betsisanders: once in a blue moon (again)

Saturday, September 01, 2012

once in a blue moon (again)

I wrote this blog in multiply two years ago and thought of publishing it here again, since it is a blue moon tonight, Friday the 31st August 2012. it'll be a long time before the blue moon happens again.

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(Photo taken last month at ATC. the moon had a blue ring around it)

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It's a blue moon tonight ... there are 12 full moons in a year, but this year, we have 13. a blue moon is said to appear twice in a given month or 4 times in a season. and tonight, nov 21, is a blue moon. read the link below for the complete story

http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/20101119/sc_space/thereallystrangestorybehindsundaysbluemoon

no wonder.... i have been feeling and thinking kinda weird. "bilog ang buwan at asul pa pala"

or maybe because i was sick this week, had fever, colds and cough. i haven't had the flu since i had flu shotes yearly, since 2007. ... we're supposed to have our shots this november but i completely forgot about it. aging perhaps? or just too busy on the road.

it's my dad's 81st bday today. they had lunch at 'rice bowl' in sacramento. i just saw their pictures in facebook. my best sister threw the party for my dad and she invited some long lost relatives and my best friend. seeing my best friend and my best sister together feels like i am there with them. .... of course i cried after looking at their pictures.

my weird thoughts tonight .... "the great equalizer isn't education, it is death." ..........there is only so much that one can achieve in one's lifetime. one's achievements are determined by talent, resources, finances, opportunities missed, failed opportunities, even by 'people' (who's who in society) or by time, lack of time or time wasted.

'Been there, done that'... over used. but it describes my present state of mind. i'm half a century old. what else do i want to do or achieve? where else do i want to go? how else do i want to live my life? what for? for whom?

i only know the answer to the last question, for whom? for my two boys.. for Him.

sometimes, one wants to simply step out of life. walk out the door of life. make everything stop. just stay in bed.. a little longer, for another hour perhaps? one feels trapped and no where to go. .. or you don't want to be anywhere, just be with your thoughts all the time.

so , how do we go on? as stephen king wrote, we go on "one day at a time, ... one pain at a time, one breath at a time"... as for me, "one painting at a time, one book to read at a time, one cake to bake at a time, one blog at a time....."..and "one prayer at a time..."

there is no point in getting angry or upset at anyone or anything. because one day, it will all be equal. we will all be equal. your greatness, your riches, your achievements, your rich friends... you will leave them all behind. my insignificance, my smallness... will be left behind too. you and i are equals in death.

these thoughts .. ... because of a blue moon??? i wonder