"Forgiveness is giving up the right to hurt you because you hurt me. True forgiveness is trusting God to handle the situation."

Iyanla wrote, "Do not allow yesterday's garbage to influence your experience today. Do not allow your fears about tomorrow's garbage steal the goodness that is available to you right now. Right now you have the opportunity to create a fresh start. Release the past! Receive your good now! Trust that when you reach tomorrow, there will be nothing but good waiting for you."

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It’s been almost 14 years since my mother died.  For some reason, I remember her today. As I was busy doing my chores, sketching, making the draft for my painting, just quietly spending the day at home, alone, (since the Son was  in school and the Hubby at the office) … I remember how only a few people came to visit  Nanay while she suffered and slowly died from chronic renal failure and end stage diabetes.

Actually, only three people came to visit her regularly. One was a nosy neighbor who came and ‘prayed - over’  her weekly. Only to find out that the neighbor was actually snooping and telling the other neighbors how my mother was suffering and even said bad things about our family.  That neighbor has left the subdivision, sold her house, moved to the province and is probably dead by now. 

The other two who came to visit was my Auntie, my mother’s older sister and her daughter. My Nanay and Tita Ding were very close to each other.  Too bad that my auntie died three months before Nanay passed away.

When Nanay died, I didn't want to celebrate that Christmas in 2000, but I still put up a blue Christmas tree for my eight year old son.  That year and for the next several years, we went out of the country and spent Christmas out of the house. I vowed to never ever have the traditional lunch on Christmas day at our house, where both sides of my family would hold their yearly reunions. Instead, we celebrated Hubby’s birthday and invited friends, high school classmates, dental colleagues and the Hubby’s relatives. It took me many years, probably ten, before I invited some of my relatives over and only my cousin, Tita Ding's daughter, knew how I felt towards my relatives on both sides of my family. 

For the past five years or so, the three of us have stayed home during the Christmas season. We stopped going out of the country during the holidays, not even out of town.  I send the household help on days-off and the three of us spend Christmas Day and New Year together at home.

I guess time  healed my wounds.  I have allowed some relatives to come and visit me last week.   Another family, my Dad’s sister, her children, grandchildren are coming over this weekend to visit me. I guess they do really want to see ME. 

I was telling my sister about these thoughts, my feelings, my sentiments. She said, “I can never be happy if I hold on to grudges and to do what makes me happy.” I replied that my happiness does not depend on them, that I have forgiven them and have allowed them to visit; that I have helped my cousins financially and even gave a life plan to another Aunt when she died. That is more than forgiveness. She replied by saying that only God forgives.

There is that word again… forgiveness.

"Forgiveness is giving up the right to hurt you because you hurt me. True forgiveness means trusting God to handle the situation."

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These two boys love me and make me laugh.

It's still a happy new year!

Love and Laugh … betsisanders 2014