Title: My World
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Part 7 of 8 ... of My Life's Abstractions
Walking on Eggshells by Jane Isay
I've read this book and please allow me to quote directly from it. I will rewrite what Ms Jane had written, add my own personal information and experiences, blend my life with those of people she had written about. I would have wanted to write this on my own but I am not a good writer like Ms. Jane. What she has written explains to me how and why things happen and happened in my life. It will make me understand why and how to live with a sibling, a child, a parent, a relative or even a friend, who suffers from a psychiatric or psychological problem. It will help me cope with this difficult life when I am 'walking on eggshells'.
How do I create, preserve or restore the unique treasure that is family love when there was none to begin with? How do I sustain, maintain and keep relationships with my friends, partners, lovers, when the love has waned, the trust is gone, and the friendship is over?
I have one father, one mother, two sisters. They are all that I once had. I value them and love them. ... and I do expect to be valued and loved in return. How do I create, restore, or preserve that family love when one has chosen to live a continent away, ...away not just from me but from our entire family.
In this age of technology, where people are reconnected... long lost classmates from grade school, schoolmates from college, even neighbors have been 'found' through networking sites like Facebook, Multiply, Blogspot or even for the 'not for smart people' Twitter.
All my life, my parents have always told me to understand my sister Victoria, to give her more attention, to extend my patience and never to snap at her, because she is 'special'... one who is emotionally challenged.
Is there really such a thing as a happy family? Those who claim to belong to a happy family all work and think together about how to make things right. But any family who makes you think it is perfect is covering up the truth. Don't we all wish to belong to a perfect happy family, those wonderful parents with perfect grown up children, no conflicts, no problems. I have come to realize that they only show you what they want you to see... and that someone in that family is working doubly hard to make a good impression. I am referring to the family I grew up with, not the family I made.
Fights and reconciliations. Pain and joy are the stuff of human life. Expectations not met, feelings hurt, serious mistakes by everyone... that is what real life is made of. What needs to be done is how to stay connected through the hard times; how to maintain the balance between closeness and distance that works for all of us... and to make sure that the bonds don't break. Easy to say but quite difficult to do.
Conflict in any relationship is scary. It takes a tremendous amount of confidence to lay your cards on the table. Most people don't have the courage to fight, because they are afraid of permanently damaging relationships. They use other means to deal with differences. They choose and take the alternate route.
Distance is her friend. She has put up walls, huge heavy brick walls to keep us away from her life, to keep us from getting too close and by doing so, years have passed, many many years. She seldom writes or calls. She sends e-cards or roses... that's it. That's about it. .. and that is all that will ever be. Physical distance can sometimes help maintain harmony where conflicts exist. The geographical distance has enabled her to be herself. But how long can I put up with this kind of relationship? Love will wane and I will drift away and never come back. I will choose to walk away and never return.
Old fights, new issues...they have kept people apart emotionally. Perhaps we are both disappointed in one another. We are too demanding, and our disappointment shows, or, our old quirks still rub them the wrong way.
There are holes in my heart created by failed relationships. However, there are others who patiently and lovingly fill up these holes in my heart and she is my other sister Maria. I also have many friends and relatives who make up for the shortcomings of my frenemies and sister Victoria.
Elizabeth David said, “There are people who take the heart out of you, and there are people who put it back.”
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I am not the only one walking on eggshells here. We all do. But what we should do is try to keep the peace and never give up on those we love. As they say, "Never give up on love." If you still find it very difficult, then just let things be. Time could probably heal and repair all wounds. If not, then so be it. At the end of the day, you can truly say that you did your best. If one person appreciates what you do, then that is enough. If no one appreciates, you know well that He does and that's more than enough.
