. Let go of the past, it cannot be undone. Let go of material things, or wanting and needing more and more. These things do not make one happier. Let go of negative emotions, sadness, anger, envy, pity.

If you free yourself, you will be able to pursue your dreams, work towards your goals, become productive, and attain happiness. A happy person has more to share and more to give.

Life does not end after a loss of a loved one. One becomes a stronger person after one has survived these losses. Life goes on. No matter how difficult our challenges are, we will do everything and anything to survive these difficult times. In the end, we become better versions of our self. We will excel when we live our dreams.

>>>>>>>>

Tomorrow is the birthday of Mama Mary. Look up, let go and let God!!!

betsisanders / Sept. 7, 2009

The Other Woman

Title: The Other Woman
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 9 x 12 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

This is another version of my painting of a Woman. The original painting was done in oil.

The other woman is just as happy, content and grateful. She loves life and only wishes to pursue happiness for herself and for her loved ones. She desires to be a delight, a source of joy and pleasure, and inspiration, to those around her. If she fails today, she will try again tomorrow. She will make the right choices. It is never too late to make the right choice. Her life begins again and again.

Gentleness, modesty, delicacy, even weakness are just some of the characteristics that describe a woman, Strong, forceful, bold, tough... words that describe the man. However, the woman can be stronger, even bolder than the man.
WOMAN POWER!!!

Delight

Title: Delight
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 9 x 12 inches
Artist: betsisanders

Delight ... something that gives great joy or pleasure.

To a child, that ice cream cone will give him great joy and pleasure. On a hot summer day, that same ice cream is a welcome treat to both young and old.To a diabetic, this delightful, pleasurable, rich, sweet and creamy frozen food is 'poison'.

Life is all about choices.

The woman in the painting is making a choice, to indulge and savor the delicious, delicate and pleasing sweet taste of the ice cream ... or chew on a carrot. She may not be a diabetic, but is probably conscious of her weight and wishes to maintain a slim figure... or she simply chooses to eat healthy.

Every single day, hour, minute or second... we all make choices. In the morning, we choose which bath soap or body wash to use, which toothpaste to brush our teeth with, which perfume or cologne to put on, which pair of jeans or shirt to wear, which color-coordinated designer bag and shoes to use... and these choices are made on the first hour of one's day.

Then one goes for breakfast and chooses to have a ham sandwich. I remember my friend, who had this 'funny' unforgettable experience, the first time she ordered a ham sandwich in the States. The waitress asked her what kind of ham she wanted, smoked ham, honey cured ham, American ham.... then, she was asked what kind of bread she wanted, wheat, whole wheat, rye, ... then, she was asked if she wanted everything on it... tomatoes, lettuce, mayo.... :) my friend had always been used to having sweet ham on white bread with nothing in it while in the Philippines. She was further asked if she wanted eggs for breakfast, so she said yes. You probably know what happened next... boiled, scrambled, sunny side, poached... ha ha ha. This actually happened to my friend. Many versions of this story has been passed on through email... maybe because it happened to a lot Pinoys.

Choices... everything in life is about choices. What we are today is the result of the choices we made years ago. Our career choice, for example, would determine success or failure in our chosen field. I chose Dentistry because my mother wanted me to become a doctor. She specifically instilled in my mind that I cannot be called just a Ms. or a Mrs., but a Dr. ... and Dentistry was the fastest way to become a doctor, six years compared to eight years in Medicine. My mother actually asked me if wanted to go to Med Proper after I graduated from Dentistry! :( I always wanted to take Fine Arts but my mother used to say that artists do not earn much.
I'm a golden girl now, a semi-retired dentist, and an aspiring visual artist. It is never too late to make the right choice.

Choose to give rather than always be at the receiving end. Choose to show gratitude and express it through acts of kindness. Choose to be truthful and not fabricate lies or make up stories. Choose to be humble and kind. Choose silence than boisterousness and not attract attention specially in public. Choose to act one's age and not act as if one is still in kindergarten, running around or pushing classmates. Choose to be generous with praise and never say bad things about one's in laws, no matter how badly they treat you. Choose to say 'thank you' to your dentist who gives you free ortho treatment, rather than terminate her free services. Choose to say I'm sorry, and mean it, rather than say I'm not ready.

Choose to walk away from those who hurt you. Choose to shut the door, and be with your thoughts, rather than, tell people how much you hurt. Choose to cry in the confines of your bedroom, rather than burden your friends with your insecurities, sadness, anger or hatred. Choose life and love. Choose happiness. Choose to be a 'delight' to others, to be a source of joy and pleasure for others... all the time.


betsisanders 09 / August 12, 2009

Gratitude

Title: Gratitude
Size: 9 x 12 inches
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Artist: betsisanders 09

"To whom much is given, much is asked in return." This is how we must live our lives. To give in return for all the blessings that one has received. It isn't enough to just say 'thank you', but to express one's gratitude thru reciprocal acts of kindness. Words are not enough, one's gratefulness must be shown in acts.

We should always be grateful for everything that one has received. One must never grieve for what one does not have, but to be joyful for what one has. One should always see the good in everything. One should always be happy not just for one's self, but for others as well.

An ungrateful person, no matter how much he possesses, will never be truly happy. She will always ask for something, want something more, or need something else. There is no end to her desires, needs and wants. She is never content, always wanting, needing, expecting more and more. Always at the receiving end and never giving in return. She will never be happy.

The key to happiness is gratitude. I always say that the happiest person, is the most grateful of all. Be thankful for every little thing, for a beautiful sunrise, for a magnificent sunset, for the rain, for a sunny day... be thankful because you have a loving husband and an obedient son; be thankful for sisters who make you feel loved and important; be thankful for parents who made sure you had a good education and provided for all your material needs; be thankful for in-laws who accepted you as part of their family; be thankful for nieces and nephews who became your 'bundles of joy' when they were little; be thankful for every single friend that has been truthful and appreciative of your generosity; be thankful for the beauty that is around you, for the birds that chirp, or the simple lotus flowers on the pond; be thankful for everything that God has given.

The Buddha says, "Let us rise up and be thankful for if we didn't learn a lot today,at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die, so let us all be thankful."

>>>

I finished this painting today, August 5, 2009, a very memorable day for all Filipinos. Today, the Filipino's icon of democracy was laid to rest. The entire nation mourns for the loss of this woman. The Filipino is grateful to this woman who restored democracy and freedom in the country that was ruled by a dictator for more than two decades. The Filipino is proud to be a Filipino because of this woman. Today, I share the sentiments of all Fiipinos, a grateful nation, a proud people, the happiest people.

>>>
Two words... thank you... if this is our only prayer, then this is enough.
Live, love and always say 'thank you'. A grateful person is a happy person.

betsisanders 09 / August 5, 2009

choices

Title: Choices

Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 4 x 4 feet

Life is all about choices. . . . and the choices that we make at the present determine our future.




What choices have I made ?
1. To love myself more... Put me on top of my list of priorities. If self sacrifice leads to unhappiness and robs me of the joy, the peace and the calm that I have tried to achieve, then , I'll choose to walk away , protect myself from self centered, self absorbed, unhappy, ungrateful and unappreciative persons in my life...HAPPINESS is my first choice.

2. Husband,son, .... sisters and their families, Dad,,,, are next in my list of priorities. I only wish them health and success in whatever they do in their lives.

3. Gratitude.... I choose to express my gratitude to people who love me back. Friends who patiently read my blogs, are people who are worthy of being my friend, because they are interested in my life, in what I do, what I have to say, what I think, what I have become and how I have reinvented myself, in order to become a better version of the old betot, now called , betsisanders.

4. Forgiveness... forgive those who have hurt me... and by giving up the right to retaliate, get even, or think monstrous thoughts of assassinating them , is enough for me to 'move on' with my life. I have sent them to God , who is the ultimate judge.... I always say, it takes two to fight and two to make things right. Ganoon lang ka simple... but who will make the first move? oh well.... that's a choice that I have to make sometime in the future, and if time runs out, then , so be it...

[Look at what a person does during her spare time and you will know what that person is worth? who is more worthy ??? one who creates art, writes, bakes, cooks, and spends time with nice girls......or one who just spends the time away, gossiping? spending long hours on the phone talking about other people's lives or goes around their neighborhood in search of the latest scoops and gossips, or one who brags about material things that she has acquired which she never worked for, but only inherited...:( one who brags about her possessions, properties and acquisitons....]

[when you enter the gates of heaven... God asks you... what have you done for others? what have you shared with those friends and people in need of assistance? what have you given up? have you shared your time, your knowledge, your dental expertise, your cakes, pastas with your closest of friends? have you given FREE art lessons, and fed your students free merienda after each art lesson? have you thrown a party in honor of a best friend or a balikbayan, where you personally cooked and baked and cleaned your house, just so, your balikbayan friend is welcomed? have you paid your friends car's amortization for 6 months, and never asked anything in return when she got the car back? have you given a luncheon just because your best friend's children had voice recitals? have you catered for the wake of your best friends' dead father and stayed until midnight to welcome their guests, while your bff had gone home to bed? have you given free orthodontic treatment, worked so hard even when your entire back became stiff and painful that you had to take more painkillers, just so, you can lie in bed and fall asleep for a few hours? have you ????... well...i have.... i did... and where are the recipients of my generosity? no where around... and i am the bad guy... the one they blame for having a strong personallity. for coming in too strongly... for being honest and straightforward. my peronality used against me. all the good things that i have done for them,they have forgotten and blamed me for everything... sometimes, i jokingly say... "okay na... pati sa kamatayan ni jose rizal, ako na rin ang may kasalanan. matigil na lang yan!"]

so what choice did i make??? I walked away,,, turned my back.. closed my door, kept them shut and kept them that way...


5. Choice # 5.... surround yourself with beautiful, smart, fun- loving, genuine, aprreciative persons who love you back.

6. Choose to purchase theatre tickets,movie tickets, or things that need not be carried. Choose to have fun memories of parties. Choose to have stuff that will be stored in your memory banks and not in your closets to gather dust.


7. Choose to thank those people who have been good to you, who have helped you , who have been part of your life and have remained to be your dearest friends who love you back.

8. Choose to remember only happy thoughts. Your son's first steps, first words, first everything. You husband's monthly gifts of orchids and chocolates. Your husbands 'loud laughter' and funny antics. Your husband's many needed hugs. Your husband's kindness, caring and patience.

9. Choose to spend some time for QUIET time.... praying, painting, reading or writing.

10. Lastly,,, choose life , love and happiness always.... but don't forget to eat and be merry... or dance the night away.


LIVE LOVE & PARTY... betsisanders 09