i know how it felt

Title: Nude
Size: 5 x 7 inches
Medium: Acrylic on Museum Wrapped Canvas
Artist: betsisanders 2011

Overwhelming sadness...

I know how it felt, I know how it hurt.

I used to wake up in the middle of the night screaming, not remembering the dream. I wake up in the morning and realize that she is gone. I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep, but sleep evades me. I know that she in a better place, that her death is the end of her suffering, a relief. Yet it hurts to know that I will never hug her, ever again.

I cry in the shower so no one will hear me scream, I wait for everyone to sleep so I can fall apart. I hide my pain and pretend that everything is okay. I keep silent even when I feel like screaming. I put a smile on my face and pretend to be fine, but every breath I take is painful. It is not easy to be enveloped with overwhelming sadness.

Nude paintings based on originals. The text has nothing to do with the paintings. . .
... I just remembered and wrote how I felt. It still hurts, but life goes on.

My wishes...

To laugh as often as I can,
To giggle or chuckle
...and not whmper, sob or weep
... and hope to never shed another tear.

To grab every chance on happiness,
To dance to the music that life plays,
To sing or hum along with life's melodies,

To receive all that life gives me,
To accept, even if it could break my heart,
To learn from these heartaches,

To grab every opportunity to make myself a better,
more caring and more loving individual,
To gain and benefit from life's blessings,

To endure the suffering caused by failed relationships,
To bear the pain from the holes in my heart,
To allow others to mend and fill up these holes,
To heal and forgive fast,

To never be angry, hurt or lonely,
To never despair and lose hope,

To love more those beautiful persons who love me back,

To not fear death,
Instead ... to start living,

To want or desire some things,
.... and let the universe help in obtaining all these wishes,

To pray and always be thankful,
To someday be with those loved ones who have gone ahead,
To take my place, my reserved seat, beside my Creator,

To be remembered by you,
To be kept in your heart always,
To know that my purpose and journey
Has brought some meaning in your life.

So dear friend, stay safe
When the time comes that I cannot b e with you,
Keep me in your heart...
.... and remember that every drop of rain
is a teardrop from my heart.

/ betsisanders 2011