A Toast to the Bride

Title: AToast to the Bride
Medium: Acryic on Canvas
Size: 8 x11 inches
Artist; betsisanders 09

It is every woman's dream to walk the aisle and become the prettiest bride. In February 1982, a day after Valentine's Day, I received three red long-stemmed roses. The unsigned card said, "Life is a flower of which love is the honey and I am the bee." The flowers came from a classmate, whom I married four years later.

I am a woman, who has lived and loved; who is in a transition from being an adult and becoming an elderly person. who reinvented and created a better version of herself. The painting draws out all emotions.. Emotion in itself is not unhappiness. Emotion plus an unhappy story is unhappiness. I've dropped the sad stories of my life, avoided anything, any one & everything that made me unhappy or angry. Everyday,I say, I'm happy, I'm pretty, I'm lovable and loved. I spend time with friends who are generous with praise and appreciation; those who are honest, truthful, who tell no lies, who truly care, are grateful and never demanding; those who have stayed on, kept in touch, always thoughtful, those who see the goodness in me;...and those who matter don't mind what I say or do, because those who mind, don't matter.

The WOMAN,,is calm, quiet, mysterious. She is grateful for all the blessings, lives a comfortable life, never needing nor wanting anything material, because material things never made her truly happy.The woman is loved by a handsome, loving ,caring and wonderful man. She is respected and loved by her son, who is her inspiration and whom she lives for. She hopes to live longer and to love more. She prays never to get angry again, because a moment of anger would destroy many years of patience. The woman has friends and family who love her back, who make her feel needed, wanted and appreciated. That woman is betsisanders.

betsisanders 09 / Dec 28 dawn)

if it's not good enough for you, it is definietly good enough for me!

Title: The Ballerina
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 8 x 11 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

The ballerina is feeling anxious, nervous, excited about her performance. By spending time alone, separate from the other girls,who may be as anxious as and more nervous than she is. These few minutes are probably spent on reviewing and practicing her steps,silently praying that she doesn't make a mistake or is probably, thanking God for the opportunity to express herself through dance, make an identity for herself, show others what she is capable of, reveal an important part of herself, the ballerina, the dancer, the performer, the artist. She may not be the prima ballerina, or the lead performer, or the best among all of the performers, but she is good, good enough. "Never think that you are not good enough. Always do your best. If it's not good enough for others, it is good enough for your Mom." That's what my mother used to say. She said, 'who cares?' quite emphatically. Just do your best!

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Creating art requires patience and waiting. New painters are so impatient. They are anxious to get to the finished painting. One must take time and let time dry each layer of paint before adding the next layers. It is in the stillness, the waiting, the quiet time well spent that creates beautiful art

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Vincent Van Gogh created works of art but was not appreciated by his peers. He probably never dreamed that his art will ever be world renowned. He took his own life because he failed to see how beautiful he was. He is like a butterfy, who never knows how beautiful its wings are. It is only through the eyes, other people's
eyes, that its wings are seen and appreciated.


Starry starry night... a favorite song from way back :}

Starry, starry night. Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills,
Sketch the trees and the daffodils,
Catch the breeze and the winter chills,
In colors on the snowy linen land.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry, starry night.
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue.
Colors changing hue, morning field of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.

For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you.

Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will...


>>>>>

The ballerina,the painter,both artists, even as great as Vincent, should always see their own beauty, their self worth. They are loved, lovable, wanted, needed, protected and accepted. I try to do my best. If it isn't good enough for everyone or any one, it is good enough for me! ;]

(betsisanders 09 / past midnight Dec 17)

Two 'Ducks'

To add a facebox click on the face of someone you want to identify.

Title: Two 'Ducks' :)
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 20 x 24 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09
How should one apologize? First, acknowledge your fault.Then, ask how you can make it right. Say I'm sorry and mean it. If you can't express it in words, send a gift instead. Your message will be understood.

OR act like ducks...

"When two ducks get into a fight, which never lasts long, they will separate and float off in opposite directions. Then each duck will flap its wings vigorously a few times, thus releasing the surplus energy that built up during the fight. After they flap their wings, they float on peacefully, as if nothing happened." (Taken from the Power of Now)

Let us be like ducks... flap our wings and fly in opposite directions to create peace and harmony. Be quiet, be still, be alone... and heal.

it's in the air... betsisanders 09

Title: "it's in the air"
(abstract painting of pine trees)
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
(Museum Wrapped)
Size: 12 x 16 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

Christmas is 'in the air', in the malls, in store window displays, on the radio, and even on the streets... jeepneys playing Christmas songs, street children singing Christmas carols. Christmas is near and real. It's the happiest season of all....ut there are those who get more depressed and lonely during this joyful and festive season. Perhaps, they have just lost a loved one. Or they work abroad and are far from their families.........

This Christmas, think of how you can make a difference in someone else's life. Share what you have, the little that you have, start with your immediate families, relatives and friends, even house helpers, drivers, security guards, the postman, your pool cleaner, the street sweeper, or those who sell balut, taho and fishballs at the corner.By making someone else happy, you can feel happy too. Happy people make other people happy.

So start with yourself. Choose happiness. Happiness is a choice that one makes every single day. Remember that Christmas isn't about you or me. It's His birthday!!! Let's have a happy Christmas!

>>>>

"Life is all about choices. Don't let depression be your choice by default, instead, choose love, life and happiness all the time!" betsisanders 09

solitude by betsisanders 09

Title: Solitude (2 paintings)
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 8 x 11 inches
Artist; betsisanders 09

SOLITUDE / SILENCE

Aquarius ... “Solitude in beautiful surroundings will delight you today. Set aside some time with an extra cup of coffee (or tea) to ponder on the meaning of life. Enjoy your own company today.”

We live busy, chaotic lives, often stressed and need to find a special place, to have a few moments of silence or solitude. It is during these tranquil moments that we realize the existence of a Supreme Being, Who resides in the deep recesses of our selves, in our hearts. Our sadness, loneliness, insecurities, fear, hatred and anger are transformed by this Presence, who frees us from the suffering that we endure.

Find a special place in your home, a small garden perhaps, a corner in your bedroom, a nook in your kitchen or even your bathroom... this can become your place for reflection, meditation or prayer. We need silence and solitude to keep us focused, to give us direction and hope that someday, one day, we will be reunited with our loved ones who have gone ahead of us to our eternal residence, where God awaits all of us, where only joy abounds.

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“I never thought that I would enjoy being alone... I am my own best friend. No one can love me the way I want to be loved. If you've been true, honest and shared the little that you have, it comes around. Life has always been good to me. I have always been blessed, with a comfortable life, a loving, kind and wonderful husband, a good, obedient and cool son, a caring family and a few great friends. What comes around goes around. Life is so much happier when there are no fiends to disturb the calm and joy. ”

Painting, reading and writing are the most solitary activities. It is during these moments, in this stillness that you are able to hear yourself and connect or reach out with the Being inside us. This discovery is not found in seeking remote areas like the beach or the mountains. It is seeing within you, and seeing the world around you with different eyes.

When you keep still, your surroundings do not change. They remain as they are, but what changes is your perception of what is. You see the goodness that is inherent in every person. You see, feel , hear the beauty that is around you. You see the clear blue sky, the tall majestic trees as you drive down the road; you hear the birds that chirp on your window every morning; you hear the rustling sound of the leaves as they are blown away by the wind; you feel the cool breeze in the afternoon; you feel the softness of your pillows , the smooth silky feel of your satin sheets; you smell different aromas --- the coffee that you just brewed, the scent of your husband's cologne, the delicious smell of food you are cooking, or the sweet smell of freshly baked oatmeal bars, or simply delight on the sight of the flowers that are in your garden. You see the goodness that abound around you.

Sometimes, the calm is often disturbed by a phone call, a text message, or the ringing of the doorbell... more often, this tranquility is destroyed by monstrous thoughts. When these thoughts come, get up, do something, create art, bake a cake, clean your toilet, scrub your kitchen floors... do something, anything, to distract the mind. Step back, even for a short while, stop whatever you are doing. Confront your worries head on. Pray, meditate, read, write, paint, or take a walk. Reflect, give thanks for all the blessings you have received. Let go... let God handle the rest.

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"A moment of anger destroys years of patience." (betsisanders 09)

The Truth ... is that I'm turning 50 :[

Title: Truth
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas & Wood
Size: 18 x 24 inches / Museum Wrapped
Artist: betsisanders 09

I'm currently reading "Comfort Food", a novel by Kate Jacobs. Gus, the main character is turning 50. She loved celebrating, just like me, who loves throwing parties. This book had me at 'hello'...(I've always wanted to use that phrase) ;] ;]

Anyway, "some hostesses love parties because they relish being the center of attention. Gus, on the other hand, found her greatest pleasure in creating a party world with a place for everyone and where she believed everyone would be made to feel special." "There was only one birthday that Gus was tired of organizing. Tired of really celebrating at all. Her own..." She was turning 50. "She who never missed a chance to have a party. And that's when she realized she didn't want to do anything about celebrating either...In fact, she had preferred canceling her birthday altogether." :( .... my thoughts too !!!

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It is now Autumn in many parts of the world. Autumn is actually beautiful, any artist would surely love to paint the colorful landscapes--- crimson, burnt sienna, umber, lemon yellow, yellow ochre, tangerine, pink, --- against the ultramarine, phthalo blue purplish sky, a whole palette of colors. The hot summer days have gone and the long cold winter months are just around the corner.

I am in the 'autumn' of my life, like most of my friends, we 've had the best summers and the most wonderful springs. I am so familiar with the past and have been quite accustomed to it, telling and retelling stories of the past that I have known so well. But looking towards winter, the 'not so' near future, gives me a strange scary feeling of the unknown, of the uncertainty, where the only thing certain is death, mine or a loved one. :(

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Now let me ask the following questions... please try and answer them, be honest, be truthful.
1. How much are you worth? and do you share what you own?
2. What are you doing? Do you like what you are doing? Why are you doing it? To whom do you offer what you are doing?
3. Are you happy? Do you make other people happy? Are you a source of happiness, inspiration or delight for others?
4. How is your love life? Is there enough love in your life? Does your husband and son love you? Do your sisters, their families, and special friends love you? Will they cry when you die? Will you be missed by them?
5. Who are you fooling? Are you being truthful? or Do you live in a web of lies, not knowing where the truth ends and the lie begins?

(I actually based these questions in one of the articles I read written by Fr. Orbos. I just added a few more questions of my own.)

Pondering on all these questions and knowing the answers to most of them, I realized that I am ready... prepared to face the winter of my life. I do not own much but I am always sharing the very little that I have. I am semi-retired from my profession, Dentistry, and currently pursuing a different path, something that I have always wanted to do, to paint, create art, immortalize my thoughts and feelings on canvas and paper. I am happy, content and grateful. I am loved by a wonderful, caring, understanding and loving husband. I have an obedient, kind, respectful and lovable son. They are my reasons for living. As for friends, I do have a few. well meaning, truthful, 'fair or foul weather' friends, just a handful and you know who you all are.

Now the last question... "Who am I fooling?" I try to be as open and honest with everyone. I have walked away from people who did not love me back. I stayed away from people who dragged me down, are heavy, ungrateful and unappreciative. If this entails being quiet and spending time only with family and a few friends, then, that's good enough.I'll spend my precious time with truthful, honest, smart, fun loving and happy people. Choose to walk away and turn your back on those who fabricate lies, to gain sympathy and attention.

>>>>>>>

"A truthful person is confident and free. A person full of lies is fearful and trembling deep inside." (Fr. Jerry Orbos, SVD)

>>>>>>>>
It takes two to tango, two to fight and two to make things right.
Choose life, love and happiness always.
Live, love and party...all the time! (betsisanders 09)

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The Rose by betsisanders 09

Title: The Rose
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 8x11 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

THE ROSE

The rose is one of my favorite flowers. It symbolizes love, life, friendship & relationships.

LOVE.... I received three red roses in the summer of 1982. It came with a card where these words were written, “Life is like a flower, of which love is the honey and I am the B...” The card was unsigned but I knew who sent the flowers because I recognized the handwriting. It came from Boyet, my better half and ultimate best friend.

LIFE ... the rose starts as a small bud --- a child; it blooms and opens itself, emits a delicate scent, becomes the most beautiful flower --- a young girl, a lovely lady... this is her moment, her time, her greatest and most beautiful stage; after some time, it wilts, dries up, and each petal begins to fall one by one --- an old woman who is at the end of her journey.

FRIENDSHIPS & RELATIONSHIPS ... all friendships & relationships are never without trials or difficulties, these are like the thorns of the rose. Each thorn is carefully removed by the florist before the rose can be artfully wrapped, then given by a young suitor to a lovely lady, or to someone celebrating her birthday, or one who is recuperating from an illness, ..... Let our mistakes, worries, problems and pain be discarded like the thorns of the rose. Let those trials and suffering become learning experiences. Let them aid us in becoming stronger and better individuals. Let these obstacles become our teachers , that guide us as we go through our journey. These thorns are best removed, discarded, thrown away. Stay away from miserable, unhappy people who pull you down and hurt you.They are like those thorns on the rose. See how much lighter and happier you will become, when the 'thorns' have all been taken away.

“Thorns are potential roses. Roses are thorns that opened up. Every day, let us turn whatever thorns we encounter into roses, so that at the end of the day, at the end of our lives, we will be carrying more roses than thorns. How do we do that? Whenever we accept a thorn, forgive, reach out, open up and surrender it to the Lord --- thus a thorn becomes a rose. Wishing you more roses and less thorns in your life”.... 　（I came across this paragraph as I read the Sunday paper , written by Father Jerry Orbos, SVD.)

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It's my Dad's 80^th birthday today. My sisters, their families and some relatives are celebrating his special day with a surprise party on Sunday. It would be real nice if I could be with them, too :( but since I can't, let me just offer this painting and a few words for my Dad, BENTOL, short for Ben Tolentino.

Thanks Dad for being the 'great provider', not just for your three daughters but for your relatives, friends, even co-workers. You showered all those you love with material things, provided them with all their needs and wants, even spoiled them too much. You may not have been the perfect father, but you did what you can, the best way you knew, to show that you loved us all very dearly. I wish you more birthdays and the best of health always. I'll see you soon Dad. Take care and we love you :)

November 20, 2009 / betsisanders 09.... live love and party :)

"it's not what you do that makes relationships last but what you don't do"

Title: Lotus Flowers (Mother & Child)
Size: 8 x 10 inches
Medium: Watercolor on Paper
Artist: betsisanders 09

"It's not what you do that makes relationships last, but what you don't do."

DON'T EXPECT ... never expect that your kindness will ever be reciprocated; never expect to be loved the way you imagined being loved; too much expectations will only lead to unhappiness.

DON'T SHOUT ... I read somewhere, (forgotten where)... there is this tribe that drives away evil spirits by shouting and yelling. They believe that by doing so, they are able to kill the bad spirits. They never shout or utter hurtful words towards their loved ones. They fear that they will find themselves alone, because they have killed the very core, the being, the spirits of those they love.

DON'T IGNORE ... Every act of kindness, every gift received should never be ignored. Always be generous with praise and appreciation. Blessing are to be grateful for. The happiest person is the most grateful of all.

DON'T DISAPPEAR ... always be available. Elizabeth Gilbert, author of 'Eat Pray Love' wrote, "there's a constant level of closeness that I need from the person I love, and it destroys me not to be able to count on that affection when I need it..." She was referring to her husband whom she divorced because he was "always disappearing in the room, the bed and in the planet." In all relationships, there is a constant need for love to be returned, and the relationship suffers or ends when this need is not met. Love begets love, kindness begets kindness.

DON'T COMPLAIN ... Misery doesn't love company. Your friends can only take so much of your complaints. They too have their own problems. They just don't say much and cry in the confines of their bedrooms or bathrooms. They deal with their pain, both physical and emotional pain. Even husbands and sons who provide a listening ear or shoulders to cry on, will not always be around. They, too, have to sleep. To whom do you complain at midnight? Yes, there is our God, But won't he prefer that we give praise and thanks than always hear our sad stories?

DON'T DEMAND... never demand attention, respect or love. Instead, earn it and it shall be given freely. One need not ask.

DON'T LIE... the greatest sin is theft. When you lie, you rob the person of the truth. Never think that your white lies will never be discovered. Always be truthful and honest. You will be loved more.

"Those who mind what I say or do, don't matter. Those who matter, don't mind."
Live, love and party :) betsisanders 09 / Nov 15, 2009

namaste by betsisanders 09

Title: Namaste
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 8 x 11 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

NAMASTE... is a common spoken greeting or a salutation in South Asia. It is derived from Hindusim & Buddhism, from India to Nepal. It has a multi-religious or else common usage where it simply means the following. I noticed a lot of Thais doing this gesture and saying "namaste"... I thought they were just such a polite race or people.

It means.....
"I bow to you."
"I bow to you that is inherent in you."
"I respect the divinity within you that is also within me."
"The light withing me honors the light within you."
"I salute the God within you."
"I know the Spirit in you and my spirit are one."
"All that is best is Divine in me greets that which is Divine within you."

NAMASTE ... when spoken to another person , is commonly accompanied by a slight bow made with hands pressed together, palms facing each other hands fingers pointed upwards, and in front of the chest. This gesture is called ANNALI MUDRA. This can be performed wordlessly meaning Namaste may not be spoken, and it still carries the same meaning.

In Indian and Nepali culture, the word is spoken at the begnning of a written or verbal communication. However,upon departure, only the hands-folded gesture, is done.

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PRAYER .. is a personal experience and intimate connection with our loving and heavenly Father. There are many ways to pray and Luke says ..."Lord, teach me how to pray.."

The Our Father... my favorite prayer...
"Our Father in heaven, holy be Your Name.." (is a prayer of worship).
" Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven..." (prayer of submission and trust)
"Give us this day our daily bread..." (a prayer request)
"Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us..." (prayer of sublimation, forgiveness and repentace)
"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil..." (prayer of deliverance, a submissive attitude, acting in obedience to God)

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I read a quotation written by the famous author Unknown. " Going to church or reading spiritual books doesn't make you a spiritual person, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.' It's hilarious. I know of some people who go to mass or service every Sunday, feeling very sanctimonious, or holier than othes, yet they disobey the commandments.

Why do I pray? I pray not because I need something, not because I'm in trouble, not because I hurt, not because I'm distressed,miserable or suffering, not because life is hard.

I pray to thank God."If your only prayer is a prayer of thanks, then that will suffice". I start my day with a prayer. I pray the novena to St Therese. BTW, it is her feastday today Oct 1...One Christmas, I made 'novena beads", composed of 24 beads that represent the 24 Glory Be's recited during the novena, novena must be prayed before 11 am, so you are praying with the others who pray the novena to the Little Flower, St. Therese. I gave away these prayer beads as Christmas gifts... St. Therese sends a flower, usually a white rose if your wish is granted.

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How do you pray?

Do you raise your hands up high and move them from side to side, with your eyes closed while shouting 'Praise the Lord'? Or do you walk on your knees in Baclaran Church every Wednesday? Or do you wear orange robes with only your begging bowls and sand under your feet? Or do you face Mecca five times a day on a rug while you pray? Or do you join prayer or bible groups weekly, sometimes daily, and rub elbows with the rich and famous at Forbes Park? Or do you simply help out in your local parish church and need no recognition for your volunteer work? Or do you hear Sunday Mass at the comforts of your bedroom every Sunday morning?

We all pray differently and according to our religions and beliefs.

It is not how we pray, where or why we pray... what is important is that we do and I do too. No one can claim that they are more Christian or holier than me.

" God does not judge me like other people do.He looks at my heart."

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I pray for those people who have hurt me and I pray more for myself... to be able to forgive them, to free myself from the hurt and the pain that I endure... I do not blame them... I blame myself for being too generous , too helpful or too stupid... I pray for myself more ...so I will never encounter these types of people again.... they are like computers,,,, "user friendly".. unappreciatve and ungrateful.

SILENCE.... you say that it is better to keep silent, not to complain, to just let things go,.... easy for you to say that when you have not been sought after by these people, these user friendly people, who used friendship to gain much or become free loaders at one point, or simply to just get what they want from you.

It does not feel good to realize that one was just a useful person, and was never really considered a friend. ... when one had been very truthful, generous, thoughtful, giving ... gave until it hurt, until there was nothing more to give.

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NAMASTE... I have to learn to say this often.. and mean it... because it is the only way to be free of the hurt and totally forgive.... We all pray differently and worship according to our religions and beliefs. . . . namaste .......

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DAWN... sometime in October / betsisanders 09

can you see me? do you know me?

Title: Can you see me? Do you know me?
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 8 x 10 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

I once got an email that had about fifty questions, the purpose of which was to learn more about me, who I am, what I am, who I like , what I like , what I do, what I think or feel, etc.....

There was this question... "Do you use sarcasm?" My answer, "Yes, I do and I use sarcasm a lot!" I further added that "I like it when I see the facial expressions of people when they react to my taunting, ironic and caustic remarks. It is sort of like a game for me, a practical joke." But most people, specially those who do not know me, get 'turned off', irritated or even angry at me.

" I bark... and I bark lot! I don't bite!" I speak my mind, am brutally frank, blunt, straight forward." My criticisms are often taken as offensive, never constructive. It's probably my tone of voice, or how my eyes get bigger when I express my opinions. I remember a teacher in high school who was annoyed at me, because of how I looked at her, or how my eyes seemed to just pierce right through her, and the word she used was "IRAP"... umiirap daw ako!!!

I once asked a classmate in dentistry to describe me in one word. He said, "Friend". If I am described by this person as a friend, then why do some people hate me?

I am often called "Mother" by the girls I used to hang out with... and just recently, a travel mate also said I was motherly. Another friend in FB said that since grade school, she had always known that I had a nurturing soul, if there was such a term.

Then, why did I have a falling out of sorts with some old friends. Those friends who have lost the R (respect) and have turned into fiends. It is because I have stopped loving them. I have stopped being their friend. I have realized that I was only useful to them... so, I stopped loving them.

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Would you approach a dog that barks loudly at you? Would you stroke his fur if his barking never stops? You wouldn't. You would turn away and walk away. But if you knew the dog, even if it barks all day, you would smile at her, pat her back and even give her a doggie treat.

Do you know me? You only hear the loud barks.

It's weird that I am comparing myself to a dog. A dog will keep you company, wag her tail, jump, leap at the sight of her master, her friend, will risk her life to protect her best friend.

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Can you see me? Do you know me? I am a loving wife, a caring mother, a dentist by profession and an aspiring visual artist. What if all these roles are taken away, stripped away, and I am taken apart...? What if I am exposed, dismantled, then who would I be? The answer is,, I am a simple soul.

The word soul is derived from the word "saiwala", or that belonging to the sea. Saiwa means sea. It was believed that souls originated in and will return to the sea.

I am a soul, an entity or spiritual being inside my physical being, the only authentic part of my self, the real me. So, can you see me? Do you know the real me? I am seen thru my simple paintings and read through my blogs, where I am devoid of pretensions, without the eccentricities... bare, naked... where my truth is revealed... I have named my soul, betsisanders.

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May I quote... "there's a constant level of closeness that I really need from the person that I love.. it just destroys me not to be able to count on that affection when I need it..." ... taken from the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. The author was writing about her husband whom she recently divorced. She said that he was "always disappearing in the room, the bed, even from the planet".

In all relationships, between husbands and wives, siblings, parents and children, even among friends... there is this degree of expectation. A constant need for love to be reciprocated and it hurts when this love is not returned. They say... love begets love, kindness begets kindness. When one gives affection, it is expected that this affection be returned, if not, the relationship suffers and eventually ends.

When one receives a greeting, one is expected to reply. If one says hello, then the other one says hi. If you receive a text message, you are expected to be polite enough to acknowledge receipt of the SMS. If you get an email, you are somehow expected to email back. If you get a present on your birthday, or receive a birthday card, you are expected to at least say thank you. If you are given free medical services by your physician, you send him gifts at Christmas. If your dentist gives your son free orthodontic treatment, won't your dentist expect a simple thank you from you? That isn't too much to ask ... but somehow, the free orthodontic treatment was terminated!.... reason, does not want to abuse? but haven't you used her kindness by accepting the treatment in the first place? it simply meant,,,, thanks but no thanks!!! ... unappreciative, ungrateful....

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"Nokia...connects people..." the age of technology, where friends and family are better 'connected', thru text, email, voice mail even thru the web cam. But how often do you say hello to your parents, your aunts and uncles, your sisters or brothers, or your friends? ..and there is always the old system of snail mail.

Technology tries to make it easier for people to c0nnect, but why is it that people just seem to be so distant, disconnected, not interested or simply just ABSENT from each others' lives.

Years , not just months have passed. ... and soon, you'll realize that it is too late. The friendship has ended. The affection taken for granted. The love has waned, become less intense, has gradually reached a point when it is totally inexistent. ..or the person has passed on...

>>>

FACEBOOK.... the latest, most popular networking site. Its aim is ' to connect ' people, to find old friends, to reestablish long lost relationships & friendships... a forum for discussions on anything,,, life, love even politics.. but it is, for me, a medium to express and tell the entire WWW (world wide web) about one's self... it is I, ME, MYSELF... and for those curious individuals, or a better term would be, appreciative individuals... who like to see, learn and know you better... this is the best networking site so far.

So, if you are reading this... then you are just like me... you ask the same questions as I do...Can you see me? Do you know me?

...............

Life is short, but life goes on and on... can you see me?
Live, love and always be happy. .... betsisanders 09

... it starts with a thought... betsisanders 09

Two paintings.

Title..."it starts with a thought"
Media: Watercolor on Paper & Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 8 x 10 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

Everything starts with a thought, an idea, a concept, a meditative reflection, a recollection, a memory... these are the results of the process of thinking.

The woman is deep in thought, all the time. She has found a way of redirecting her thoughts, through painting and writing. Creative individuals, painters, writers, poets, musicians, dancers... ( Van Gogh, Tchaikovsky, Churchill, Hemingway).... experienced mood disorders... and so does this woman! She may never be great or famous, or loved as much... but her paintings are proof, illustrations or manifestations of her deepest and most serious thoughts, done during her pensive,melancholic and creative moods.

>>>

Boyet went to Singapore early September and as usual, he brought me a box of orchids. . . . it started with the orchids, I placed them on a vase, then later on, made some of them into a bouquet, which Alvin offered to Mama Mary on her birthday. Some orchids were left on the vase. The deep purple flowers began to wilt and fall off their stems. Then there was this last one, that I thought of capturing ... immortalize on paper.

Flowers ... these delicate, beautiful, sometimes fragrant flowers, provide inspiration to artists, playwrights, poets, painters, even mystics. They may lack utilitarian purpose, but they become most valuable to the recipient of these wonderful, most precious creation of nature.

"The Buddha gave a silent sermon, where he once held up a flower and steadily looked at it. After a long while, a monk called Mahakasyapa, began to smile and was said to be the only one who understood the silent sermon. They say that this became the origin of Zen, as passed on by several masters."

St. Therese, the little flower, sends you a white rose when your wishes are granted.

God must have loved us all very dearly for He created the most beautiful, most romantic thing on earth. As long as flowers continue to bloom, and emit their sweet fragrance, these lovely flowers will continue to brighten our days and chase the blues away.

That woman is staring blankly at the flower, seemingly unaffected, quietly admiring its beauty, absorbing the peace and tranquility that the flower represents, thanking her God for all the blessings she has received, hoping for more blessings to come, wishing only happiness for her husband, son, Dad, sisters and their families, truthful friends... and for herself.

>>>

Aging is good. Those senior moments that we most of the time refer to are good. For us, golden ladies, who experience an awakening in our lives, who reinvent ourselves, who transform our old selves into better individuals, or those who simply just try to fulfill their childhood dreams... if we don't do it now, when else? People ask why...and we say, why not? We do not need a reason to do something, we just have to do it, say it, write it, paint it... what can those unappreciative, user friendly, ungrateful, highly critical people do to us? Nothing!

What matters is that we have done it. Dr Seuss says, "Those who mind what you say or do, don't matter. Those who matter, don't mind."

>>>
Have a great weekend. We did... spent a magical day at the happiest place on earth where all dreams come true. !!!


September 09 / betsisanders

Look Up by betsisanders

Title: Look Up
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 8 x 10 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

"UP", Disney-Pixar's latest animation film. The film had such rave reviews that I just had to watch it with Alvin. It was Ateneo High School's exam week, but that didn't stop us from seeing the film.

The film is about friendship, love, marriage, life and death. It is also about pursuing one's dreams, taking risks, being adventurous, living, loving, sharing, reaching out... all of life's lessons that we needed to learn, relearn, and be reminded of.

One's life is more meaningful when shared with friends and family... those who love us back, are appreciative of our accomplishments, who push us up when we are down, are truthful, honest, sincere, grateful, fun-loving, smart, never selfish, always kind. These are the ones that help us fulfill our dreams. They are the ones that love us unconditionally.

>>>>>>>>

Loss... death of a loved one, my greatest fear... Early on in my life,(1979) my dear friend, Bobbet (brother of Aimee) died from complications of meningo-encephalitis. I wept.... visited his grave daily. After school, I would pass by Loyola Memorial Park and sit there, staring, weeping... I was sad and angry. I questioned God.... asked Him why... reached a point when there were no more tears, and there no more prayers.

Millet, a classmate and dear friend in Dentistry, died from colon cancer in 1983. I came face to face with death again.... my best friends' deaths left me scarred, scared and angry.... :(

In 1987, I gave birth to my first child, my daughter, Marie Angelica... she spent her first two months of life at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at the Heart Center. She had a congenital heart defect (Pulmonary Valve Atresia), lived for a year and nine months, and became an angel too soon. Eleven years later, (2000) my Nanay died from complications of diabetes and septicemia due to gangrenous legs.

Again and again, I asked why... I didn't find any answers ... until now. I realized that in the worst moments, in the saddest moments, when one is unable to do anything, when one's tears have ran out...the answer was up there. All I had to do was keep still and look up to Him. The first few lines of the Our Father was my answer... "Our Father, in heaven, Holy be Your Name...your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven...." .... that was the answer. He is the answer.

>>>>>>>>

Loss... marriages fail, friendships end... how do you deal with this? Forgiveness is the answer. "Forgiveness is giving up the right to hurt you because you hurt me. When we forgive someone, we send them away and release them into the hands of God, the only judge. In doing so, we are choosing to no longer be the person's judge. We commit every hurt to the Father. We place every dart and arrow that strikes in the care of our Savior. The one who hurt us didn't hurt us, but our God. All sins are against God. If I forgive, then I am canceling the debt that God has already cancelled. I am taking sides and agreeing with God. jesus paid all debts in full. Forgive and let God take care of the rest." (taken from Forgiveness, by Malcolm Smith)


>>>>>>>>

Life is an adventure. Let go of people or things that weigh you down. These could be people who use you, take advantage of your kindness, are ungrateful. Let them go and free yourself from the heaviness of their lives. Let go of the past, it cannot be undone. Let go of material things, or wanting and needing more and more. These things do not make one happier. Let go of negative emotions, sadness, anger, envy, pity.

If you free yourself, you will be able to pursue your dreams, work towards your goals, become productive, and attain happiness. A happy person has more to share and more to give.

Life does not end after a loss of a loved one. One becomes a stronger person after one has survived these losses. Life goes on. No matter how difficult our challenges are, we will do everything and anything to survive these difficult times. In the end, we become better versions of our self. We will excel when we live our dreams.

>>>>>>>>

Tomorrow is the birthday of Mama Mary. Look up, let go and let God!!!

betsisanders / Sept. 7, 2009

The Other Woman

Title: The Other Woman
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 9 x 12 inches
Artist: betsisanders 09

This is another version of my painting of a Woman. The original painting was done in oil.

The other woman is just as happy, content and grateful. She loves life and only wishes to pursue happiness for herself and for her loved ones. She desires to be a delight, a source of joy and pleasure, and inspiration, to those around her. If she fails today, she will try again tomorrow. She will make the right choices. It is never too late to make the right choice. Her life begins again and again.

Gentleness, modesty, delicacy, even weakness are just some of the characteristics that describe a woman, Strong, forceful, bold, tough... words that describe the man. However, the woman can be stronger, even bolder than the man.
WOMAN POWER!!!

Delight

Title: Delight
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 9 x 12 inches
Artist: betsisanders

Delight ... something that gives great joy or pleasure.

To a child, that ice cream cone will give him great joy and pleasure. On a hot summer day, that same ice cream is a welcome treat to both young and old.To a diabetic, this delightful, pleasurable, rich, sweet and creamy frozen food is 'poison'.

Life is all about choices.

The woman in the painting is making a choice, to indulge and savor the delicious, delicate and pleasing sweet taste of the ice cream ... or chew on a carrot. She may not be a diabetic, but is probably conscious of her weight and wishes to maintain a slim figure... or she simply chooses to eat healthy.

Every single day, hour, minute or second... we all make choices. In the morning, we choose which bath soap or body wash to use, which toothpaste to brush our teeth with, which perfume or cologne to put on, which pair of jeans or shirt to wear, which color-coordinated designer bag and shoes to use... and these choices are made on the first hour of one's day.

Then one goes for breakfast and chooses to have a ham sandwich. I remember my friend, who had this 'funny' unforgettable experience, the first time she ordered a ham sandwich in the States. The waitress asked her what kind of ham she wanted, smoked ham, honey cured ham, American ham.... then, she was asked what kind of bread she wanted, wheat, whole wheat, rye, ... then, she was asked if she wanted everything on it... tomatoes, lettuce, mayo.... :) my friend had always been used to having sweet ham on white bread with nothing in it while in the Philippines. She was further asked if she wanted eggs for breakfast, so she said yes. You probably know what happened next... boiled, scrambled, sunny side, poached... ha ha ha. This actually happened to my friend. Many versions of this story has been passed on through email... maybe because it happened to a lot Pinoys.

Choices... everything in life is about choices. What we are today is the result of the choices we made years ago. Our career choice, for example, would determine success or failure in our chosen field. I chose Dentistry because my mother wanted me to become a doctor. She specifically instilled in my mind that I cannot be called just a Ms. or a Mrs., but a Dr. ... and Dentistry was the fastest way to become a doctor, six years compared to eight years in Medicine. My mother actually asked me if wanted to go to Med Proper after I graduated from Dentistry! :( I always wanted to take Fine Arts but my mother used to say that artists do not earn much.
I'm a golden girl now, a semi-retired dentist, and an aspiring visual artist. It is never too late to make the right choice.

Choose to give rather than always be at the receiving end. Choose to show gratitude and express it through acts of kindness. Choose to be truthful and not fabricate lies or make up stories. Choose to be humble and kind. Choose silence than boisterousness and not attract attention specially in public. Choose to act one's age and not act as if one is still in kindergarten, running around or pushing classmates. Choose to be generous with praise and never say bad things about one's in laws, no matter how badly they treat you. Choose to say 'thank you' to your dentist who gives you free ortho treatment, rather than terminate her free services. Choose to say I'm sorry, and mean it, rather than say I'm not ready.

Choose to walk away from those who hurt you. Choose to shut the door, and be with your thoughts, rather than, tell people how much you hurt. Choose to cry in the confines of your bedroom, rather than burden your friends with your insecurities, sadness, anger or hatred. Choose life and love. Choose happiness. Choose to be a 'delight' to others, to be a source of joy and pleasure for others... all the time.


betsisanders 09 / August 12, 2009

Gratitude

Title: Gratitude
Size: 9 x 12 inches
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Artist: betsisanders 09

"To whom much is given, much is asked in return." This is how we must live our lives. To give in return for all the blessings that one has received. It isn't enough to just say 'thank you', but to express one's gratitude thru reciprocal acts of kindness. Words are not enough, one's gratefulness must be shown in acts.

We should always be grateful for everything that one has received. One must never grieve for what one does not have, but to be joyful for what one has. One should always see the good in everything. One should always be happy not just for one's self, but for others as well.

An ungrateful person, no matter how much he possesses, will never be truly happy. She will always ask for something, want something more, or need something else. There is no end to her desires, needs and wants. She is never content, always wanting, needing, expecting more and more. Always at the receiving end and never giving in return. She will never be happy.

The key to happiness is gratitude. I always say that the happiest person, is the most grateful of all. Be thankful for every little thing, for a beautiful sunrise, for a magnificent sunset, for the rain, for a sunny day... be thankful because you have a loving husband and an obedient son; be thankful for sisters who make you feel loved and important; be thankful for parents who made sure you had a good education and provided for all your material needs; be thankful for in-laws who accepted you as part of their family; be thankful for nieces and nephews who became your 'bundles of joy' when they were little; be thankful for every single friend that has been truthful and appreciative of your generosity; be thankful for the beauty that is around you, for the birds that chirp, or the simple lotus flowers on the pond; be thankful for everything that God has given.

The Buddha says, "Let us rise up and be thankful for if we didn't learn a lot today,at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die, so let us all be thankful."

>>>

I finished this painting today, August 5, 2009, a very memorable day for all Filipinos. Today, the Filipino's icon of democracy was laid to rest. The entire nation mourns for the loss of this woman. The Filipino is grateful to this woman who restored democracy and freedom in the country that was ruled by a dictator for more than two decades. The Filipino is proud to be a Filipino because of this woman. Today, I share the sentiments of all Fiipinos, a grateful nation, a proud people, the happiest people.

>>>
Two words... thank you... if this is our only prayer, then this is enough.
Live, love and always say 'thank you'. A grateful person is a happy person.

betsisanders 09 / August 5, 2009

choices

Title: Choices

Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 4 x 4 feet

Life is all about choices. . . . and the choices that we make at the present determine our future.




What choices have I made ?
1. To love myself more... Put me on top of my list of priorities. If self sacrifice leads to unhappiness and robs me of the joy, the peace and the calm that I have tried to achieve, then , I'll choose to walk away , protect myself from self centered, self absorbed, unhappy, ungrateful and unappreciative persons in my life...HAPPINESS is my first choice.

2. Husband,son, .... sisters and their families, Dad,,,, are next in my list of priorities. I only wish them health and success in whatever they do in their lives.

3. Gratitude.... I choose to express my gratitude to people who love me back. Friends who patiently read my blogs, are people who are worthy of being my friend, because they are interested in my life, in what I do, what I have to say, what I think, what I have become and how I have reinvented myself, in order to become a better version of the old betot, now called , betsisanders.

4. Forgiveness... forgive those who have hurt me... and by giving up the right to retaliate, get even, or think monstrous thoughts of assassinating them , is enough for me to 'move on' with my life. I have sent them to God , who is the ultimate judge.... I always say, it takes two to fight and two to make things right. Ganoon lang ka simple... but who will make the first move? oh well.... that's a choice that I have to make sometime in the future, and if time runs out, then , so be it...

[Look at what a person does during her spare time and you will know what that person is worth? who is more worthy ??? one who creates art, writes, bakes, cooks, and spends time with nice girls......or one who just spends the time away, gossiping? spending long hours on the phone talking about other people's lives or goes around their neighborhood in search of the latest scoops and gossips, or one who brags about material things that she has acquired which she never worked for, but only inherited...:( one who brags about her possessions, properties and acquisitons....]

[when you enter the gates of heaven... God asks you... what have you done for others? what have you shared with those friends and people in need of assistance? what have you given up? have you shared your time, your knowledge, your dental expertise, your cakes, pastas with your closest of friends? have you given FREE art lessons, and fed your students free merienda after each art lesson? have you thrown a party in honor of a best friend or a balikbayan, where you personally cooked and baked and cleaned your house, just so, your balikbayan friend is welcomed? have you paid your friends car's amortization for 6 months, and never asked anything in return when she got the car back? have you given a luncheon just because your best friend's children had voice recitals? have you catered for the wake of your best friends' dead father and stayed until midnight to welcome their guests, while your bff had gone home to bed? have you given free orthodontic treatment, worked so hard even when your entire back became stiff and painful that you had to take more painkillers, just so, you can lie in bed and fall asleep for a few hours? have you ????... well...i have.... i did... and where are the recipients of my generosity? no where around... and i am the bad guy... the one they blame for having a strong personallity. for coming in too strongly... for being honest and straightforward. my peronality used against me. all the good things that i have done for them,they have forgotten and blamed me for everything... sometimes, i jokingly say... "okay na... pati sa kamatayan ni jose rizal, ako na rin ang may kasalanan. matigil na lang yan!"]

so what choice did i make??? I walked away,,, turned my back.. closed my door, kept them shut and kept them that way...


5. Choice # 5.... surround yourself with beautiful, smart, fun- loving, genuine, aprreciative persons who love you back.

6. Choose to purchase theatre tickets,movie tickets, or things that need not be carried. Choose to have fun memories of parties. Choose to have stuff that will be stored in your memory banks and not in your closets to gather dust.


7. Choose to thank those people who have been good to you, who have helped you , who have been part of your life and have remained to be your dearest friends who love you back.

8. Choose to remember only happy thoughts. Your son's first steps, first words, first everything. You husband's monthly gifts of orchids and chocolates. Your husbands 'loud laughter' and funny antics. Your husband's many needed hugs. Your husband's kindness, caring and patience.

9. Choose to spend some time for QUIET time.... praying, painting, reading or writing.

10. Lastly,,, choose life , love and happiness always.... but don't forget to eat and be merry... or dance the night away.


LIVE LOVE & PARTY... betsisanders 09

two women :) by betsisanders

"The first woman is me, betsisanders.
The second, can be any one of my best friends."
>>>>>>

Every artist, at one point in her life, will create a self portrait. At this point in my 'career' in the visual arts, I am still unable to make perfect portraits. I need to learn more about the anatomy of the human face and body, and still need to master how to combine the different colors / media to be able to make real life images of people. Have been painting for 9 years and I am still learning.

When I made these paintings, there were 3 women paintings, 3 women friends, namely, betsisanders, lilet & "she". I will not mention her name here. Anyway, her identity is known by my closest friends. So where then is the third painting? I destroyed it and with it, went all the memories of 'her'.

Destroying the painting and throwing it in the garbage was the easy part of letting go, of leaving the past, or of erasing 'her' in my life.

It took me years to fully recover from the hurt, the pain, the sadness and the anger. Many sleepless nights and gallons of tears poured out from my heavy eyelids; 'chest pains' & 'heart aches' caused me so much anguish, and monstrous thoughts occupied my mind. That's how it feels when a best friend has turned into a frenemy, when one's friendship was taken for granted, when lies and deception took the place of trust, when one's kindness was not appreciated, when one's love was ignored, when truthfulness became inexistent, when one was just a 'useful' person to be with, when one was simply needed, when gratitude was never given, and when one was not loved back.

I chose to run away, turned my back, looked the other way. Like the two ducks, who flapped their wings to let off the steam, and then went in separate ways, as if no argument or fight ever happened. But when one does this, other friends are caught in the middle. So as not to burden those other friends, I too have run away from them. I found other people in my life more worthy of my love and attention. I surrounded myself with friendships that are not heavy, that do not drag me down, if only to save myself from her 'sinking ship'.

Maybe one day, someday, our paths will cross again. In the meantime, I have forgiven her and myself, and have let God handle the situation. Forgiveness is giving up the right to hurt you because you hurt me. Detachment is the solution when two people have found themselves in relationships that are damaging to both persons. Married couples divorce or separate from each other... and friends can do that to, if only to pursue happiness and live a quiet, peaceful, and blissful life.

'It takes two to tango', two to fight and two to make things right. A third person can act as an intermediary, but somehow, people choose to take the side of the person who cries loudest. They choose to remain in the middle and not act as a mediator. ... but what really saddens me is that I know in my heart that they have taken her side, and ignored my truth. It's sad , very sad....:(

There are many other wonderful individuals out there and one just has to make new relationships in life, in order to have fun and be happy. Sometimes, it is seen as a blessing that one has learned the truth about the other early on in their relationship. It is better to have found out early on that she was not worth my time, my love and my friendship.

For now, there will only be two women ......

>>>

As I finish this blog about 'two women', I realize that there are other women friends I have that can be represented by the other woman in those paintings. What better time to write about these other women friends than now?

Maria, the youngest of my siblings. We used to go shopping all day at Rustan's, Ali Mall and Shoe Mart during the 90's. We would come home with 15 or more bags, would have difficulty carrying our 'loot' to our bedrooms. Maria now lives in Sacramento, but we are in constant communication with each other through email, skype or even thru texts. Maria is 'soft spoken', kind, refined, courteous, non-violent, and very pleasant. Maybe that's why we get along. I am totally her opposite. I need not write how different I am from Maria, but we get along perfectly well. Maria is the beautiful version of my self... hair always neatly done, never without makeup, fashionably dressed, always in high heels and very prim and proper. (In my younger years, I used to wear 4 1/2 inch heels, never left the house without makeup and was always dressed in tailored suits or designer jeans. But as I aged, I have dressed down, have become simpler.) I probably can never thank Maria enough for all the goodies, gifts and medicines that she and her hubby , Doc chito, have given and shared with me, Boyet and Alvin through the years. Always remember that I appreciate your generosity and will forever be grateful... and that you will always be blessed because you have shared what you have and by doing so, you will be rewarded more.

Aimee, my best friend and ninang of Alvin. We have been friends for 34 years. She has always been a constant companion during 'lakwatsa' days in high school. She used to be a "phone pal", where we spent hours talking on the phone, listening to music on the phone, and just wasting the time away on the phone. As we got older, and pursued different careers, we have remained friends and no one or nothing can possibly destroy this bond that we have. She is my personal ,if not , family physician, who was with me when I delivered my first baby...(because Boyet was working in the desert and could not be present). She took care of my Nanay's pain management during the long 18 month ordeal before her demise. She is always "on call" whenever I am in need of medical help. But more than just being helpful, she and I understand each other, and probably no one, or nothing can change this understanding and respect that we have for each other. Thank you Aimee for always being my best friend and best ninang.

>>>

I cannot end this blog without talking about Lilet... We were never really close friends in college. She belonged to a different 'barkada'. Only 'knew' her through our common friend, now our common frenemy. Our frenemy left for the US, 9 years ago, .. told us that she was going to pursue her 'american dream'. Lilet and I supported her. While she was gone for months, she left a 'vacuum', an emptiness, that probably Lilet and I felt at that time. I remembered calling Lilet and had our hair done together. We never did this before. This sort of 'girl bonding', salon activity was only done with our common friend. That was in the year 2000. My mother died, and our 'friend' was in the States starting a new life, or so we thought. Lilet came to my mother's wake, burial and 9th day prayer. I can never forget how she took the place of my ex-bff. My other friends wondered who Lilet was and why she was suddenly present during the saddest moment of my life. I can never thank you enough, my dear Lilet, for giving me the support that I needed during the loneliest time of my life. I will always be forever grateful for your kindness. You are one of the few women friends that I will forever keep in my heart.

>>>

I have many other women friends, even gay friends and guy friends. One day, I will write about you too. Just have to make a painting that would best represent you. But for now... there will only be two women.

July 7, 2009 / dawn

FLOWERS

Title: FLOWERS
Medium: OIL
These 2 oil paintings are one of the first paintings of flowers that I have done. Flowers are my favorite subjects when making still-life paintings.






















TITLE: (Flowers) Mother & Child
Medium: Watercolor
Size: 16 x 20 inches















TITLE: Forgiveness (Orchids)
Medium: Watercolor
Size: 24 x 30 inches




TITLE: LOVE (orchids)
Medium: Acrylic
Size: 12 x 16 inches


Watercolor was used on the following paintings of beautiful flowers. I have made other versions of these same flowers and have given them away as gifts to my friends. Some have been donated to the University of the Philippines College of Dentistry. Others have been sold during exhibits or bought by friends to be given away as gifts too.

The first time I received three red roses was during the summer of 1982. The roses came with an unsigned card. I was familiar with the handwriting and had an inkling as to the identity of the person who sent the roses.
He bought the flowers from a shop near his home in Pasig. That was 27 summers ago.





















Before that summer of 1982, this guy gave my best friend, Susan, a ceramic figurine of a swan, since her nickname was Swanee. The girls in class were making such a big fuss about the whole 'ceramic swan gift'. They speculated that he liked Susan. A month later, this same guy gave my other close friend, Millet, some chocolates on her birthday. Again, the girls 'talked" and 'talked' about him, saying, it's not Susan he likes but Millet. :)

Then we had this class song and dance number, where we performed to the tune of "I Can't Smile Without You."... Our class won the competition even if we didn't sound very good, but we all danced very very well (even hired a choreographer)... and those old Shakey's hats were a hit. One classmate took photos of the whole song and dance number and here comes this same guy, and ordered almost all the photos. WOW!!! he must really like Susan or Millet.

I had all the copies of the photos that he ordered. I looked at every photo and did some 'sleuthing'... or some process of elimination. I noticed that in the photos that he bought, I had good shots and in some photos, Susan and Millet were not in their best poses. Hmmmm.... I just pushed it away from my mind. I might just be imagining things and getting carried away with all the speculations our girl classmates were making.

Until that memorable summer day in 1982.... It was me he liked. I asked him why he had to give Susan the ceramic swan. He said, he had another one for me, a ceramic pig..... ha ha ha... but somehow he broke it and was not able to give it to me. Then , why give Millet the chocolates? He was just too shy to give them to me. But during the summer, he just had to let me know about his feelings.

He said that he noticed me since first year Dentistry proper. He noticed the loud, 'matapang', outspoken, candid, confident, girl who smoked, drank, partied a lot and drove a yellow sports car. I asked,"why me?"... and said that he has 'loved'...o ayan,, loved ang word, the first time he set his eyes on me. WOW... who wouldn't say yes to this kind of proposal?

Too good to be true. Who would like a fat girl? ,, someone who was a bit 'bitchy' at times and can be very annoying, feisty. aggressive, and even quarrelsome sometimes. A girl who smokes and drinks with the boys in class. How could I have been his type? It's probably love... so love is blind huh? Oh yeah, he wore prescription glasses then.

That summer, he came to the house with his cousin. They rode their racer bikes just to visit me. The next time, he didn't bring his cousin along anymore. Classes started and one evening, when the gang watched a concert at the Paco Park, he joined us. Kept very very close to me. Held my hand, Placed his arm on my shoulder and .... the rest is history.

I confided with Millet... told her that he is so 'baduy'... he even wears checkered pants. Millet said,,, he can always change his pants to designer jeans and learn not to be so baduy....and what's wrong with being baduy?

I was 22 then, never had a boyfriend, just had many guy and gay friends, always in Coco Banana partying, drinking and smoking not just cigarettes but 'jutes'. I said to myself that if at this age, I still didn't have a boyfriend, I would stop that horrible torture called dieting. The fat chubby arrogant flamboyant girl, that's me, found someone... or did he find me?

Boyet transformed into a very handsome boyfriend. I got more than handsome, I got a very humble, kind, caring, loving and GOOD man in my life.

Boyet never gave me flowers again, after that summer. I expected him to give me flowers on special occasions but he never did. Only to realize, later on, that he couldn't afford to always give me flowers back then. But now that he has a successful career and a well paying job, he never forgets to bring me orchids from Singapore, where their head office is located. He also brings me bags of chocolate from duty free , as if I am not a diabetic. He has provided me for all my needs, even gave me a Ford Expedition, a guzzler !!!... and I am the only one who drives it, aside from him and, only on few occasions can the driver drive the Ford.

Having a husband was never in my wildest dreams. I wanted to travel and live in a high end high rise condominium in New York, and be with my gay friends. but when Boyet came along, all my plans changed. I decided to settle and raise a family,be domesticated, be a housewife and forget about the post graduate training or my american dream.

But is it all worth it? YES... every bit of it is worth it. I am glad and honored to be loved and cared for by this simple, loving, caring, 'sometimes funny ' or baduy guy,.... the father of my son, Boyet.

Thank you for loving me unconditionally, for being the most understanding person i know, who tolerates my moods, who never gets angry even when I kicked and pushed and pinched him out of my frustrations. He makes me feel wanted and needed because he truly loves me. This is so much different from being loved because one is needed. So my dearest Boyet... Belated Happy Fathers Day... you are simply the best Daddy Boyet.
>>>>>
At my age... flowers scare me.... so my dear friends and family, i would welcome it very much if you too gave me flowers, while I can still see, smell and touch them. You can also send me mass cards and pray for the repose of my soul while I am still around so I can say thank you to all of you dear friends, who love me back, who are grateful for the many little things I have done for you. To those whom I have turned my back upon, may you all be blessed by God.. maybe someday, our paths will cross again, and all things will be forgotten and forgiven. But for now, I leave it up to God, who sees the real me and maybe soon, you will see me too.

I say, Let go and Let God do the rest. Forgiveness is setting you free... it is giving up the thought or the right to retaliate, to get even,or assasinate frenemies .... ......instead,I'll transform my monstrous thoughts into delicious foods and desserts, or make simple works of art,

Again, I am only able to paint, read a lot, write, cook and bake.. because Boyet allows me. He provides for all my wants and needs. Love , respect and gratitude are all that I can give you my darling, Boyet. I seldom say 'God Bless You'.. am not the type to be religious or sanctimonious... but for you I pray and say..... Thank you Lord for Boyet, he is the best blessing that you have given me.

Flowers.... makes a little girl smile; makes a young lady's heart go pitter-patter, or makes an elderly woman's spirit soar. Give flowers when one is aware, awake and alive... not when one is laid down to rest in peace.

Take care my friends and frenemies....i'll accept your flowers and mass cards / prayers for the repose of my soul ...'now na' ...:):) :) :)

betsisanders 09 / july 3 at dawn