Nobody owes anyone anything.

Quite recently, a frenemy sent a private message to my husband and may I quote a few lines from her email, “… i hope to reconcile with her, forgetting the past hurts and pains….. i plan to give her a visit in your home... and i hope she can accommodate me, i am hoping for her positive response to my visit. i hope she will consider welcoming me back to your home. Yours in Christ, ….”.  That came as a surprise, a big one at that.  What could have triggered this sudden urge to get in touch? It’s been like twelve or more years since we’ve last seen each other. Oh… I know, there’s a reunion coming up.  That explains it. I would have considered patching things up… why not? I’ve “moved on” (for lack of better words), without them.  But wait ‘til you read her next email and again, I quote, “ …There are always three sides of the story: hers, mine/ours and the truth. I don’t really intend to surprise her coz i know how emotionally she could react. and i don’t know how she will handle the situation with the mere fact that she will see me….. Pareho kaming sinaktan at siniraan … with our classmates and her friends.” Oh dear…

As I was reading another article (as I always do at midnight), I can’t help but react and write about my thoughts again and here is what I wish to say to those who have wronged or hurt me. 

I don’t have to listen to what you have to say. You can apologize. That would be nice... but not necessary. I don’t have to hear the three sides of every story because I know perfectly well one side of it and that’s all that mattered for so many long years. I don’t have to like you and you don’t have to like me either. I don’t think we can ever bring back the past or be chummy with each other ever again. I have forgotten you and I wish you would do that too. I don’t owe you anything. 

Forgiveness is giving up the right to get hurt because you hurt me. I have done that for a very long time. That’s the only way for me to go forward. 

The article I read said that nobody owes anyone friendship and that nobody owes anyone forgiveness. It further said and I quote, “ … if you grovel every day and somebody says, “Nope, don’t forgive you,” that’s fine, too. It doesn’t mean you have to grovel forever, but their refusal to forgive is not an offense against you. You did the wrong thing. So long as they aren’t violating your rights or looking to harm you or people you care about in retaliation, they are allowed to despise you and it doesn’t make your apology any less necessary.” The way Ijeoma Oluo wrote it is much more subtle, not offensive at all. Thank you for your words of wisdom Madam Ijeoma.

This is what I have to say … Moving on is something that has a lot of interpretations or meanings. It does not simply mean forgetting or erasing an unfortunate event, unfavorable situation or unpleasant people in one’s life. Moving on will never delete what happened in the past. What it means is one goes beyond, surpasses or rises above the disappointment, the sadness, the anger or the injustice.  Inner peace is when you do not allow unfortunate events, unfavorable situations and unpleasant people to control your emotions. (betsisanders 2014)

Nobody owes anyone anything.

***

I didn't want to "ride the bandwagon" and join those millions who posted blow by blow accounts of His Holiness Pope Francis' visit because I kept on crying every time I see His Holiness; or  proclaim my faith and claim to be holier than what I really am, ... 

 but this is what I have to say, 

"I owe everything only to Him who loves me.

It's between me and my Creator. 

I will make peace with Him.

I have lifted it all up to Him, to judge us all."

I hope to get some shut eye.

Good night.

Wish me luck.

It's just me, typing away on my computer.