What to do when I start thinking why I am thinking what I am thinking

What to do when I start thinking
why I am thinking 
what I am thinking...

I start by sitting in front of my desk, turn on the PC, stare at the blank Word Document for several minutes, open my tiny notebook, copy and type the few words I wrote last night before I fell asleep, then, the long process of writing begins.

Writing has been an effective way for me to organize my thoughts and feelings. It has proven to be an effective way to express myself, dig deep into the recesses of my troubled mind, and releases all the hurts that I carry. Writing helps me solve problems by being objective and clarifying information. Writing also generates ideas. Writing is hours of silence and contemplative thought. But writing can also be dangerous. It stimulates more thinking making it more difficult to fall asleep.  The other danger is libel, be threatened by selfish narcissists.

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I remember writing about Contemplative Prayer  on June 29, 2010.

“Contemplative prayer was first done by monks in the 3rd century, who lived in isolation in desert mountains. St. Anthony of the Desert, a revered Egyptian monk, lived like a hermit, he moved away from society and lived in the desert, in 270 A.D. Many others followed his lifestyle and became hermits. Eighty years later, the first monastery was built and brought the hermits together under one roof. They lived 'monastic' lives in a congregation, instead of each one living alone in the desert.

Our Catholic practice of saying the rosary, when we contemplate on the mysteries of the rosary and repetitively say the prayers, the Our Father, Hail Mary & Glory Be, then visualize these mysteries, is contemplative prayer.

Christian meditation is another popular method of contemplative prayer, where a strong emphasis is placed on interior silence. The purpose is to clear the mind of rational thought, in order to focus on the indwelling of presence. Christians would sit comfortably, close their eyes, relax, be quiet and try to be in love and faith with God. They would then choose a sacred word like Jesus, God, Abba, Spirit, or love etc... Then they let the word be gently present as their symbol of pure intention to be in the Lord's presence, thus, they open themselves to the divine action within them. Whenever they become aware of anything (thoughts, feelings, perceptions, images, etc) , they simply return to their sacred word, their anchor.”

Writing and painting give me hours of silence and peace. How are they different?  In painting, there is just one thought, that is, how to blend the colors and come up with a pretty painting. In writing, there are many thoughts.  Both activities seem to lighten the emotional load I carry. They stop my mind from thinking why I am thinking what I am thinking about. In both activities, I come up with  products, a painting and the written word. That's what I do and aren't the things that one does that are important?  How one lives is what matters?

Others would say, why not go to church Betsi?  Why not just pray?  Oh… I do pray my rosaries and novenas. They say that praying is talking to God and when I do, I end up crying. Just like when I went to the Adoration Chapel. The minute I walked inside, the tears just kept on pouring.  From what I’ve read and I quote “Prayer is talking to God. Meditation is listening to God.”

There are many forms of meditation and I have written about that too. Writing and painting are also forms of meditation.  But the most effective of all is mindful awareness and I wrote about that too. I just have to remind myself again and again.

“Mindful awareness... a form of meditation that can free one from intrusive thoughts. It helps stop a blue mood from becoming a full blown depression. The idea is to identify a destructive thought pattern then simply label it, watch it and let it pass by whenever it happens in your mind. Follow the thought, then it will eventually disappear. Or, one can just free the mind from any thought, no thoughts, and feel the Presence, the Being. This too can be some form of contemplative prayer.

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What I do is none of anyone's busyness ...

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Thanks to those who share Betty Boop pictures on the internet.

I love you guys!

/ betsisanders 2013