you don't have to read this...

Title: Flowers

Medium: Acrylic on Canvas

Size: 5 x 7 inches

Artist: betsisanders


YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ THIS!

But I have to write this. Journals used to be called diaries, which were kept in camphor chests, hidden, locked in. ... but not anymore.

Singers need to sing, dancers swing, painters paint and writers blog.

We don't just 'blog' about our lives or we will run out of material. There are all sorts of bloggers, picture bloggers, food bloggers, travel bloggers, art bloggers.... name it, we are everywhere.

Journaling or blogging is an outlet, an expression of one's personality or art, a way to release emotions. Why do we do it? Most of us don't get paid for it, but we still do it and do it often.

In today's technology, we can track down our readers, our followers. We can even track the number of times our blogs are viewed. ... and this is quite gratifying. Some of those who have viewed my blogs have even written personal emails and say they appreciate what I do. Some say they get amused and I put a smile on their faces =] some laugh, LOL...

So my dear friends, readers, followers, Thank you for your expressions of appreciation, your support, your kind words... you really didn't have to read this blog, but you did.

I always say that if one person appreciates what I do, then it is enough. If no one appreciates, I know there is One Who does, and that is more than enough.

HAPPY EASTER !!!

TODAY'S BLOG..... entiendes? entiendo!

I understand why our relationship has been severely damaged.

I understand the irreparable damage.

I understand the pain that you have caused me.

I even understand the lies you've told about me.

I understand why you blame me... or why you did it.

I understand why you didn't love me back.
I understand that my kindness wasn't enough,
..you didn't need a friend, you needed and wanted more than I can give.
I understand your greed.
You grabbed my whole arm when I offered a helping hand.
I understand your selfishness, self love , is it?

I do understand... but that doesn't mean I accept.

The hurt, the bad memories still remain. it just takes a small nudge and it resurfaces again.

If I die before you do, it is freedom... my liberation from understanding you. It is difficult to always be walking on eggshells , to always be understanding.

Entiendes? Entiendo!

......................

I love flowers. I love painting flowers. I also love receiving flowers.
Give me flowers when I can still touch and smell them; when my eyes can still see and appreciate their beautiful colors. Do not send flowers when I die. Send them now, when I am well and able to thank you.

{Dear readers, I do not write solely based on my life. I write what others feel, yet fail to express.}

/ blog written on April 14, 2011 / My little angel would have turned 24 today.
/ blog published today April 24, 2011....Happy Easter everyone!!!

love, love lots, truly love.... betsisanders 2011

death & impermanence

Title: Ｄeath & Impermanence
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Medium: Acrylic on Museum Wrapped Canvas
Artist: betsisandeers 2010

"Death is certain and it cannot be prevented. Our lives cannot increase, but keep on decreasing. As we get older, we are one step closer to death. Death will definitely come, even if you practice the dharma."

These were the first statements of Kadampa Budhist Nun Gen Keiang Yangdak at the Buddhist seminar last weekend (Oct 1-3). That was too much to handle, first thing in the morning, on a rainy Saturday, when I usually am in deep slumber.

Simply Meditate ... is a series of meditation classes and Buddhist teachings given by Kadampa Buddhist Nun Gen Kelsang Yangdak, Resident Teacher at Compassion Buddhist Meditation Society in Johor Bahru, Malaysia. Classes were held at The ISIP Centre, Rockwell, Makati City.

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I always write about death, talk about death, think about death, cry about death, even 'breathe' about death . I'd say I already have a 'master's degree' on death. Death will come and no one escapes death. Death , death, death ....

I remember being asked by my husband, what I'd do if I knew this was my last day? I was quick to answer that I'd be doing whatever it is that I am doing right now. I'd probably be painting, reading, writing, cleaning, cooking, reciting my morning novenas and praying the rosary at night. I would be with the two most important persons in my life.

Our teacher said that at the time of death, we cannot bring our wealth with us. We leave our loved ones behind and that only the practice of dharma can help us.

What is dharma practice? Dharma means one's righteous duty, it can be equivalent simply to religion. Therefore, dharma practice is simply spiritual practice.

“Dharma practice isn't just coming to the temple; it's not simply readharma,ding a Buddhist scripture or chanting the Buddha's name. Practice is how we live our lives, how we live with our family, how we work together with our colleagues, how we relate to the other people in the country and on the planet.” It is loving all sentient beings.

Difficult to do, but not impossible. We can start with loving our selves first, then our immediate families, our friends, our acquaintances. Then, from there, we shall love others, even those difficult to love. If you fail today, try again tomorrow.

Love, love lots, truly love / betsisanders 2010

Beautiful Wings

Title: Beautiful Wings
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Medium: Acrylic
Artist: betsisanders 2010

Butterflies never know how beautiful their wings are. It is only through the eyes, our eyes, other people's eyes, that their wings are seen and appreciated.

Remember the song, "Vincent"? The song was for Vincent Van Gogh. "Now I understand, what you're trying to say to me. How you suffered for your sanity and how you tried to set them free. They are not listening , they are not listening still. Perhaps they never will." The lyrics are a call for help, a desperate call from people who suffer quietly from overwhelming sadness, frustration and depression. It is a loud cry to make life easy. It is a demand for people to not just listen but for people to love them.

If only Vincent had seen his beautiful wings ...

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Basic human need... to be loved, needed and accepted.

I am so lucky to have loving people around me. I am fortunate to have friends and family who fill the holes in my heart. Each day is another opportunity to do well, another occasion to celebrate life, and another moment to be happy.

Love, love lots, truly love / betsisanders 2010

Peaceful Pond

Title: Peaceful Pond
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Artist: betsisanders 2010

"in spite of all our problems and confusion, all our emotional and psychological ups and downs, there is something basically good about our existence as human beings. We start with the basic goodness of being alive. We can cure ourselves of depression if we recognize that the world we have and live in ... is good."

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Here are some of the teachings written by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, author of "How to Solve Our Human Problems".

*Avoid places that disturb your mind, and remain where your virtues increase.

*Avoid friends who cause you to increase your delusions (ignorance, desire, anger, jealousy, pride & doubt). Avoid conceited, proud and arrogant minds, and remain peaceful and subdued.

*Since there is never a time when worldly activities come to an end,then, limit your activities.

*Always watch your mind.

*Practice contentment.

*Words of praise and fame serve only to beguile us, so, blow them away.

*Do not be attached to anything.

*Have no hatred for enemies and no attachment for friends.

*Do not look for faults in others, but look for faults in your self.

*Do not contemplate on your own good qualities, but contemplate the good qualities of others.

*Keep a smiling face and a loving mind.

*Speak in moderation and only when necessary.

*Stop activities that are not spiritual.

*Since you cannot tame the minds of others until you have tamed your own, begin by taming your mind now.

*Practice giving.

*Be free from anger.

*Offending a holy being is worse than dying.

***Since happiness , pleasure and friends you gather in this life last only for a moment, put them all behind you. Since future lives last for a very long time, gather up riches to provide for the future.

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Peaceful pond... just an ideal place where one can be still and quiet.

One can learn to be at peace in the midst of traffic during rush hour or in a fast food place filled with hungry people during lunch hour. Any place, anywhere, any time is good. One can learn to be quiet and be at peace even in the middle of all the chaos and the "busy-ness" of life.

Keep still, Focus on your breathe. Silence your mind. If a thought comes, follow it and watch it go away. One easy way to free your mind of thoughts is think of your next thought. This way, your mind will be free of any thought.

Learn to appreciate the goodness in your surroundings, the goodness in the people around you, and the goodness that is in all of us.

Love, love lots. truly love =] betsisanders 2010

The Cook

Title: The Cook (based on Darrin Hoover's Chef's Special painting)
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Artist: betsisanders 2010

Atisha, a great bodhisattva in India, helped to spread Buddhism to Tibet in the 11th century. When he went to Tibet, he took his Indian cook with him. This cook was very disagreeable, speaking harshly and being rude and obnoxious to people. He even regularly insulted Atisha. The Tibetans asked, "Why did you bring this person with you? We can cook for you. You don't need him!" But Atisha said, "I do need him. I need him to practice patience."

So when someone criticizes me I think, "He is an incarnation of Atisha's cook."

When people with whom we don't get along point out our faults to us, we have to look at them. We can't run away anymore. When we're outrageously angry, burning with jealousy or attachment is eating away at us, we can't deny that we have these negative emotions. Of course, we try to say that it's the other person's fault, that we have these horrible emotions only because they made us have them.

But after we've listened to the Buddha's teachings, this rationale doesn't work any more. We know in our hearts that our happiness and suffering come from our own mind. Then, even though we try to blame our difficulties on other people, we know we can't. We are forced to look at them ourselves. And when we do, we also see that they are incredible opportunities to grow and learn.

This is taken from "Buddhism In Modern Society"
by: Venerable Thubten Chodron

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There are so many 'cooks' in my life. They are those ungrateful, unappreciative, user- friendly frenemies that have created holes in my heart. This Buddhist teaching tells me to learn from these individuals. Patience is what they 'll teach me. Instead of getting angry, irritated or lose sleep thinking about them, I shall ignore, walk away like the 'duck', and be with people who are appreciative, thoughtful and loving,

Growing up in a Catholic school, we were taught to "love our enemies". I could never understand, grasp or accept this teaching because it was very difficult to do. It was like a command, an order, that was very hard to follow.

But with the way it is explained by the Buddhist teachers, it seemed easier to apply in my life. They give a more positive approach and that is to be tolerant of others, understand and learn from these 'cooks' and thereby learn patience.

We were also told that when one thinks of doing bad things to other people, one already commits a sin. The mere thought was considered sinful. In Buddhist teachings, these are just monstrous thoughts. These monstrous thoughts are just regarded as thinking. These thoughts, whether monstrous or benevolent are just thoughts. They are neither virtuous nor sinful, just thoughts. No thought deserves a gold medal or a reprimand. One can think of assassinating an enemy or baking a cake. these are just thoughts.

As I always find myself thinking all the time, I get tired and emotional. So, to silence my mind, I paint, read, write, cook, or bake, go on the treadmill, watch a movie or listen to dance music, or I simply sit in silence or better still, I pray.

Love, love lots and truly love. / betsisanders 2010

Sneak Peek into My Life's Abstractions

Title: My Life's Abstractions
Medium: Mixed Media / Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 39 x 39 inches
Artist: betsisanders 2010

What is life's abstractions? It is whatever you think it is. It is whatever I feel at this moment, and that can change any time. It is freedom of expression. It is your freedom of interpretation. They can represent anything that comes to your mind at this time. It is anything, something or simply nothing.

It is what I want you to see...only those that I want to show. I may be criticized, misunderstood, judged. It doesn't matter.

Life is what I make it. Life is what I do with it. Life can be beautiful when I create. Life can be a drag if one destroys. As much as possible, I do not wish to hurt or tear down anyone.

I have no control of what you think or what you feel. If what I say or do displeases you, then, I will choose to walk away from you.

As I have quoted Dan Brown ..'there are those who create and those who tear down'.. I know which one I choose to be. If it isn't good enough for you, it is good enough for me. ... and that is all that matters. In the end, only He matters.

My Life's Abstractions / Part 8

Title: Peace & Freedom
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Part 8 ... of My Life's Abstractions

As Ms. Gilda Cordero-Fernando wrote in the Sunday paper, "Freedom is one of the perks of getting old.I can go anywhere I wish and with whom. Or not show up. I can dress any way I want, avoid funerals or golden anniversaries. I can join a safari (if I can walk), or enroll for a doctorate, or learn how to put on make up and false eyelashes, or learn to cut hair or disappear into the maw of an ashram.I can be as silly as I want, or wear bling-blings, or be as glittery as Lady Gaga? I can undergo liposuction, tummy tuck or go through what they call a plastic overhaul."

I can do whatever I want. At my age, who cares if I sleep til noon, or if I watch DVD's until dawn? Who cares if I cook and bake for days? Who cares where I go or how I spend? ..or if I all I do is type away on my computer, blog, or just surf the web. That's freedom.

The lady writer also said that "Freedom also recognizes other people's feelings." I say, "...most specially my feelings. If it doesn't feel right , or feel good, I'll walk away, stay away."

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Title: Two 'Ducks'
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas

There will always be 'two ducks' in all of my paintings.

After two ducks get into a fight, which doesn't last long, they separate and go off in opposite directions. Then each duck flaps its wings vigorously o release the surplus and pent up energy or anger built up during the fight. After which, they flap their wings and fly away on opposite directions. They fly on peacefully, as if nothing happened.

I am one of those ducks who chose to walk away, fly away as far away as I could... to live in peace, to love only those who love me back and to try to be happy most of the time, if not, all the time.

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"I know I haven't stopped growing up. I still have a lot of questions. I seek answers. I face more obtacles and will learn from these. It will never be enough. Once I stop asking, learning, doing and being, and when there is no more room for life's lessons, then it'll be my sweet ending.”